4th was ok. W pulled a nutty on me the first day saying I left her out on beach . I was trying to give her an hour to herself to get ready and she interpreted how she wanted to interpret. She then dropped lawyer bomb over it. I told her she was acting childish . She acts like a 16 year old throwing fits. I wasn't happy at all that OM "stopped" by. Basically my w is having EA and she doesn't know it. My theory is if she hiding and deleting txt something going on. I did have to call my sponsor day 1 after beach incident because I was so upset. He helped me understand its out of my control.
I do want to get my balls back but I'm pretty sure 25 is right. Only way is to give her what she wants and maybe and only maybe she will wake up.
Had a great day on boat with son and nephew. Had firework display for kids.
I feel my w has so much resentment , hate , and anger toward me that she is just gonzo.
She also doesn't understand self growth . She questioned me going to alanon because my father dead and has been for sometime . She doesn't understand recovery or her ego won't allow her too . Alanon is about changing ineffective behaviors and becoming a better person. Living a happy and full life
My w has been saying this alot lately . You just the fun guy. You just mr fun with the kids . You buy this and that for kids. You come home and play with kids. Make yourself look like father of the year . I was like I play with and do things for kids cuz I love them and walk away
Why does your bonding time with the children bother her so much? What would she prefer, neglect or abuse?
You are Not playing into her narrative about you. She wants to justify her choices.
Since you're an involved loving father and a good provider, it just does Not help her internal monologue to still try and blame You. You are not playing along!
Good for you . Keep being a great dad . If that confuses/irks her, so be it.
It's Not your job to play along with the "bad PON & innocent W" story she must tell herself over & over.
It's your job to be the best PON you can be.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I invite other's thoughts on this, but Why bother explaining why you play with your kids?
Why would anyone need to? Go ahead and ask her what kind of mother Is upset or angry at someone for loving their/her kids. Who does she think the "audience" is that you are acting for??
And do not lose your sense of humor. It's a gift.
It may be a "coping mechanism" for ACOAs, but I'll take it!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
She's right PON - you don't need to justify or explain being a good father to her.
Your wife's comments - especially the "father of the year" one - reek of jealousy and resentment to me. Maybe she does know that she's been a less than stellar mother of late, but would never actually admit it. Perhaps she feels guilt over how she is acting, sees how the kids respond to you versus the way they respond to her.
That's her problem to deal with.
And to ensure you're not just the "fun dad" as she claims, make sure you're also helping with the everyday not so fun stuff - laundry, homework, cleaning...
Don't ever apologize for being a good dad. You just keep loving those kids.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
It all started because I thought I was giving her a break or 1 hour to blow dry her hair . She pulled a nutty saying I come down to vaca house to clean so you guys have fun . Keep buying stuff for kids mr fun guy. I bought a tube for boat . Then she threw into my face I came down weekend before with kids (she was invited). I reminded her I came down in pouring rain to give her break and she stfu.
She has been saying that alot lately about fun dad or fun guy or father of year.
Just so you know I travel 90 miles a day to provide for family . Yes I'm fun with kids but I also try to make beds, fold and wash laundry, empty dishwasher ,yard work and pool maintenance ,pay all bills, cook when I can. (Not so great here) trash etc. I'm not a slouch that she makes me out to be in her head. I think it's jealousy and resentment from being home.
All of sudden she doesn't even want to go on boat (signed up with me before she distanced) to watch kids tube. My answer ok. "I'm not a boat person" oh really we use to fish all the time
Anyways I try not to react to the comments. Once in awhile I'll defend myself like "I play and do things for my kids cuz I love them "
I understand that dad is typically the fun guy at home and SAHM mom is the evil villian.
There were a few things that happened this weekend I didn't like
Invite OM over house while I'm not there And drop L bomb cuz she felt I was leaving her out. Who does that unless they have agenda.
I did talk to sponsor a few times to help me get back on track and enjoy kids. It worked
PON, GM speaks wisdom there. Of course she's attacking you. Who leaves a perfectly good spouse unless there is something wrong with them? And there's no way she wants there to be something wrong with her, right? That's not how a breakup works my friend.
She will attack more and more. Especially if you defend.
One question for you to answer: are you a good father? I suspect you try very hard and are. If that's the case, there is no reason to defend. Defending only gives her a chance to attack more. Knowing and the silence that comes with it is the better way to deal with that. It starves her of the ammo she is searching for to make herself feel better.
I've been there PON. Believe me when I tell you, reality has nothing to do with it, but being defensive does.
Kind of like her asking you to move out. Why would you? This is what she wants, not you. Next time let her move out.
In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing with the kids. Her attacks say more about her than they do you, and you need to know that.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Gabby speak your mind. I'm in a better place. I understand you care. Just that our situations are not exactly the same. I know I'm dealing with a spoiled brat right now. if you look back and think logically about the series of events that got us back to this point it doesn't add up. My W is in a middle of EA with this OM and she don't even know it. If I bring it up she will act 2
