Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Not confused...moving towards acceptance

It is late, but keeping everyone posted. I am lost and don't think I can ever come back.

H picked up the kids today and demanded to talk. I was on the phone and told him I had somewhere to be...he wouldn't leave. He wants the tax return. I told him that I didn't have it. I ended up having to call the cops because he wouldn't leave...they came told him the deal. I was a wreck for three hours knowing he had the kids. He came back late with the kids and dumped them at the door. My oldest son was visibly upset so I asked if he or his brother wanted to talk. We did about a lot of things. H told my son I was lazy and that is why he left, even when s14 defended me and said it was untrue he still stuck to the story. H's gf/ow is officially moving into his apartment. H made s14 carry all her boxes into the apartment. S14 to.d his dad he didn't like ow. H didn't care and told s14 he had to have respect and he is his father. There is a lot more and not all in order, but that H hates me, s14 said ow is ugly and such a loser, really ugly and he doesn't see what h sees in her. I also got mad when h was here and wouldn't leave...he started throwing out how I was a bad mom for calling the cops and I said I am a bad parent but you and your girlfriend are trying to give my son alcohol. Oh yeah, not good. He questioned s14 later and s14 admitted he told me...h had nothing to say after that. S14 doesn't want to go back...ever. Started calling h "that man". H called the cops after dropping kids off...supposedly the officer said his chief said that he is "entitled to a copy of the tax return". I told officer It was at the attorneys office and gave him the attorneys name. I find it hard to believe that the cops would get involved that way...especially when I mentioned h had a warrant and they wouldn't even look it up. No matter. H tried twice to get what he wanted and failed.

I don't know what to do from here...

B, I am so sorry for the turmoil your family is in. Please talk to your attorney as soon as possible and document everything. Both of you have so much fear and pain over this situation and it's fueling anger on both sides. Please take a few days to calm down. If possible try to wait 24-48 hours before you respond to your H about anything. He will keep pressing you, but you need time to collect yourself.

I understand how devasting this is. It seems like it will never get better. It just keeps escalating. Please try to create some distance. B, you must do this for your sanity. If possible, let your attorney handle the communication with your H. Having some space to work on healing and coming to terms with your loss might help to diffuse things between you and your H.

This is so hard. I had nights of fights on the phone, hysterical crying in my closet and moments of absolute hopelessness. At my lowest points my H poked at me with his hateful spew, blaming me for everything including the boys' grief. I didn't think I would ever recover. It's been slow, but I'm getting there. B, seek help if you need to. Please don't allow yourself to suffer. Talk with your doctor, attorney, family, friends. Let them know that you need help to get through this. Find the number for a crisis hotline and use it when you can't reach friends or family. B, I recognize the feelings of total despair and I am worried about you. Please organize a team of people who will see you through this.

(((((((((((B)))))))))))

So sorry you are going through all of this horror. It is so distressing for the children.

It isn't any help to know that he is angry because he is conflicted, ashamed, and frightened. We do not get angry with people that we do not care about

The OW are always skanky, and can't wait to get their nasty hands on any man stupid enough to get involved with them. It will not end well.

I also recognise your despair, having been there. Please take care of yourself, and your boys, Together you will get through, though it will be very very hard. Hugs

May I ask you something? Who does your taxes? If you have a tax preparer do them, he could very well go there and request a copy. He can also contact the IRS and for a small fee, get a copy. What is so important about that tax return that he has to have a copy?

As for calling the cops, I don't blame you one bit. He's anger is escalating. I would also advise my lawyer about the alcohol that she tried to give your son. Your son is a minor and she could very well face the consequences of her actions about that one. I'm sure he wasn't happy when he heard that you knew about it.

He's out of control and the anger is spurring him on. I had a very angry one that I had to deal with. They are not easy to communicate w/and you are going to have to watch your back and be on your toes. They come out of left field w/lies and threats. I'm not telling you this to scare you, but to give you a heads up... you are dealing w/a very irrational person right now.

Please contact your lawyer Friday morning and get this stuff documented. You may even need to get a copy of the cop's report for documentation.

Try to have a good 4th of July, even though the fireworks started yesterday. Maybe today's fireworks will be much better for you and the boys.

Snodderly, I do our taxes. But at this point, I am very, very concerned to what H is up to. My guard is on full alert and I have now reached out and told more people about the sitch because I am concerned.

Hopefully I will make it through this....and hopefully the outcome is one that will make us all happy. There has to be worse sitches than this, right?

I will enjoy the fourth with family. Hopefully no fireworks like yesterday's. ... To be continued I imagine.

Bea....I found some comfort in some things you said...,skanky ow....and yes, why be angry and hateful if you don't care.

Clearly he is going through a lot all at once....hopefully he burned himself out today. My s14 even said that he is just a mess. Why can't he see it, I will never know.

Have a good fourth everyone.

((((B)))) I am so so sorry to read this. These OW's and our H's continue to amaze me with their tenacity and insistence of forcing these R's on everyone around them especially the children. I am so sorry for what you and your sons are going through.

I really hope that you enjoy can your weekend with your boys. let the fireworks fill up the current darkness.I'll be thinking of you and your boys.

Oh BRNR I am so sorry.

I know what is like to be the target of blame. I get it every day that H is around. It's hard to let it roll off.

I had a feeling your H was gonna snap. Still waters run deep ya know. When you said he hadn't reacted to your legal actions I figured he was keeping it all inside, but they can't keep it inside. They explode and implode just like your H did. I've been waiting for mine to do something stupid like that, but he's kept it under wraps thus far.

You could possibly get a restraining order from him. I don't know what that action takes. I bet he will start screaming that he wants his kids and demands to see them now. Funny how court actions turn them suddenly into "caring, concerned parents".

Post here if you need to vent. We are here for you.
WH

Yep...I second this statement!!!!

Posting/venting/updating

July 4th was good - had family over (mostly H's) for a barbecue since I had the kids...it was great. The boys were even brought back in enough time to see my neighbors 30 minute long fireworks display.

So more bomb drop - I finally figured out why the cops came back a second time on Wednesday. apparently he filed an assault complaint against me because I put my hands up when he tried to barge through the house. I am 5'2 105lbs H is 6'1 190lbs. Nice huh!!!

I called to get a copy of the police report today to give to the attorney and found out I was listed as the accused and him as a victim. Before I receive advice on this matter, all please know this is being "rectified".

Still laughable. H is grasping at straws trying to get things turned in his favor. Not to play victim over agressor here, but I AM the victim. Why does he feel he is?

Anyway, tons of laughable moments yesterday and today. I think someone said on this thread that when they are in fear, they react. Yep, my H sure is.

I am really tired of all this...as of this week I am now lazy and capable of assault.
Unfortuneatly, as much as I love my H, I don't think we could ever come back from all this. I have now started to share with the world what has been going on in my life. The stress has gotten so bad that despite the smile on my face too much has to come to surface in order for me to save myself from this. People are asking...Wednesday's events became public and I got a lot of questions from a lot of people...including people who can help me somewhat legally (and possibly financially).

I am not scared or fear anything. Just wish I knew how this plays out.

Oh, and is it still stupid that I almost feel I would still like to reconcile with this a$$hole? Not sure I feel this way, but I do.