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Thanks Linda,

But you know...the more time that passes, the more I think that our changes - mine and his - will leave us nothing in common anymore.

At some point, we all get to a point when we are "done". I agree with you that it is harder to be done when your H is living in the house with you and in your case, being fairly nice to you and talking to you. Mine left and has not attempted contact at all, so it is more of a forced choice to be done.

I am at a point in my journey where I just do not know if I could ever look at him the same way again, even if he did want to reconnect. I likely would not be here if it wasn't for the silence on his end. When we were in constant contact, I was a bundle of nerves and emotion.

Time has gone by so quickly over the past year. Faster than I ever thought it would. And here I am.

You know, if he does contact me, I might just fall off my chair! I am so not expecting to hear from him. I am strangely at peace with that.

LMAO!!!

Sorry I had to laugh, because my H doesn't contact me too much (even though we have kids)...I actually did do this once. I was at work and my H emailed me for advice on issues he was having at work. I couldn't believe he remembered my email address...LOL

Luv ya girl. Take care!

Portia, I’ve been there a couple of months ago. I mean when I didn’t have contact with my H for a while. I came to this board and read the updates on other sitches, but I had nothing to post on my, except for my feelings and thought, and occasionally some advice to other posters. It did look like the end. Now, my H is in contact with me every week, but I feel frustrated. He’s been extremely polite and it makes me feel that there is nothing left between us, just the business relationship. I know some people will consider these contacts as a positive sign, but it surely doesn’t feel like that to me.

I’m sure that your SO will contact you one day. Just don’t be fixated on this thought. The things happen when we least expect them.

"I am at a point in my journey where I just do not know if I could ever look at him the same way again, even if he did want to reconnect. I likely would not be here if it wasn't for the silence on his end. When we were in constant contact, I was a bundle of nerves and emotion.

Time has gone by so quickly over the past year. Faster than I ever thought it would. And here I am.

You know, if he does contact me, I might just fall off my chair! I am so not expecting to hear from him. I am strangely at peace with that."

You are doing great Portia. This is such a difficult time for you. You must have felt so neglected and abandoned, but you sound really strong now. I'm proud of you, proud to be able to call you my friend, and hope to be able to "let it go" like you have. If your SO does ever contact you again (and I am one of the believers like Bright, that he will wake up and want you back some day!), but when that day comes, we'll get rH to sew you a seatbelt for your chair!

Hi

Just was thinking of you, wanted to stop by.

I hope your "peace" is continuing.

~~ ~~

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to quickly post here and will catch up with everyone's threads shortly.

B - no worries about laughing! It is the absolute truth. One of the last times we spoke, he actually called me at work - and I didn't immediately recognize his voice. Whoops! Next BF better have some kind of sexy accent.

Bright, I know what you are saying. And I remember you were without contact for some time. I also know how it feels when people point out that contact is positive - in my case it was positive that he responded, because later he even stopped responding. But I know how it feels when even though the action (contacting) is positive, it does not feel positive to you.

Linda, thank you so much for your kind words and unfailing optimism! I do not honestly believe that he will return and I do not expect to hear from him. Certainly, I have no desire to contact him. I am just not willing to put myself out there for him to further hurt me. Detachment comes in different ways for all of us. But he has vanished out of my life and has ignored the contact attempt by me; meanwhile my life remains in high gear - my other parent went into Hospital this weekend for something serious but not life threatening - and once again, I am coping alone. And I am OK. No urge to even call him. What for? When my parent was in Hospice and her time was drawing near, there was no word from him then. The sad truth is that in the most difficult times of my life, he simply has not been there for me.

So, I care a little less every day that goes by that he is not in my life.

MizJ - yes, my peace is being preserved. Not to say I don't have my angry moments and some sad ones. After all, I still believe we could have had a good future together. But that was with the guy I thought I knew. I don't know the person he is now. Our past is no longer enough to trump his present actions. I have even started to put away the bits at the apartment. I do not intend to send them to him; whatever I am not keeping, I will donate or throw out. There isn't much anyway. I cleaned my stuff out of his apartment at BD. So glad that I did.

oh crap, I'm so sorry your SO didn't contact you while you were facing the death of your parent. I would like to "punch his in the ear" like uR says, or send her over to do the punching, she's fierce! Maybe you are better without him in your life, my dear friend, you are growing stronger. Throw his stuff away, live your life. When he returns he won't even recognize you! You are a survivor Portia!

It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
Somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
Still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
And now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me....."I will survive" Gloria Gaynor

Portia,

it sounds like you are healing.

Not maybe how you had once hoped though.

I hope you are filling up his void with excellent things.

Linda and MizJ,

Love that you stopped by!

Linda, I love that song. It gives me strength when I hear it.

No MizJ, I had hoped for my own fairy tale. That he would be dripping with remorse and want to work on our relationship. I still believe it could have been a good one.

But now, even if he was to come back to me right now, I am not sure I could welcome him. It will be a year from BD at the end of this month. Essentially, he had not been in my life for all that time. Even when we were still talking regularly, he was lying (badly) every time his lips moved.

I am getting to done.

Portia, thank you for stopping at my thread and for your encouraging words. I love you too. You are a strong person and you deserve better than to be treated this way by SO. He will so regret what he is doing right now.

I’m reading the book “Creative Visualization” and I’m starting to practice how to create the life I want for myself. You can create the life for you that will be full of love, and I’m sure the right person will come around, whether it will be your SO or somebody else.