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And you haven't confronted a man acting in this manner in YOUR house because...

doubt, bro.
i don't really know what is his intentions. he could be really attentive and wants to help out. Or he could be gay.
i risk confronting W and drive her towards him.
i risk confronting him and this could spelt them going 'underground'.

what is the right approach?
this has been going on long enough and getting more frequent.

You don't know his intentions, so ask him what his intentions are! If they go underground or something else, that's their decision, but capitulating in this fashion is showing BOTH of them that you are weak, which certainly isn't attractive to your W if that is your goal. She has to respect you as a man before she can respect you as a mate, and you aren't giving her any reason to. You have every right to question this person and his completely inappropriate behavior.

That may or may not be the DB approach, but I wouldn't care. There's an inappropriate relationship with YOUR wife in YOUR house with YOUR children present. I am not intending to come down hard on you, but I have no idea how you can sit idly by and watch this.

-PM

i have been feet dragging far too long.

i intend to approach W first.

just received a text from him apologizing for his interference.
going to meet up with him later tonight to clear the air and bloody give him my bloody mind.

Good, Planet, glad to hear he initiated an apology. That probably took some guts, and so does meeting up with you. Don't forget that your main beef is with your W. He's not hanging around doing favors and checking out the kids' rooms without your W welcoming him. However, he should know his intentions don't look good hanging around a married woman's family to such an intimate degree.

What do you think your W needed that she wasn't getting in your marriage and is looking elsewhere for? I think it was interesting how struck you were by this guy's acts-of-service type actions. Why don't you try doing similar things and see how it is received?

So the guy has come forward and apologized. That's good that he recognizes his behavior is inappropriate and is polite enough to apologize. I suggest you still talk to him, but you don't need to be rude, just firm. You don't need to empathize with his position either, just defend your own turf. You don't need to tell him how YOU feel either, just stick to the facts: what is and isn't okay with you regarding YOUR wife and home and family.

Regarding this:


All you can do is show her, over time, that your changes are real. It is going to take consistent action over the long haul.

-PM

Thanks adinva. Been trying 180 from my old self. Funnily, it was noticed by other people but they are quite taken aback with the changes. W told me so.
Well whatever.

Thanks PatientMan for caring.
I know now for sure his intentions are. He had developed special feelings for W. He never confessed to W but his attentiveness is well received.
I spoke to W shortly after I returned. She had also developed feelings for him. She felt very comfortable with him. Funnily, W never mentioned anything about our D to him.
I let her know that there are boundaries and limits which he can move around the house. But she thought otherwise. Well I suppose when you in that 'zone', you're in that 'zone'. Something's become acceptable. It's all about their physical posturing when talking.
The 'not quite OM' is quite a special guy, kinda like those 2 guys from 'twilight'. I do feel I could learn quite a lot from this guy. Yes they do exist. I'm the 180 of this guy. Haha.
I told him to back off. But he's unwilling to do so. At the end I just left. I let him know how inappropriate it was. He said he just wants what's best for W and feels I'm not treating her right.

Well adinva. It's being 10% of the that guy, she'll be fulfilled. I know what she means. I agree.
Sure I will be the best I can. Is part of desiring to be better.
W also brought up issues regarding my family repeatedly. W truly hates my mom and sis. She told me not to put my hopes up. She's not changing her mind and that my family IS the biggest problem.
I have spoken to my parents the other night. I truly believed their intentions and actions where never meant to hurt her. W say mom is lying to save herself. This is truly hurtful.
Believe nothing of what I hear? I have hearing about this many times for 4 years but W did say if I had treated her better all this probably will not have come to this stage. Right again.