My four day dating marathon is over. The good news is I survived and I do have a slight bit more clarity then I had a couple of days ago. For those who may be interested here's a recap of the last two women I went out with (Amanda and Romy):
Amanda - We met outside a Barnes and Nobles and took a nice long walk through town. She lived up to her pictures. She is a very cute, tan, tall blond and is very, very fit - I mean the woman had some serious guns on her. She works out regularly, does yoga and teaches nutrition at a local college. Anyway to make a long story short, I think she is a bit too quirky for me and there really didn't seem to be a real connection between us. So Amanda falls into the "one and done" category unfortunately.
Romy - Is a FIRECRACKER. She's an elementary school teacher and full of life. She is also the youngest of the 4 women I dated - only 45. We met for drinks and spent about 3 hours together which felt like maybe 1 at most. Very good conversation and she thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Of the four women, she was the ONLY one who initiated any type of physical contact by reaching for my hand as we walked out to our cars. I liked that. So Romy and I will definitely have another date.
So next week instead of 4 dates I will only have 3 (see I am getting better). I'm trying not to feel guilty about it and give each of them the attention they deserve on the dates - although I am wondering if the failure of chemistry with Amanda was partially due to my fault in that I really didn't want to go through with all four dates and still have 4 women that I was interested in. I did try to be engaging with her - but I think I really was placing a lot of focus on why she might not work out for me instead of the opposite.
Oh and I have stopped communicating with anyone new on Match until I sort the above hot mess out!
I promised an update, so here it is. Sweet Stuff disclosed his overall story to me on Sunday, and we hashed stuff out last night, and it's kind of bittersweet.
The end is that Sweet Stuff is moving back to Chicago in August to be with his family and friends (support network is strong there). His XW told the 2 oldest sons that only his complete ruination was her goal. To say they hate her is a gross understatement. They got divorced here in Colorado, where the laws are willy nilly. He pays child support, yet she has a restraining order against him so he can't even see his kids, call them or show up at baseball games. He made a decision a few years back to show up anyway and got hauled away in cuffs. The arresting cop was apologetic when he told Sweet Stuff that she was pressing full charges and he felt sorry for him. His D attorney told him he has never met a more vindictive and evil spouse. And coming from a D attorney, my guess is he's seen it all.
The restraining order resulted in a felony menacing charge, which is on his record until he gets it expunged (which he can do). It also prevented him from continuing his cherished career as a middle school language arts teacher.
He's got a lot to deal with there, and I support him going home to figure this out so he can achieve long term happiness. His family can offer him the support while he goes through the legal processes to clear up his record and try to get some visitation with his kids. Ironically, the oldest boys call him when they are at friends' houses to talk to him. She won't allow them to call from the house. I think that's beyond sad.
So I had to tell him I hope he understands, but I'm not a time killer and don't want to continue knowing there is an ending here with both of us starting new chapters. He understood. He told me some really nice things that he appreciates in me that made me cry. And this morning he texted me and told me that I'm one of the genuinely nicest persons that he's ever met and he wished I was going with him. So at least he gave me one big gift and that's hope. That's a big thing for me, and I really, REALLY appreciate hearing those words.
We're going to text and call but not see each other, which is my boundary. I'm okay but a little bummed.
My next plan is to get back in shape and go hit some balls with Golf Girl. My back is in much better shape this summer - something that prevented me from hauling my clubs around and being conducive to taking productive swings the past couple of years.
I'm not going to go back online for the time being. I think I'm just going to get back to the business of being me and devoting my energy to my relationships with my daughters. D19 was genuinely sorry for me last night, which was nice. She's leaving in a little over a month, so maybe we can head up to Cheyenne Frontier Days at the end of the month and make a little trouble together... at the Alan Jackson/Randy Houser concert.
In the meantime, I'm going to the baseball game tonight with one of my hot (and also gay) cop friends. We have good seats above home plate, it's a fireworks game (and the best in Denver), and he's buying me dinner and drinks. I couldn't possibly be disappointed about this! The best thing about my gay male friends is that we can admire the other guys together. Life is really great.
In the meantime, I'm going to go home and do a little more weeding. My a*hole neighbor called the HOA on me when my lawnmower was broken, and I have to be in compliance by Friday (she could have come over to ask me if something was wrong?). My landscaper is trying to get me on the schedule in the next week, which will eliminate this problem altogether. I haven't had money until now. The ironic thing is that the neighbor who turned me in committed suicide last week. Go figure? Life sure is strange.
Anyhoo, hope everyone has a fabulous 4th! Stay safe and have fun!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Have a great time tonight, Betsey! I'll be at the fireworks in Erie. I'm sorry things didn't work out with Mr. SS, but you were indeed a gift to each other.
I'd be happy to hit some balls with you anytime! I'm out of town for the next two weekends, but get your game on and I'll be ready that last week of July.
I have TWO match.com dates this weekend. One is playing golf and the other is a coffee/drink date. How cool is that?? They are both golfers and I'm SUPER excited about that...
Will report on my progress as I attempt to catch BA in the numbers game! I just posted a picture of my MGB, so that will bring out another set of specimens!
To be continued.....
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Golfgirl - you are playing unfair!!! Guys are suckers for car pictures! How am I going to compete with that??? I saw a profile of a woman who was laying on the hood of a 1970 Pontiac GTO convertible - heck I don't remember what she looked like but I can still picture that car!
Maybe I'll take a picture of my walkin closet to show how much room I have for some lucky lady's shoe collection!
Good luck with your dates this weekend - BTW for future reference I am a golfer and in your age bracket!
Sorry about SS, Betsey. I think you are wise to not continue seeing him, it just postpones the inevitable feelings. Also, you're absolutely right not to go online right away, give yourself some time...sometimes the shorter relationships can be pretty hard because you have so many fantasies about what might have been. Anyway, you reached out to someone, formed a wonderful bond and lived to tell about it lol. That's a huge step.
So sorry to hear this Bets - he seemed so good for you. Although his ex probably IS nuts - remember that there are usually 2 sides to it & you've only heard his version of it. It's not likely he did nothing wrong to get such harsh treatment from the judge. You can probably check into it but you're better just to checkout of it.
BA, so this means I have a green light to present a photo of me sprawled on the hood of my adorable RX-8??? It's really cute and fast too. That's where having all my cop friends might come in handy... BTW, my first car was a red Triumph Spitfire. My dad always had MGB's before he had kids. We both have an affection for sports cars, which is why I'm enjoying the Mazda now. It's just..... Fast!
Barb, per above friends, his story checked out. My date last night said he read the arresting officer's statements and HE felt bad for SS. It doesn't matter anyway. We've texted but that's it. I'm content on hanging out with my girls and their friends. D19 just left for the pool, and D16 and I are watching Take Me Out To The Ballgame. We're huge Gene Kelly fans in my house...
Then tonight D19 is making her special organic pizza with cauliflower crust, then a bunch of her friends are coming over to hang out by the chiminea. I will enjoy having them around.
Yes last night was really fun. We had seats in the upper section above home plate, which is my favorite spot. They must have let all the cops have the night off, because my friend was laughing as he waved to his colleagues around us. It's good to know we were protected well last night. One of the was a member of the SWAT team. You never know. Every single game that I've been to when we play the Dodgers, the cops are called to remove the riff raff. I've gone to a lot of them. I'm happy to report no incidents.
All is okay here. I love the 4th. My dad has a retired cop friend in England who calls today "Give a country away day" LOL.
Have a fabulous one!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks!i actually have quite a few hot gay friends. Three of them are cops. And all of them are fun. I'm particularly fond of the one who took me to the game last night. He looks like a really hot Tiger Woods (I'm serious). When we got to the restaurant/bar before the game, we got carded. The bouncer/host looked confused when he mentally did the math between us. I started to laugh and said, "so I graduated from high school the month before he was born. So what?" My bud said, "don't explain yourself"... If he was straight AND I was a cougar, I'd totally go for him. But if HE was straight, he said D19 was totally his type. LOL
Barb, I know it's hard to believe but Colorado is a really impossible state for divorce. You know our mutual friend, Linda, and her outcome. She had it the toughest.
But I have 2 friends who have had nightmares too - and they happen to be women. Their xh's were awful and continuously dragging them to court. One of them has a daughter with the same diagnosis as D16, and she and her xh (her current H too) are commercial pilots. Her xh wanted their disabled daughter placed in a home instead of living with my friend and her H. Problem is that there are no institutions here. And thankfully, during one of the many times she was dragged to court, her lawyer found a witness in another pilot. The pilot testified that her ex confided to him that he was he'll bent on ruining her. It had a happy outcome, but she wasted so much time and money fighting his bogus accusations.
My business partner's wife had a similar journey. Her xh is a real a-hole. They had to declare bankruptcy after his numerous court filings. Happily, 2 years ago they finally proved to the court that he was making stuff up (all unfounded abuse allegations) and told him that he would jail and fine him the next time he saw him in his court room. The even sadder outcome is that her 3 sons are so messed up by this.
I know more folks who were suffering in the parenting column after unfair and untrue allegations. I wish the courts here made things a little tougher.
Even my cop friend last night told me how bad things can be. He's had to arrest for the restraining orders where there has been no proof.
In the end, I'm SO happy Mr. Wonderful and I aren't part of that. I've thanked him recently too. As in yesterday... After he told me he's pretty much going to be out of state the entire months of November and December.
BA, that might mean we're in town for a thanksgiving and Christmas. I'll let you know. That way, we can have the holidays as a family at my folks' if it works out. But I'd say probably Thanksgiving is a given.
Ok, time to join all the kids in my back yard.
TTFN,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
wow.. have i missed alot.. betsey, im glad you are doin ok. im impressed with how you are handling it. that makes me happy. i have a wierd attachment to all you people here. i worry bout my "friends"sometimes.
Betsey
BTW, my first car was a red Triumph Spitfire. My dad always had MGB's before he had kids. We both have an affection for sports cars, which is why I'm enjoying the Mazda now. It's just..... Fast!