Write H and Ho-bag a letter (one for each?) and then make sure they never see 'em. Print it, take it outside and set it on fire, while cursing and letting it all out. It's not good to hold it in.
I'm wishing you all the best, TVS.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanks FY for the suggestion. I had a couch cushion punching session earlier today, and did some name calling during that. I highly recommend it!
The truth is, I don't really know the truth. Just another reminder of our dead M. I HATE all the secrets and lies.
My H has lied about so much for so long, that its hard for me to believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
Yes, he seemed sincere that he was golfing. He didn't have to call home everyday - I did not ask him to. He seemed like he wanted to talk to me each time he called.
Yet, something just isn't sitting right with me about this trip. Too many odd things.
I had a nice time with my in-laws today. It was sad saying good- bye to my SIL and her kids. It ended up being a true blessing that they were here while H was gone. The days went by pretty quickly.
H will be home tomorrow afternoon. Like rH, I will have the house looking good and maybe even myself. I am going to do my best to be upbeat tomorrow upon his arrival. Being in a bad mood over speculation isn't going to accomplish much of anything.
Still feeling sad and down though. Going to try to focus on our family vacation and upcoming spa getaway.
And UW, I read your post over and over. It did make me feel better. So, thanks for calming me down - once again
And thanks to everyone for being here and helping me along
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Oh T, I know that dealing with this day in and day out can be so wearing on you.
No matter how detached you hope you are, I know that there is always a catch in your throat. I know that there is that feeling in your stomach when you think about it all. That nauseous, unsettled pit there.
This is so difficult on so many levels. There is the beating to your heart, the undeniable disappointment in your h, the feeling that this just cant be.
I remember feeling like I was in some bad dream and why wasnt I waking up?
But sometimes it is best to accept what life has given us. I am trying to remember that myself.
This is what you have been given at this time. I believe there is always a reason.
I think you have learned what you are made of, how strong you are, how loyal. You might have known it deep down before, but, oh, how this has shown it in full color.
But I truly believe that this journey for your h had to happen, too, T. It did.
And one day you will know the reason why.
And there is such hope that you will have a wonderful marriage one day. Built of the strength you have shown. And it will be with two people who have weathered the storm and decided to build something of their own making.
But the really amazing thing part of that marriage will be in the knowledge that whatever happens, you will be ok.
Thank you, U. This was the last thing I read before I went to bed last night. I went to sleep with a good feeling in my heart.
You are right, the knowledge of what is going on is always there. For me, it's this weight on my chest that is always there. What fluctuates is how heavy that weight is.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm actually trying to accept. That my H doesn't love me anymore? To be honest, I don't accept that. At all.
I accept that he is in crisis. That he has a deep pain within himself. That he is not that man I married. That he has disappointed and hurt me in ways I never thought possible.
But I also accept that I have been loving, loyal, and kind to him even when he was more than less so to me. I accept that I have done everything to shelter my kids from all of this. I accept that I have done everything to keep our family intact, even when it was beyond painful to me.
You know, I have given my H many chances for an out. I have told him he is free to leave if he would be happier. That I did love him enough to let him go.
Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is. I do ask myself, why?
We have weathered other storms, some pretty bad ones too. None as destructive as this. I still have hope that we will be together in the end.
Not sure what the repercussions of this trip will be, or if there will be any. I guess time will tell.
Thanks again for understanding and being here. It means more than you could imagine
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is. I do ask myself, why?
I ask myself that, too. Why is your H still there?
He is so different in that way than mine was. When my H was ready to move out, he said he thought about leaving 24/7. When my H was ready to D, he said overnight wasn't fast enough to get a D.
The only thing I can figure is that whatever the causes are of the crisis for each person would determine how it gets played out. Thus FY's W stays, and stays connected, but wants to run. Your H stays but strays emotionally in an A. T^2's W stays but has these cyber rendezvous's. My H said he wanted to go, and did go, but never left emotionally.
Such a strange world we are now a part of. I often go back to what T^2 said long ago, that maybe we are meant to be a part of this person's life to help them through these crises. Help them become strong and mature adults, and through helping, we grow ourselves.
Tvs, I'll be thinking of you all day. Let us know how things go for you when H gets back. You're a light and joy to your boys and a delight on this forum. I wish you strength and courage today.
rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
You've been with me since the beginning here, through all the crazy ups and downs - and there has been a lot!
I agree with T^2 also - I fully believe I was meant to be in my H's life to help him through the crisis. Yes, ultimately they have to do the work to get through, but we are that rock that supports them even when they don't realize it.
I'll take all the strength and courage you can send!
Will update on H's homecoming
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
But I also accept that I have been loving, loyal, and kind to him even when he was more than less so to me. I accept that I have done everything to shelter my kids from all of this. I accept that I have done everything to keep our family intact, even when it was beyond painful to me.
And that right there ^^^^matters, T. Really, it is the only thing that does. It matters that one day he will realize what you have done and so will your children.
You know, I have given my H many chances for an out. I have told him he is free to leave if he would be happier. That I did love him enough to let him go.
Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is.
I think that is very telling, T. There is a connection he cannot break - even through his crisis.
I know that this trip has hurt you, T and I am so sorry. It is sad watching the one you love cause such destruction. Sadder still, that he is so broken he does not fully realize it.
Maybe what you need to accept is this. In order to be true to yourself, knowing who you are, what you are made of, and how you love, that this is what you are meant to do at this time.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm actually trying to accept. That my H doesn't love me anymore? To be honest, I don't accept that. At all.
And you shouldn't. I don't accept that my W doesn't love me either!
I accept that he is in crisis. That he has a deep pain within himself. That he is not that man I married. That he has disappointed and hurt me in ways I never thought possible.
Right.
But I also accept that I have been loving, loyal, and kind to him even when he was more than less so to me. I accept that I have done everything to shelter my kids from all of this. I accept that I have done everything to keep our family intact, even when it was beyond painful to me.
Like UR said, this is most important! Both for us AND for our spouses. What you are doing to save your marriage is more than noble.
You know, I have given my H many chances for an out. I have told him he is free to leave if he would be happier. That I did love him enough to let him go.
Yet almost a year and a half later, here he still is. I do ask myself, why?
Because you offer comfort and stability to him during this most painful period in his life. No one else would stand by him through all this... certainly FT won't be there for long.
I really liked this post TVS. Thank you!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I don't know if you've heard this song by country singer Blake Shelton, but maybe you can gain from strength from it today. My H said he really liked this song recently while we were listening to it in the car but it was hard for me not to not cry and to swallow that lump in my throat.
She left without leavin' a number Said she needed to clear her mind He figured she'd gone back to Austin 'Cause she talked about it all the time It was almost a year before she called him up Three rings and an answering machine is what she got
If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin' If it's anybody else, wait for the tone, You know what to do And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you
The telephone fell to the counter She heard but she couldn't believe What kind of man would hang on that long What kind of love that must be She waited three days, and then she tried again She didn't know what she'd say, But she heard three rings and then
If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain I'm headed out to the lake And I'll be gone, all weekend long But I'll call you back when I get home On Sunday afternoon And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you
Well, this time she left her number But not another word Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin' And this is what he heard
If you're callin' 'bout my heart It's still yours I should've listened to it a little more Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you
I still love you
Thinkin' of you, Tvs.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
great song, rH! you have become a great country girl! We standers are listening to our hearts, hopefully our MLCers will too someday! How was your H's homecoming? I have to go check your thread!
"I agree with T^2 also - I fully believe I was meant to be in my H's life to help him through the crisis. Yes, ultimately they have to do the work to get through, but we are that rock that supports them even when they don't realize it."
What a statement TVS. You are such a strong woman. Someday your H will thank the good Lord that you were in his life to help him through his crisis. That's a new perspective for me.
Have you any plans TVS, for his homecoming, like you did with your good bye hug?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
