Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis own a buz - pt 12 ... taking him off the pedestal

decided to change my display name. I am no longer "waiting" for magic. I am "making" my own!!!

Celebrations with friends yesterday were awesome. (bad) I intentionally pocket dialed h for him to "hear" a party going on in the background as opposed to possibly all the "crying/complaining of h" that he may have heard with my other unintentional pocket dials. It didn't work out. The call was disconnected, so music was not likely heard, and I honestly thought it didn't go through (was relieved). About an hour later he sends a message "Hi.. pocket dial or is something up"... I was still busy, about 3 hours later I replied "ooops pocket dial sorry" Then he replied "no problem... hope you enjoyed a work free couple of days" I didn't reply till this morning, after I missed his phone call. "yes, I did. Really appreciated the break. Lots of work to do today, will call you in a bit". He seems attentive again today.

We have a busy work week ahead. I really need to speak with him soon about our financial position. I need to see a lawyer soon too.

Magic,

I want to commend you for your recent posts in other threads today. I sense that there's been a change in your outlook which is more positive and more accepting of your sitch instead of resisting and resisting it. Your new attitude does bleed out and I am liking your calm demeanor. Whatever you are doing with IC, it is working really well!!

Keep up the good work!! Well done!

she fake pocket dialed her H so he would hear a party going on. That is not detached or personal growth.

There is only one thing that works and it isn't counselors.

I'm so glad for you that you and your counselor seem like a good fit Magic! It's so important that your counselor be supportive of YOUR goals and not just push their own agenda on you. And I'm loving your name change!

That's so funny that you intentionally "pocket dial" your H so he hears you're out having fun. It sounds like your H and you speak or text a lot. Do you two get to actually see each other?

Keep up the great work

I really need to speak with him soon about our financial position. I need to see a lawyer soon too.

Magic, talk to us here. Please do not do anything now as making a move now could be a serious misstep that has the potential to really hurt you. What's happening in your head about the "financial position"? There is no urgency in speaking to H about it now. It is your discomfort that is making noises inside your head. You will need to sit through this discomfort and it will eventually go away.

I agree that seeing a lawyer to arm yourself with information and getting your financial ducks lined up FIRST before even broaching it with H. What is holding you back from picking up the phone and making that appointment with L?

First of all, I am not proud of the intentional pocket dial. It was a one time occurence, that I shouldn't have done. I thought I had averted it, apparantly not. All other pocket dials were by mistake and I still have no clue what he heard.

PON ~ I am not perfect, neither are you. I have had alot of growth and have doubled in my detachment skills. Albeit, the pocket dial is a set back. Wonka is right, there is a change in me... I am becoming more accepting of my sitch. As much as I still don't like it. (insert serenity prayer).

Thanks Linda... figured I have the power to make my OWN magic. Not Wait for someone else to give it!

Thanks Wonka, I am working on acceptance (its to be discussed at my next IC session). As for the financial discussion. I will not agree to anything with h, but want to hear what he suggests first. Then write it all down, consider it. Then go to a lawyer with it. I still need to get my name on the business first, before we can divide it.

Just had a calm disagreement with h. First convo was rushed but he called back because he thought he hung up without saying bye. Next convo. He is insistant that we purchase another unit today as he wants to make $$. I reminded him that our goal was to downsize and that we did not "need" this one. He got a bit snippy and stated "well maybe we need to divide this so I can make money and my expertise and time...blah blah". I said "yah, maybe". I ended up stating that I placed the bid for him, at a lower rate than he was campaining me for. I didn't want to bid in the first place. I got off the phone because I needed to make another call. Called him back to state I upped our bid another $50. He wasn't receptive, said he had to go.

I feel bullied.

Tx Gabby... but, isnt it bullying when he is insistant that I bid? Yes, i am scared of going against him and him getting mad at me (it is lessening tho). But, I did stand my ground and in a calm manner too. I feel the bullying comes in when he "threatened" that he should just do the business on his own, blah blah blah.

Looking forward to your next comment. TX

As for the financial discussion. I will not agree to anything with h, but want to hear what he suggests first. Then write it all down, consider it. Then go to a lawyer with it. I still need to get my name on the business first, before we can divide it.

Magic, you've got this backwards. You NEED to go to the L FIRST before even having any financial convos with H. Trust me, this is for your own good. The L will be able to advise you of what options are available for you in regard to the business. Get a L who specializes in businesses...ins't yours a LLC? If yes, then get the L who specializes in LLC matters.

He is insistant that we purchase another unit today as he wants to make $$. I reminded him that our goal was to downsize and that we did not "need" this one.

I ended up stating that I placed the bid for him, at a lower rate than he was campaining me for. I didn't want to bid in the first place.

Perhaps have H spell out to you from his POV why he wants to make certain purchases. Just hear him out. If you feel that his reasons are not good for the business, then you better have solid data to back it up! Data cannot be argued with if you have the facts and figures at hand.

Magic, I am going to recommend a book that is a MUST read for women in business [or any workplace] (this applies to female lurkers as well! Yes, I mean you, and YOU too... ).

How To Say It for Women. Communicating with Confidence and Power Using the Language of Success by Phyllis Mindell
ISBN 0-7352-0222-2 (paperback version)

"as opposed to possibly all the "crying/complaining of h" that he may have heard with my other unintentional pocket dials."

I can't believe you're still hung up on this. This probably never even happened. YOU convinced yourself it did even though he's never brought anything like this up. Let it go.

Next, when it comes to the business side, just state your reasons and then let him state his. A man gets alot of his self worth from his job and he probably feels like you're trying to override him (that's his issue but it's how he feels). Especially since you said he's made work his life.

forgot to add... he also said 'then I won't have to share the profits".... now how should I respond to that?

The reason I want to go to lawyer second. Is to hear if what H suggests is fair. If I go to L first then I may come across as attacking H with too muck knowledge of how to do stuff. Not sure what LLC means?

I understand why he wants to make certain purchases..... because he is being GREEDY and loves the thrill of a deal!! If we had a bigger location and we were still a couple, blah blah I could understand it more. BUT, it was HIM who initially suggested to downsize!!.. what happened to THAT plan? Its like he sells 1, buys 5. How are we ever going to downsize on that plan? I asked him if he knew the count of our inventory? He did not! Guess its time to add them up and let him know the ACTUAL number!