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TVS I cannot do more than say what URworthy said to you.

On a practical note - has your h had his health checked out thoroughly? Within three years of of BD my xh became very seriously ill, and his doctor failed to pick up the early signs, which ended up with massive surgery.

If I am honest (and a consultant friend of mine agreed) it was a type of illness that is usually generated by extreme stress.

If we had been together I would have marched him off (bound and gagged is necessary) to the doctor and then a specialist, but he was with OW1 who was primarily interested in herself.

I do not want to worry you, but MLC can take a huge toll on our health. I was diagnosed with cancer while the divorce was going on. So please take care of yourself too in all of this.

You are a very special lady, and will be a great help to others who come here.

Thanks ladies. Love you guys

Bea, my H does see doctors on a regular basis because of his numerous health issues. However, he does not heed the doctors advice about many things. He openly admits this.

He was supposed to have bloodwork done in April to check his cholesterol. He keeps putting this off as he has not been taking his one medication.

He should be exercising, eating healthy, not drinking. Three strikes and you're out there.

I do worry tremendously about his health. And like you, I would have hounded him about going to the doctors till he went.

But now... I feel like that is not my place. I'm not his mother. He is being incredibly selfish in not taking care of himself, as this not only affects him, but his family too.

It makes no sense to me to deal with a possible shorter life span by shortening it even more. That's less time that everyone who loves and cares for him will have him in their life. That's less time our boys will have their father.

And that is just pure selfishness, plain and simple.

I do believe the crisis has magnified all his health issues ten fold, and that is scary.

I try my best to take care of myself, really have been for years. Besides the first few months after bomb - where I was just trying to survive - I have made it a point to keep my health the best possible.

Because truly, the thought of my precious children having no parents is enough to kill me. I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen.

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. You are a sweet and wonderful lady, and I'm sorry that your x has caused you and your family so much pain. It just all seems so senseless.

UW ~ thank you for your honesty, I really do appreciate it.

I am beyond glad to hear you say you are happy. I know you have had a tough go of things for a long time, and still do. But you never let it break your spirit. I hope I can make it through this the same.

I completely understand what you mean about being unsure about loving and trusting again - whether it's my H or another man. My heart has been so damaged, it makes me feel damaged. And that is definitely not how I want to be.

I think women like us have such a big heart that it leaves us open to getting hurt. It leaves us vulnerable. Yet, I am not convinced that this is bad if this is who we are.

Even through all this madness, all the lies, deceit, and hurt, I can see that possibility of having a deep and loving M with my H. I have always thought there was something special between us, still do.

Just hope I'm not being unrealistic or blind in believing this.

Still have that hope that things will work out in the end, whenever that may be. Once my hope is gone, then I know it will be time to move on.

TV,
I'm sorry to come here and read that your h still isn't following through on some of his medical tests and not taking medication. It will only make his life worse by not doing so...but mlcers think that they are young and don't have to worry too much about those illness because they figure they need to live life to the fullest and take whatever may come along. He's only hurting himself and I realize you can't do anything about it...but, I'm going to ask you a question...do you have a life insurance policy on him? If you don't, I would suggest you think about it and put the children as the beneficiaries. Not trying to scare you, but it's important that your little ones be protected in case his health takes a turn in the next few years.

I am praying that your family will be restored in a very healthy way. I hope that the trip will set in motion the reality of what he has at home and what he currently has w/the Tart.

Please take care of yourself and try not to over do it. Okay?

Oh TVS, sorry you're going thru such a hard time with your H. I bet it is the stress YOU are feeling from him impending vacation. But don't worry, Fat Frumpy Cabbage Patch Twat HAS been showing her evil side (which you know well) and this beach trip will reveal FFCPT in all her full glory. She didn't have a lick of empathy for her own H thru cancer and surgery, what makes your H think she'll tolerate what he calls "itchy disgusting miserable bumps" for one second? The fact that he was so grateful for the "human touch" when you massaged his scalp says it all. Either he does not see FFCPT as human (well it COULD be that ) but more likely she is not meeting his needs for caring and loving touch. I think "stepping up the other stuff - eye contact, physical touches, conversation, non- sexual flirting" is a great move on your part at this time. You can always pull back if you feel the need to.

I agree with uR about the hole in your heart not always feeling like that. In your case, I have every confidence that you and your H are going to reconcile and have a stronger M than ever. I believe it for you, and don't think you are at all unrealistic or blind for believing it for yourself. But if for some off the wall reason you do not, I think the hole will fill in some, and that raw pain will stop. I don't know if you've ever lost a parent, but my mom died about 30 years ago. I'm older now than she ever was! The pain was so bad at first, but after a year it eased off, then in time I got to the point where I could remember our good times, to be happy for her love and guidance in the time I had her. I still think of her almost every day, and wish I could talk to her about my sitch now, but the painful crater has been filled in. Hopefully it is like that for people whose spouses never come out of frigging MLC, and who stay in crazy land forever. I hope you (and I) never have to find out first hand.

Stay hopeful, my friend. You are strong and wonderful, and I love you a LOT!

Hi Snodderly ~ my H has stated - numerous times - things like he knows he's living on borrowed time, that he's going to die before me, that he doesn't have that many years left.

So I have come to the conclusion that in his mind, he doesn't have long to live anyway, so he's gonna live it up while he's still here.

Doesn't seem to think about how his actions hurt his family, though.

We have looked into life insurance for him a few times. No company will touch him because of his health. This is a sore spot for him - he told me he feels like a failure, feels like he let me and the boys down. I have tried - unsuccessfully - to convince him otherwise.

I think this trip has the potential to be very eye opening for H. Remember how I heard him arguing on the phone with her? That was back in February. I doubt that things have gotten any better. Sure, there are those good happy moments they have, those "highs" - but I'm guessing they are not the same as they used to be.

You will be happy to know I booked my spa trip with my good friend! We go later in July

Hi Linda ~ I always enjoy reading your posts to people, you are so very kind and funny

I was thinking about our H's and their super skank OW's, and this story from my childhood popped into my mind...

I have this friend whose mother is tough. You did not want to p!ss her off, ever!

So one day, this mom catches my friend's older sister with cigarettes. Not. Good.

She tells her something like, "you think you're so grown up, you want to smoke? Okay then, let's see you smoke!"

She took her and made her smoke cigarette after cigarette after cigarette till the older sister threw up.

To the best of my knowledge, I don't believe she ever touched a cigarette again

So maybe our H's need to be left to their dirty, disgusting cigarette of a woman , and keep taking them in till it makes them sick.

Just sayin.

Sorry that you lost your mom so long ago, I can only imagine how painful that was for you. I am very fortunate to have both my parents still here.

I remember I once saw on tv a celebrity commenting on the loss of her mother - she said, "No one will ever love me like she did." I think that is very true.

Thanks for the vote of confidence - it's good to hear now and again

Working on giving my PMA a little tune up to get it up and running again

Hi tvs!

I'm keeping up with your thread; a lot going on.

Just time for a quick post. Had a rough weekend but have recovered my PMA and am a happy girl once again (will post on my thread later)

I wonder if your H thinks he deserves such a lowlife as the OW. You're too pure, good and beautiful for him. So he sticks with her to punish himself. Idk. Just musing.

It so hard when they begin to have little genuine moments of connection with us. We remember about loving them in the first place and we want more. I know it's so hard.

But you're doing beautifully,
Hugs,
rH

hahahaha TVS, what a mental image, your poor friend's sister. I smoked one cigarette in my life and threw up, how utterly smart of her mom to make her smoke one after another after another.

And what a good analogy for our Hs and their stinky disgusting cigarettes of OW! I think your H will be gagging and wheezing after his five days with Fat Frumpy Cabbage Patch Twat! Good point rH made eh....that maybe he doesn't think he deserves such a good woman as you, and that a dirty cigarette cabbage patch twat is all he deserves!

Hopefully dirty cigarette RT will lose some of her appeal in the 30 days my H plans to stay in Moscow with her. He told me she had lost "a lot of her mystique" during their first conjugal visit, which was only 2 weeks long. They have a LOT of fights too, and I'm hoping her bitch side will come out in all its glory when her plan for him to divorce me while he's over there is thwarted!!!

And like your H, my H's health is spiraling downhill fast, due to the exact same thing -- refusing to take his prescribed medication. He's supposed to be on very strong antibiotics, heart medicine, and calcium supplements, and the RT won't let him take anything but fermented oatmeal. He's feeling a little sicker and sicker every day. He talks about dying soon too.

Thanks for your kind words about losing my mom, she fought breast cancer for the last 10 years of her life. It spread to her bones and liver, and when it went to her brain, she finally gave up. But she's in a better place and pain free now!

We'll get thru this together, with a little help from our friends.

Okay, I think I have recesitated my PMA...

rH, I have often thought the same thing - that H may think he's a liar and a cheat, so he deserves to be with a liar and a cheat. Nothing I can do about that. HE has to be the one to make better choices and feel better about himself. He deserves so much better than that low life. Wish he could see that...

I always love hearing from you - thank you -

Hi Linda!

30 days is a long time to spend with anybody, let alone a pushy, bossy, trashy oatmeal eating wh@re. Whoops, did I just call her that? My bad! (UW )

That doesn't sound like a vacation, it sounds like a bad horror movie. Seriously.

With the beach trip only days away, I am doing my best to stay positive and not dwell on it. It IS going to happen. I just don't know what the after -effects are going to be.

We WILL get through this with a little help from our friends

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recognized yesterday that I was not in a good place emotionally or mentally, so I asked my parents if they would take the boys for a few hours this evening while H is at golf. They were more than happy to.

I am learning my limits, and what I need to do to take care of myself.

So I have been sitting on our back deck, drinking my iced tea, relaxing. I needed this.

The daisies wilted, so I replaced them with fresh ones. Kinda like my attitude.

Feeling much better than I was 24 hours ago.

Going to enjoy these last few minutes of peace and quiet today. Hope everyone is having a good evening

Well done you for seeing the signs and taking care of yourself. Much better than soldiering grimly on.

You are dong so well in the face of an awful situation. I do wish that MLC could be more widely recognised for the terrible condition it is. Until my lovely xh entered this prison, I thought it was a red sports car joke. I had no idea it ripped apart families and destroyed lives.

So glad you took the opportunity for some time to unwind and mentally regroup TVS. Raising smalll boys is a difficult and exhausting job itself, without the added stress of dealing with a crazy person. 

Bea I thought of MLC as a red sports car joke too. I guess the joke's on us. I remember one of our local doctors going through it years ago. He was in his early 50's, with two sons in their 20's and a well-preserved, attractive but definitely older wife. We noticed that he suddenly started growing his hair long, working out, bought a snappy little convertible, and hanging out with one of the wilder young nurses. The nurse got pregnant and his wife divorced him. We all shook our heads at the stupid man and his funny-sad story, and made stupid unfeeling jokes about MLC. Little did I suspect that a few years later I'd be living the nightmare his poor wife and sons had lived. My H is not as visible in the community, and his antics not as well known, but if he returns from Moscow with RT in tow as his fiance, I bet I'll be the butt of many sniggers and jokes too