Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

Thanks, friends, for your POV's.

I do NOT want to date this guy. I DO want to hang out w him, as he is nearby. I wouldn't go over late at night as I would have to leave me house while my kids are sleeping--NOT HAPPENING!

However, I might go over while my boys are still awake having "movie night", as it is not brand new that I would occasionally hang out w neighbor friends while they are home. (Remember oldest is 14 & perfectly capable of holding down the fort for a period of time in the evenings).

I'm off track. I intend to let him know that I am not yet D'ed and that I am not interested in anything but a friendship.

Today-
Went to S9's soccer game & H came late (went to wrong field). He said hello to boys & they immediately saw someone from work & went and chatted w her. I had to practice slow breathing not to get worked up about this.

Eventually he came over and sat w me. We had some light conversation, although he seemed distracted.

In the morning when he called he asked about the day's schedule. I said after the soccer game was S9's baseball party. The whole family was invited. As H was an assistant coach I said he should probably be the one to go.

He was pleasantly surprised as he knows I don't like to give up the opportunity to socialize.

Before we left the game & he took all 3 boys to the party he asked me what I was planning to do w my afternoon (as he had earlier in the day on the phone). I said IDK, maybe this or maybe that.

Also on the phone in the a.m. he asked me about my trip again. He asked if so-and-so was the "friend" I was going with. I said "no." So, he asked AGAIN who I was going with. So, I just told him my SIL.

He was relieved. He knows she is "safe."

I just felt a little wrong about not telling who I was going with. He said he had another question about my trip but now didn't need to ask. ???

I feel like I took away the "mystery" of he worrying about who I was with.

Thanks, friends, for your POV's.

I do NOT want to date this guy. I DO want to hang out w him, as he is nearby. I wouldn't go over late at night as I would have to leave me house while my kids are sleeping--NOT HAPPENING!

However, I might go over while my boys are still awake having "movie night", as it is not brand new that I would occasionally hang out w neighbor friends while they are home. (Remember oldest is 14 & perfectly capable of holding down the fort for a period of time in the evenings).

I'm off track. I intend to let him know that I am not yet D'ed and that I am not interested in anything but a friendship.

Today-
Went to S9's soccer game & H came late (went to wrong field). He said hello to boys & they immediately saw someone from work & went and chatted w her. I had to practice slow breathing not to get worked up about this.

Eventually he came over and sat w me. We had some light conversation, although he seemed distracted.

In the morning when he called he asked about the day's schedule. I said after the soccer game was S9's baseball party. The whole family was invited. As H was an assistant coach I said he should probably be the one to go.

He was pleasantly surprised as he knows I don't like to give up the opportunity to socialize.

Before we left the game & he took all 3 boys to the party he asked me what I was planning to do w my afternoon (as he had earlier in the day on the phone). I said IDK, maybe this or maybe that.

Also on the phone in the a.m. he asked me about my trip again. He asked if so-and-so was the "friend" I was going with. I said "no." So, he asked AGAIN who I was going with. So, I just told him my SIL.

He was relieved. He knows she is "safe."

I just felt a little wrong about not telling who I was going with. He said he had another question about my trip but now didn't need to ask. ???

I feel like I took away the "mystery" of he worrying about who I was with.

Today, continued...

So, H lingered when he dropped off boys and asked if I wanted to talk (as I indicated I wanted to a couple of days ago). I said "no," as I really didn't want to stir the pot. He seemed okay with this.

On Friday night he had his "staff party" which means he was out where OW was and probably mingled w her all night. So, Sat. I told him I wanted to talk (I wanted to ask him about her--were they seeing each other outside of work).

In our sitch H told me he would let me know if he & OW were "dating." He has said nothing. But, to me that doesn't mean anything. In his mind b/c he doesn't tell me something is not the same as LYING. I beg to differ--it is secretive and dishonest, all the same.

Okay, so Friday evening I had called H (while at party--I didn't know he had a staff party) to talk about a party S14 was having on Saturday. He was "in a bad place." First, it was his (late)mom's birthday. Second, a close co-worker said another co-worker found my name & profile on a meetup web site.

He asked me about this. He knew I had gone to several (5 to be exact) meetups, but didn't know I had a profile "out there."

So, tonight after kids went to bed he called me. He has only done this once or twice since he moved out! He said he went on-line to check out my profile and nowhere on the web site did it say it was a "singles" group (which is what I said the site said).

He went on to rant about this snoopy co-worker & what a gossiper she was. He was very upset w her, and the fact that she passed on information to this other co-worker who questioned him about whether he was having marital problems.

He said he answered, "I don't feel that my private life is any of your concern."

To be honest, I was surprised this co-worker didn't already know as OW works with them too. At least he & OW are being discrete about their R, otherwise she would definitely know (she is the social queen at work & makes it her business to know what's going on w everyone).

I was also surprised he even cared to check out my profile and ask me about it AND call me in the evening to chat about it!!

Oh, and one last thing...yesterday when H came to the house to get ready for S14's party he came up to my bedroom while I was drying my hair (apparently he had been calling me from downstairs & I didn't hear him) & I WAS NAKED! He popped into my room & when he saw that I wasn't dressed he immediately back away & I grabbed a towel...but he was smugly smiling when I went to talk to him with my towel on.

So, today when he came to drop off boys after the party the first thing he says is "I see you're wearing clothes" with a big-a$$ smile on his face!!! I smiled back & said "well, I do now but I was wearing a bikini 5 minutes ago" (which I was).

INTERESTING INTERACTIONS TODAY!

Oh, I also texted cute D'ed guy while kids were away w their dad and repeated a text he had sent me Friday night...

"Am all by my lonesome (until 6). Wanna hang out?"

His reply, "Awww. Wish I could, on my way to so-&-so's. Rain check?"

I replied, "Sure."

Very interesting that in the same weekend cute D'ed guy initiated an invitation to "hang out," that H seemed to show some care about what I'm doing (my trip and my meetup profile).

I probably shouldn't read into either of these, esp H!

"Oh, and one last thing...yesterday when H came to the house to get ready for S14's party he came up to my bedroom while I was drying my hair (apparently he had been calling me from downstairs & I didn't hear him) & I WAS NAKED! He popped into my room & when he saw that I wasn't dressed he immediately back away & I grabbed a towel...but he was smugly smiling when I went to talk to him with my towel on."

Hey GTO, woah really birthday suit--you should've not cover so quickly you know make him suffer a bit ha! make him see what he is missing then cover up

And agreed with you don't read into this much. But I'd say very interesting weekend indeed.

"I feel like I took away the "mystery" of he worrying about who I was with."

^^^darn yeah maybe next time don't give out too much info....

Newman

*Snort*...cute Dad does NOT want to hang out...I haven't read further, but that was an invite to see where you want this to go honey bunch....

Apparently Turtle is getting her groove back....

Turtle, my bet is now that cute guy is interested (which he is btw) you are putting off a very confident interesting vibe that H is picking up on. I would actually lay money on this one. Happens with my H too.

Also, I tell H about stuff when he asks, I just don't volunteer. Time to take an "unsafe" trip though lol. Mysterious is overrated. To me, answering stuff truthfully just indicates that my life is going on, everyone is cool and I have nothing to hide. That everything is happening without you here and I live my life as I see fit.

Yeah, I'm with Kate on this, I think being honest is the best policy. I never offered up info to my H, but if he asked I told him. It just seemed so much like game playing to withhold when he would ask. I'm a straight shooter.

Thanks, newman, ruby & T!

newman--I'm pretty sure H got a good "looksy" at the b-day suit, so...


ruby- I guess I am being naive about cute D'ed dad. We texted again tonight & it was definitely a little "flirty." I first asked him how old his sister was & then he asked about my siblings.

I didn't want to reveal my age to him so I told him that I was 2nd oldest. This went back and forth & he said my age didn't matter, why didn't I just tell him?

Well, I am 14 years older than he is!!! I think this could be a problem for him (but not a problem between friends), so I got all jittery. Don't know why as it is friendship I want.

BTW, I am QUITE AWARE this is how EA/PA's start, so I am going into this with my eyes wide open.

ruby, you might be right that H is noticing this new confidence and distraction w me. H does seem to be asking me more questions and being a little nicer in general (although this really has just been this weekend).

T & ruby- I just wanted H to worry about me going on a trip where there MIGHT be a chance for me to meet/hang out w other men...now that he knows I am meeting up w SIL he knows this will not be the case.

Leaving for my trip on Saturday--very excited to have some ME time w SIL! Yeah, GIRLS TRIP!!!!

Have fun!!! 14 years....pfft.