Thanks Snodderly for the comment and empathy. You are probably right, it will only infuriate me even more. I am just annoyed, I see the kids are annoyed, and H hasn't got a f'in clue.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I am sorry about this. It's so frustrating and maddening and painful and hurtful. Two years ago on New Year's Eve- H ( wasn't Living At home) decided to do NYE at home with the kids. The fell asleep before midnight. h and I had a few drinks then he left. The next morning I realised he took my car ( didn't ask or tell me), and drive an hour out of the city to spend NYE with his new best buds and of course OW. He didn't com back for another day and a half all the while claiming he couldn't come back but really wanted to spend New Year's Day with the kids. So on the holiday we were basically stuck at home, with no car with the kids asking about daddy.
Sometimes they are better not to have holidays with. At least for now. Their minds are not with us anyway.
Last year I made my own plans. He joined up. Not for me but he was there for the kids as much as his mind space allowed.
I know this Is not jus painful but incredible that these are the men we married and chose to have families with. The wonderful fathers they once were....
It is up to us now though. We have to be strong enough because right now our kids have no one else but us.
I hope you are able to plan something fun and memorable for you and the kids. I know you will. Thinking of you xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks busting for sharing. To be honest, it just really makes me resent him and shows me he is not a man I want to even be with.
Maybe that is the point to my journey...realizing that I deserve a way better man than H is now and possibly ever was.
I wish I had that answer...what I am I suppose to get out of this journey? How does the this chapter "end"?
I just feel like this is a book that I want to stop reading.
If only I could kick H out of my life completely...I love my children...but those ties can never be severed. But I am seriously thinking about severing them. The daily sight of him is enough to keep me hindered from really progressing how I want to.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I understand. I very often feel the exact same. I wan him out completely- no visitis- no phone calls- nothing. Completely out of our lives. Sometimes I think it would actually be best for the kids so that this pain and hurt could be avoided... I mean- its one thing for me to go through.. It's not ok for them. But alas- we cannot sever that tie.
I do feel you BRNR.. The exact same feelings. We don't know the end of this story yet, that's for sure.
((((BRNR))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
S10 said OW offered my S14 alcohol several times when they were out to dinner a couple of months ago. I lost it...I cried and screamed when I got in the car. I even found out that H, went along with the coersion of my S14 taking a drink and OW also gave some to her D5. What a b1tch! And what an a$$ of my H, to even think that was okay. I asked them if it happened more times than one and if my S14 actually took the drink and if they had offered S10 too. All these were answered NO. I ended the conversation with telling both my boys that i was proud of S14 for making the decisions he did and not giving into the pressure. I told them that I didn't agree with OW's wreckless decision and that is why I didn't like her. I also told them that I didn't agree with their father's decision either. Both of my boys told me that they wish there OLD dad would return and that they did not like their NEW dad. I told them all that we could do was pray that their old dad did return one day. They asked me what I thought was wrong with him, and I told them that I didn't know, but that H wasn't making good decisions and I was only concerned about when those decisions affected them. I got the whole "well we really don't like being around Dad anymore, can we just not go over there?". I told them they need to discuss their feelings with their Dad and express everything they express to me to him. I am not sure that my kids are at the breaking point yet that they have the courage to do so.
I am so sad and mad for them. I want to protect my children, and because of the f'd up legal system I can't do anything about any of what is going on. I am trying to build up the strength in my kids. It seems they are going to have to see some ugly things.
Hey BRNR
I don't see why you cannot discuss this in court. This is illegal. That is against the law and your H and OW can get in serious trouble for giving alcohol to minors, whether it is their own child or not. It's called child endangerment and if H or OW in my sitch ever did that to my kids I would be on them like white on rice. I would at least tell your H that was unacceptable and if that happens again there will be consequences.
I am in your corner. Document that incident as well as all the times your H refuses to take the kids. You may need that info later on down the road.
(((BRNR)))
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH - I plan to give that info to the attorney, but it happened awhile ago and only once and will be considered heresay through my kids. I will not mention to H, as it happened awhile ago and it would be showing my cards some if I use this in court. If it came up again I would though. And I have documented the not taking the kids. It will not be enough for anything right now. Trust me...I have asked.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Good to know. I am looking out for you. I have been down this road and you have to stay 3 steps ahead of them at all times because you never know what they will pull once you head to court.
I know about not showing your cards. My mom keeps telling me I should throw some stuff in H's face, but I told her you need to keep your best tricks up your sleeve.
Take care of yourself. I am pulling for you! WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Thanks. I am feeling better now that I got this outta my system...
Have a nice holiday everyone!
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Sorry your H is being such a twerp. I absolutely get what you mean when you say you are confused about how you feel. I think it is because we are behind the times, a bit. Not one of us would take our partners as they are now.
Of course, they are only being that way to us - and their children.
You can't make him be a better father, but you can continue to be a great mom.
Ugh. Thanks Portia! I just had a nice little text tiff with my H.
I kindly asked my H via text for my sons pool cues because we are going to play pool this weekend. His response was..."sure can. Can I have a copy of the tax returns tonight." I responded "No". Then he said "Well then when?". My response " When can I have the money you owe me?" Well that set it off. His response was all woe is me, I have no money. I responded "I am not sure why the tax returns are your priority when the kids needs are unmet and your financial obligations haven't been taken care of for over a month". He responded more about his entitlement, and how I am withholding things like the keys to the house and the tax returns, etc, etc. Explained that he has no money because of changes at his job and his pay structure, etc, etc and how I don't care. How him getting the tax return will enable him to give me the money he owes (sounds fishy to me), and oh, he doesn't know what I mean by the kids needs being unmet.
All I could think was "Really?" The kids come with financial needs and emotional needs and clearly he doesn't see that. I didn't respond.
Snodderly, you were right. He could give two sh!ts. But I had that conversation about moneyand the kids pent up inside me that it just spilled over. Not to mention that you were right about him asking for things more and more. I am firmly planting myself in the decision to not give him the tax returns (or anything else for that matter other than a bill).
I can't go on like this...this is not the life I want.
I am releasing the anger over this exchange here rather than pursue it further with H. It does do me no good. And I get more and more tired of this crap.
How does one turn things around?
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
