This is so hard. I think I was just in shock and numb the first 2 months. I barely cried. But my son's last day of school June 6, I started crying and have cried pretty much every day. It's only 8am and I'm already in tears. I just think in terms of the 9 month lease he signed and the 6-12 months we agreed to work on this...and it seems like an eternity. Will I really hurt this much for the next year? Does anyone really figure out their midlife crisis in a year?
Hi sthelen. So sorry about your situation. I'm not an expert either but it does sound like your H is going through a MLC and possibly has some depression going on.It's tough that the counselor he is going to isn't pro-family.
I can tell you that you will start getting better. About 15 months ago I was where you are, crying,an emotional wreck,etc. I couldn't even go to work at times! Slowly I have worked by way to a point where I still feel sad and hopeless at times but for the most part I am able to deal with the situation that I have been thrust into.
It is true that focusing on yourself helps. Buy new clothes, do things with friends, GAL as they say. Take the focus off him. Do what you have to do for yourself and your children.
I do think he's depressed. I gave him the number of an excellent psychiatrist that I saw years ago for postpartum issues...but he never called. Just like he never called to make the appointment for couple's counseling that he promised. I am trying SO HARD not to bring it up again.
What I really want to do is make the appointment myself and drag him in...but that might be considered pressure.
I have a call with my DB coach on Monday. I need it!
I'm impressed you're still hanging on after 15 months!
It doesn't look like I'll have that option since he filed for a divorce so abruptly and my attorney says that will be final in 6-12 months. My husband says his attorney said we can drag it out 2 years and my husband says he's in no hurry to finalize it...but then why the hurry to file??
Made it to 3pm with no contact. He called, I answered. As always, I regret it. I always feel worse after talking to him. It was short, he sounded grumpy. Said he was just calling to check on the kids, they aren't here, he had to go. Whatever.
It's so frustrating. Some calls are "I love you, don't give up on me, we can fix this" and some calls make me sound like I'm the annoying nerd girl in his junior high science class and he's just trying to brush me off and I won't get the hint, "just calling to check on the kids, grump, bye".
I think next time he calls and they aren't around I won't answer. On the rare occasion that I don't answer he definitely notices and calls repeatedly until I do...ir gets grumpy about me not answering and says it always makes him think I'm avoiding him. This is the most messed up situation ever. I do not know how my life ended up like this.
I finished reading DR today and have started another book about MLC.
I didn't hear from H today. I sent him a text at 6:45 yesterday and he never wrote back. He hasn't seen or talked to the kids in 7 days.
It really seems like whatever he's going through has him just as confused about being a dad as being a husband. Sometimes I think it's all just too much for him.
Oh, 24 hours without initiating any contact at all! No texts, emails or phone calls. That's a first for me. I marked it on the calendar. Let's see how long I can go!
Also, I went to church today. Part of my 180/ GAL. I went every Sunday before we got married...but H isn't a morning person and would never go with me so I stopped.
They talked about "avoiding outside influences and being the best husband and father you can be". I almost had to leave because of the tears.
We chatted, mostly upbeat and happy. I did make the mistake of telling him our 5 year old is planning our next Disney trip but says we can't go until daddy comes home because we've never been without him. He didn't take that opportunity to make any comments about coming home so I feel like crap, like he's never coming home.
Of course just last Sunday he made two comments about it and I ignored them...but it feels good to hear them.
This really [censored]. I told him he's not getting anymore emails, texts or calls from me. I'm giving him the space he's obviously saying he needs by moving out and filing for a divorce. He said he appreciates that and loves me. Whatever. I hate this. I married to have a husband, not to be lonely, sad, single parenting and cast aside like a piece of garbage, not even allowed to call him. I do not deserve this.
Ugh. And he's called 3 times today. What the heck? A definite improvement.
I mean, it's good. It is. But it's so confusing and painful.
I was telling him about some of the crazy stuff his family has said (in-laws live next door and give me an earful of what I should be doing daily) and he said, "you want me to just come home and make it all go away"
WELL OF COURSE! I mean he didn't mean it...but it's nice to hear.
But in the same conversation he said it's going to be hard enough supporting two households after the divorce. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
