Our anniversary is this Friday and I'm trying to figure out if I acknowledge it at all or just let it go. I'm 99.9% sure she won't acknowledge it at all which I'm ok with. For whatever reason a part of me wants to give her a card just to acknowledge it, nothing mushy or personal, just a simple card. Weird feeling this one is for me...
W got home last night and wanted to talk about next charity race she is setting up. Showed me course map and everything... She changed the race from one she was originally planning to do so it wasn't same weekend as marathon I'm running along with one of her friends. She even mentioned that it should be enough time before marathon for people to run both events. Felt like she was probing a little to see if I would run it. Very odd to me... Seems like she isn't really grasping that post D things will be different between us. I'd love to say we'll stay friends but she hasn't been my friend since BD and now I'm kind of done being on the one way street... Only time will tell
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Last night I decided I wasn't going to do anything to acknowledge it. This is her decision to end the M and there's no point in me giving her a card or anything on a date she likely sees as meaningless.
Originally Posted By: sayitaintso
What is behind your wishing to acknowledge the anniversar
LOL, I was actually thinking about this last night. There are a couple different reasons:
•Obligation (my favorite word...) - Felt I should do something since we're technically still M'd. Rethought this though because she hasn't acted M'd in quite a while and the only reason we're still M'd is due to law process being so slow and no other reason... My 'obligation' has to be to me and my well being and giving a card with no response (even though that's fully what I expect would have happened) may not be in my best interest .
•Fantasy - I still want the happy M and the full family and anniversaries have always been a big deal in our house. I realized deep down I was hoping this might be the thing that snaps her out of it and makes her see what she's doing. I SO know better then this because in her eyes she's doing what's best for her and a card from me would just be a nuisance to her.
•Kids - Part of me wanted to show kids I was still standing for the M. I don't want any doubt in their heads of where their dad stood or that maybe I had given up. More I thought about this I highly doubt those thoughts have entered their heads. Like I've said before we're closer than we've ever been and we speak as openly as a parent/ child should in this situation and they see my (and my W's) actions every day.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Last night I decided I wasn't going to do anything to acknowledge it. This is her decision to end the M and there's no point in me giving her a card or anything on a date she likely sees as meaningless.
Let me just warn you, I thought the exact same thing at Christmas. Then I found out in the 11th hour that W had bought me presents and it left me scrambling to get something for her at the last minute, LOL! If your W DOES do something for you, then just ask yourself if you're OK with not doing anything for her in return, which if you're not that is perfectly fine. But if it would make you feel bad, then you might at least prepare something just in case she initiates.
I honestly don't understand why my W continues to buy stuff for me, she gave me gifts and took me out to dinner on my bday a couple of weeks ago and then got me more gifts and dinner again on father's day. This after she told me a month ago or so that she was ready to file for D. So I'm just going with the flow, I have ZERO expectations that it means anything, I just enjoy it for what it is. My W is still a wonderful, thoughtful and kind person and I see this as the reason she's still honoring my special days, not because she's ready to reconcile.
