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So far, so good. I've been keeping PMA and let go of all expectations. Finally got my copy of DR and am currently reasing as much as possible. I have a lot of hope for my sitch.

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Update on the "date" at the ballgame.

Everything went well. I kept a PMA and acted as if. A few innings into the game she initiated some physical contact, so I went with it. Holding hands, rubbing legs, laying her head on my shoulder, etc. We got along great. Went for ice cream after the game. She drove me around and showed me where she worked at her new job. I acted very positive and interested about it all. Told her that I was proud of her for getting the job. In reality, I am not very enthused about the whole job situation. I feel as though her finding a full time job in St. louis is another obstacle standong in the way of her coming back home. I know if it came up, it would be a reason she can't come home. "I just started this good, full time job. I can't just quit." Ummm.... Yes you can. It's just a job. They have those everywhere. You only have one family. End rant. Anyway, I was very supportive of the whole job thing and acted very interested. I could tell that she liked this. We got back to her uncle's place and just sat in the car and talked for quite awhile beore I left. On my way home, she called to tell me that she had a really good time and that she missed hanging out like that. I agreed.

The next night, she came home to see the kids and go to D4's tee ball game the next morning. We all had dinner together and enjoyed our time together as a family. She was very affectionate. Wanting to give me hugs and kisses throughout the evening. She has been giving kisses whenever we see each other, but the kisses that night were different. It may sound weird, but I could tell that there was more love behind them. That she was enjoying it, rather than just going through the motions. This made me very happy! (but i didn't let her know ;))

Later after the kids had gone to bed we sat on the couch and chit chatted while she painted her nails and we watched TV. She said, "Aren't you glad I came home tonight instead of staying in St. louis to play volleyball?" (She has been playing volleyball on Friday evening with friends) I just replied by saying, "Yes, it really means a lot to me that you came home to spend time with me and the kids." i left it at that.

Later when we went to bed, she crawled into my arms, facing me with her head on my shoulder. She usually lays with her back towards me, and lets me spoon her. I saw this as a positive sign. She layed there and ran her hand across my chest and said she missed laying in my arms. That it made her feel safe and she loved it. I said i enjoyed it too. We talked for awhile and we eventually fell asleep in that position.

Overall, I saw many positive signs over those past 2 days. And I am containing my enthusiasm and trying not to read too much into any of it. I've noticed in the past, that there is a hot/cold pattern. She will come in close for awhile and then almost completely withdraw or a couple of days. That is tough to deal with, but I know that it is normal, and I'm focusing on not having any expectations, but damn, is that hard! I get a little peek at the prize and I want to aggressively go for it, but I know that is not what I need to do. So I just chill, till the next episode.

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Wow, awesome! I'm so happy that you can feel the change in her. It's not strange to say you can "feel" the difference. We know these people deeply & intimately, I understand exactly what you mean...I've felt that "shift" in my own H.

You seem like you are doing fabulous at DBing, that it's working for you. That's so encouraging .
You are expecting a cold pattern after this closeness, that [censored], but you aren't freaking out about it. Perfect. Also her giving an inch & you not take a mile? Thats self control there, exactly what she probably needs you to do. Accept what she can give, but not ask for more. Not easy...but you did it!
Keep up the great work!

Sounds like you are doing great, well done. I am also moving into the dating part after my WAW has said she wants to try again, we are going on our first "date" on saturday night, it seems weird dating when we have been together for 14yrs. I kind of want to just say lets forget the past and get back to normal but dont think thats the right way. I have high hopes for Saturday night but have to keep reminding myself not to expect too much and dont push things to fast!! Its funny i have initiated this night out and i am not totally convinced she is 110% committed to it like you would expect when your trying to get things back on an even keel, i struggle with the fact that i want to put every morsel of my being into making this work for us and the kids and dont quite feel the same from her side, i guess i just have to be patient although that is so difficult.

I hope you continue to make great progress

G