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I agree with ALF.

This is something you and I have both struggled with recently. This is your chance to show him you are willing to move on without him, even if its a slight façade. This is another chance at the mystery on his part, but your doing it for yourself.

We never know if and when our spouses will "snap out of it", but I read a quote on here yesterday somewhere. One of the things a spouse needs to have is that feeling of losing something real and tangible. What better way of doing that than showing him your ready to do that, and its much harder to do that from a distance. Stay strong, stay positive, and try to let go of the feelings that you need to get away from him, just get away.

Thanks Thumpered and Alf..

I am going to think long and hard about this one. I do not want to make any quick decision. Right now I feel horrible being around my H. I think I will just detach physically more from him, and, definitely, detach more emotionally as well. I think I am still letting what he says and does bother me. I need to detach from all of those feelings and emotions, because it is making me hurt so much.

The other day when he got home from work I told him I was going shopping. He ended up getting mad at me when I returned, because he had told me earlier that he wanted to work on the basement. I kept calm, and did not even bring it up that all he has done lately is work on the basement. Instead, I told him that I needed space, and that I'm sure he understood that. He then told me that, yes, he understood. Up until then I don't think he realized that this was affecting me as well.

Grats H61, that's a HUGE PMA for you!!! and a great part of the process to let him realize that your moving on for yourself.

Thanks! I feel I have been responding better to all of this drama he is creating. I have been more mellow in my responses, not letting myself get drawn into things. I am letting him have more freedom by not asking about his whereabouts, when he is coming home, etc. And also I am making sure to keep busy by getting out of the house more alone, and with the kids. I feel a lot better now that I am trying not to take how he is acting personally!

Lately, it seems, I just don't want to be around him that much. If he wants to sulk, and be distant, I figure that is his own problem to deal with, and I don't want it to drag me down. Somehow, when he is feeling that way, I end up feeling guilty about it, I am not sure why it affects me that way??

We had a great day yesterday as well as today. His mood seems to have improved, we even joked around a little bit. I am still wondering if I should give him the space he needs, by telling him I wish he would go stay at his brothers. I am going to do a lot of thinking about that.

I so understand how you are feeling. I know she wont leave, and I have nowhere to go or might have jumped ship myself already. Its a tough call, but the more I think about it the more I think you should stay.

A couple of factors. You are doing your GAL, and he sees that. So it adds to that mystery. Also what better time to work on yourself then when your faced with that adversity. You might relapse wondering what he's doing with him away. So learn to deal with it now as your getting good at it now.

I think once your past your guilty feelings, your well on your way to healing and full detachment.

I am thinking I will give my H a date of July 31st, by which he must let me know either way where things are heading, ie/ are we working toward something or has he decided to separate. Good idea/bad idea??

Is that a bad idea? Im thinking i feel like i can live with that solution. I actually feel i can handle either decision. If it is meant to be it will be.

I think it would be a mistake, it's the ez way out. You know this isn't gonna be fun, easy, or short term.

Your sure it's gonna be rough, tough, and long.

Don't deprive yourself later that you didn't do EVERYTHING you could to save your marriage. That regret might hurt more than just a marriage ending.

Look at how much stronger you are already, you've got some work left to do thou. Your almost over that hump, hang in a little bit longer and your well on your way. Stay strong. Don't take anything personal. You've got a new Teflon outfit on, and nothing sticks.

haha! I like that last part
Thanks Thumpered, you have helped me get through so much already!
I had a feeling that would be the answer! lol. Hopefully I can find enough strength to keep at it, without backsliding. So far, overall things seem to be getting better. Still, all of this feels so strange, interacting with a person that is now a stranger to me.

Journalling...

Yesterday was a great day for us. H got back from camping with the kids, seemed like they had a great time. I showed interest, but pulled back a bit, where I normally would have asked tonnes of questions, like who was all there, etc. Then he asked me what I got up to, and I told him, "oh.. just some stuff around the house and then I went out..." and he asked me a few more questions. He is starting to get a bit curious. For the most part, around the house, I focused on playing with the kids, staying happy, and somewhat distancing myself from H. He seemed to be less grumpy and distant.

Then, in the evening after the kids were in bed, I went out to the back deck with a drink, and to do some reading. (and felt I needed time to myself, away from H). Then, he totally surprised me when he got himself a drink and came out to join me on the back deck. I was floored.. he has not followed me anywhere, or seemed interested in hanging out with me for a long time. So, I'm thinking that is a good thing, but not trying to read too much into it.