Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Me 8 months on, dark and trying to detach.

Firstly thanks everyone for the replies. I have very limited Internet for the next week and a half, maccas wifi only.
The wife told me she didn't feel loved while we were talking on the phone.
Adinva, no I don't think she is wrong, I was wrong in not showing her the love in a way she needed.
BrightFuture I did ask what I could do and got told by text nothing, she doesn't love me anymore and nothing can be done to change that.
GalBaby, I tried to validate a lot during the call, but don't know how great I was.
Lovethehub, at the time I apologised, but I would have given the justification of "I didn't show it the way you needed to see" as per my above message.
Show I send another text as per your apology you wrote?
Outside of all this, somehow I have reached a kind of acceptance now. Knowing she cannot come back home for another year longer, knowing she didn't come back home to her sons and knowing she put her friend above all these things has made it quite final. On top of that I found out she did have a letter from the solicitor sent a few weeks ago with regards to the settlement of finances. She advised she will resend it.
Right or wrong, most likely wrong, I did advise I would be quite happy and comfortable to stay another year, but we would need to be seeing a mc.
Ok hit me with the 2 x 4s. I won't be doing anything else until I hear from you all.

www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads...116#Post2360116

I would like you to read this post. It makes sense to me and even though you are not sure if your W is in a EA or PA, the basic message is still the same.

What did your W say when you brought up the MC? Are you staying in the country or going back to your home in the city now that you know what your W is doing?

GalBaby, many thanks for your continued support. I did read HopefulStill's write up. How will I take it all in, I don't really know at this stage.
Generally the W wants nothing to do with me, either via face to face or phone. She simply wants to move on (in her words), have the solicitor deal with the property and more than likely the divorce papers asap. She stated she did not want me to stay in the country town (Emerald) for any attempt at reconciliation or even MC. She advised she did not want to put any effort into the M, it is over, she no longer loves me......blah .....blah.
At this stage of my life, I will be moving back to the city (Brisbane) at the end of this school year. Subject to the transfer coming through, which will be the 19th September. I am now expecting the solicitor letter that was supposedly sent a few weeks ago, that I never saw. I will be attempting to purchase the houses off her, subject to the finance and lower valuations than was expected.
I am upset that she has decided to not come back for the boys, but, that is not my fault and cannot be my issue. I need to deal with those type of issues that are out of my control.
I have decided to simply continue going dark. I have taken my wedding ring off and now wear it on a leather strap around the neck. I still believe in my vows but can no longer wear the ring on the finger.
All I can look forward to is the last 5 months in the country, purchasing the houses (that will be a big relief) and continue my relationship with the boys. While on holidays back in the city it makes it really hard, the boys are working and don't really want to do much, but an occassional movie and dinner will have to suffice.
The W did drive down, but dropped the EA friend off about 2 hours before the arrival, at the EA's parents house. So the W is still relying on the friend for all the visits still.
Anyway enough from me, my 30 mins limit is running out. Will be back this time next week at country home, where I have the internet to use. Take care.

In addition, I simply feel the W doesn't want to do anything. I still feel she wants me to organise the purchasing of the houses off her. I think she simply wants me out of her sight and gone. That way it is easier for her to move on. She knows we won't see each other at any other time, unless it is for the boys.
I simply am accepting she has found something more important in her life, whether it is staying in the country, the EA friend or simply being single.
I am finding it tough to fight anymore, there is nothing I feel I can do, apart from sitting it out.

I feel ya. The best thing you can do is GAL. Let ur W figure it out. Trust me I'm no expert except doing everything wrong good luck and just make yourself happy.

I have no experience with this personally, except that many peeps here suggest that if the W wants the D and the division of assets, then she should be the one to organise it. At times, it is the only way they realise the enormity of what they are doing and sometimes its enough to reverse the process.

A poster who I follow religiously (I call her my good friend..even though we've never met!) Reaching Higher, was about to sign the D papers, it was the 11th hour and her H changed his mind. He is moving back home and they are working on their M. It does happen.

I think you should sit quietly now, look after yourself and your boys and let it play out. It is a shame that the S believe they will never love us again. We know better here. Its a shame they don't have the benefit of the insight we have.

Thanks again Jeack (and welcome) and GalBaby. Again I believe the friend (EA?) plays the big part in all of this. When combined with no or literally no contact for nearly the last 8 months, quick attempt at getting rid of assets and the quick move into the friends house. Combined with not wanting to transfer back to the city. I cannot only continue to believe that the friend is more important that anything else in life at the moment.
Therefore you are right, I will continue to sit quietly, look after myself and let it play out.
Yes it is a shame the S doesn't believe in loving again. I believe I have made some good changes to myself (at least what I can see) but most importantly I understand where I went wrong and how to improve if given a chance.
I feel, as I have said many times, the W simply wants me out of the picture, that is why no seeing each other and getting rid of the assets that have her name on it.

That's exactly what WAS want or they wouldn't call them walk always. Some who is piecing just commented on my thread that his W couldn't stand the thought of him for the first 3 months of S. now there working on things because she saw change. All u can do is try to GAL, trust me I struggle with this daily.

HWA, Just dropping a line to say I'm sorry things are not looking up at the moment in your sitch & that you are struggling so hard at 8 months in. I have no useful advice, unfortunately.

Our timelines & length of marriage are similar. I too am suddenly struggling, again, at 8-ish months in. Not that I really ever had peace, but I've had a harder time of late (possibly because of a family member being seriously ill).

Anyway, looks like you are getting a lot of great super advice from experienced folks (I'm trying to absorb/apply to my sitch what they are advising you), so I just wanted to say hang in there!! You have more supporters than you know!
I sincerely hope things work out, and you are happy again "soon".

Well the latest update. Firstly I am back in the country town, hard to call it my home, but that is where I am till the end of the year.
The papers from the solicitors have now arrived with exaggerated values on everything.
The family have advised me she is in a PA with the female friend.
So I am now focusing on being the best father for my boys and working out costs to take over the homes.