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Bump. Advice please.

I'm conflicted. This invitation seems like a step in the right direction. My concerns:

1) I don't want to be treated like a nanny or get stuck in the friendly co-parent zone.
2) Will absence make the heart grow fonder?
3) He hasn't seen much of me to see my 180s. This may be a good opportunity.
4) Is he cake-eating having the OW and me?
5) Who cares about all of the above, its a vacation for our kids.

It seems your H has had more than 2 EAs and now a PA. Am I understanding that correctly?

Your H doesn't do this ^ because of you. This is his problem.

When you picture the trip to Disney, what does it look like for you? Will all the child care be done by you? Your kids are tiny, Disney won't make much of an impression on them.

You have worth. Has your H talked at all about giving up his PA? Do you want to share your H? I'm not saying do anything drastic but rather think about what a good marriage looks like to you. People who are serial cheaters, don't easily change their behavior. Is he making any steps to do that?

Maybe you need to become the WAW in your mind.

Have you read Tallula's threads?

Hi Labug. Thanks for chiming in. I see a lot of the childcare being shared jointly. H and I spoke briefly this morning and we both agreed that Disney may be a bit much for our young ones, we will look into Maui or a cruise instead.

There has been little discussion about his PA since he first admitted it. A few weeks ago H was in town for a show (he is a performance painter). He invited me to it but also shared that OW would be there. One of the paintings he dedicated to love and painted a picture of a couple kissing, and he performed it to our wedding song. The following day he called to thank me for coming, said it meant a lot and commented on our song.

What do you mean by becoming the WAW in my mind? What does this look like? I think I may have been this for 1.5 years prior to my H leaving but quickly saw my share of issues that contributed to our problems. Now I'm the one standing.

I'll look into Tallula's threads.

I read somewhere on here that if here is a an OP, it's best to go dark. Can someone please explain the reasoning for this? I have been doing so, and find that it simply ticks off my H.

My sitch was slow moving being that my H and I lived in different states. Our communication was limited to emails about work and a few text messages a week about the kids. I've been GAL and detaching.

My H is in town now and has observed me GAL. Last night, he invited himself over to have some drinks. We caught up, laughed and talked about our upcoming trip. Towards the end of our time, he made some comments about how he feels like he is getting to know a whole new person. He said he observed that I've been going out a lot and the kids are often being watched by someone. He said that he doesn't remember me being so out-going and adventurous (180). I simply responded and told him that he doesn't remember me being fun. I realize now that I should have simply validated him and thanked him for the compliment.

Today he texted with the following:
Can I ask you a simple honest question? I noticed you don't have your ring on. Have you moved on? I ask you over text because I have a feeling I can't have these kind of conversations with you in person. You either are not comfortable enough, or you just want me to know you are all good. Either way all I want to give you or anyone else is honesty. I've always been honest with you whether I was comfortable or happy or not with my decision.

I don't know how to respond. Advice please.

I am considering this as a response:
I'm sorry I've made you feel that way. I can have honest conversations with you. I haven't moved on and I am not happy with my situation but I have a new found respect for myself and because of that, I am happy and slowly moving forward. That's all I can say for now.

Whaaaaaat.

I would say-- that you care for him and love him, but are getting to know who you are without him.



Unless he's not wearing his ring... In which case I would ignore i because you shouldn't feed the drama llama.

Don't respond.

MrBond, that was my initial feeling...no response. How should I respond if he brings this up in person?

Just tell him that you haven't given it much thought and that you're moving forward. Then walk off. You don't owe him any explanations. Keeping it short and sweet will speak volumes.