Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Let my love open the door...

Hello my DB posse!

I can honestly say you are all a big reason I was able to face today, and handle it with a quiet confidence. I don't think I could do this alone.

So, thank you. You guys are the best

Am going to try to work backwards here to respond to everyone -

Gal ~ hello my Aussie friend. Thank you for stopping by to show your support. I know you always got my back

Nero ~ you asked why in the world you ever trusted your H - maybe because that's what a H and W should do! I never in a million years would have ever thought my good friend would be with my H. I would have never have thought he would have been interested in her either.

That's because my real H wouldn't give her the time of day - he was able to see her for exactly who she was.

You know it's funny, but OW was always so critical of others who were rumored to be having A over the years. She was certainly one to name call and judge. Now she's on the receiving end of that, and she doesn't like it.

Too f-ing bad. I think that's just the beginning of karma coming to bite her in her fat a$$.

Try not to think about them or worry about them. It's hard, I know. I struggle with it everyday.

Hi my angel ~ thank you for your kind words. I'm not gonna lie, today was still hard. I still felt that tightness in my chest when I saw her, still felt sadness when I saw them sitting together.

But it was better. And I made it through actually feeling pretty good.

I know it matters UW, and not because of H or OW... But because of me. No matter what, I will always have to answer to myself. And I plan on having a totally open and honest R with myself. At least that's my goal.

I am honored - and quite lucky - to know you

Snodderly ~ thank you - I can only imagine that throughout the years the antics of our pod people never cease to amaze you.

I have no doubt the sitting together was orchestrated to get to me - just not sure by who. Do you think H would want me to kick him out? Or her?

I personally think he has it too good here to want to leave.

WH ~ I have to admit, I did think of you when I picked this thread title

Raine had commented too about how strange it is that they are so open. But... Considering I believe both of them are in crisis, their reality sure as hell isn't the same as ours.

When H and I got into an argument last September over them sitting together, he gave me the old speech (or should I say script) about how he can be friends with whoever he wants blah blah blah.

Of course they don't care what people say, because everyone else is wrong! Couldn't possibly be them lol!!!

Miz J ~ I appreciate that you always just call it as you see it...

"They are looking at OW, and thinking she's a slut."

I literally laughed out loud when I read that!

And for the record, we both know that H has lost his mind. I just hope that one day he can get it back.

My dear rH ~ thank you for your never ending support. It means the world to me.

Thank you for the story about your sister - she sounds like a TVS kinda person!

I think I expected bad times to happen, but not anything like this. I guess at the end of the day, we are still married. He still lives here. He is still a father to our children.

I hope this will help sustain me through the bad times

This post is already super long - will update how the day ended in a separate post

Okay...

So I didn't even see OW at our afternoon meeting, but of course I wasn't looking too hard either!

H sat with another make coworker. He and I did not speak once the entire day.

When H came home, he was not in the best of moods. Seemed distracted. Immediately went on treadmill.

I switched my yoga night from Friday to today because he asked if he could go golfing since it was cancelled Monday due to bad weather.

He was strange at dinner - sat with us - but kept his headphones on. He texted (and looked quite serious!) while on the treadmill.

Also at dinner, he asked me how my day at work was. I think he wanted to see if I would say anything about OW.

Instead, I said I had a good day and that I thought my meetings were very productive

Seemed more normal when I came home from yoga, but did two strange things :

1. As I'm getting S3 ready for bed, H asks me what I did for lunch. I told him who I went with (our mutual friend) and where we went. I asked him how his lunch was (it felt like the natural thing to do), and he said he went out with a male coworker, and told me what he ordered.

The whole exchange seemed like he was fishing for something from me, but what???

2. Out of the blue, he does a load of laundry. This is always a red flag something is up! It was a small load too, only a handful of clothes.

Maybe there is something specific he wants to wear for "golfing" tomorrow.

I will be sitting quietly and letting the answers come to me

Glad today is over. I feel exhausted. Stress and worry definitely zap your energy.

Good night

I'm just rereading your posts from last night.

Perhaps OW is the one fishing?

I'm wondering/guessing/mind reading here. Not s'posed to do that, I know, but....

OW looked frumpy. Tvs looked hot.

OW is unhappy/grumpy. Tvs gets an award in front of a lot of people.

OW is obviously not putting her heart & soul into her family like tvs does.

OW probably doesn't have an exercise routine. Tvs does yoga.

OW doesn't have anything to be proud of. No reason to hold her head high. She is doing something she KNOWS is wrong. She used to badmouth others doing it. And she feels Tvs's H pulling away. All she has to cling to is this crumbling fantasy of a R.

I think...well...OW was badmouthing you, tvs, and H was seeing if it was true. If you'd take the bait. If he could catch you in doing something wrong to see if OW is right.

My H has grilled me similarly after MIL's accusations.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tvs, you just keep taking the high road.

One day, your H will start to heal and recognize the treasure that has been there all along. And if he doesn't ... then you don't want him anyway.

Hope your day is going well
rH

TVS - I have to say that you are one amazing woman! Those types of meetings are tough enough to get something out of as it is, I can't imagine being in your shoes and having to stomach your H and OW at it, IN THE SAME MEETING! Color me impressed at how you can keep your cool. Awesome job at the meeting and as RH said, not taking the bait. I feel like I have a hook in my check 1/2 the time, and my situation is no where near as tough as yours, you are doing unbelievably well!

CB

Woo hooo girlfriend! You outshine that Twinkle EVERY time! I'm sure she was seething at your beauty, grace, NY&Co dress, fabulous hair, as well as the fact that YOU got an award and she didn't! Keep looking forward!

Congratulations!

TVS, didn't you get the memo?

LBS are NOT supposed to be together, looking hot and getting awards! No wonder why OW and H are confused, paranoid and such...you aren't following their expectations and the television drama rules!!

Sheesh!

Just having some fun...LOL. I know W is/was confused that I am pretty happy and functioning through this journey...she has said she can't understand how I do it.

You're awesome!!!
Have a great weekend!

T^2

I decided to shape up and become more TVS-like. You're my hero!

Thank you rH, Linda, CB and T for your posts!!!

rH, I think you may be onto something...

Let's see... We know things aren't exactly blissful in affair land, we know she's getting desperate.

What we don't know is exactly how desperate and what she's willing to do to hang onto H.

You mentioned how she has nothing to be proud of - which is true. But I wonder if in her mind, she is "proud" that she "has" my H - my good looking, smart, funny, charming, married to awesome TVS H.

In her warped mind, a feather in her cap so to speak. I think underneath it all, she knows he's waaaaay out of her league.

And I would imagine that is a problem.

Since we got into an argument over her during our last company meeting back in September, perhaps she was predicting this would happen again.

Or at least hoping it would anyway

Sorry bi-otch, not gonna happen this time!

And T, I think you're absolutely right... They think they know how we're going to act or feel, and when that doesn't happen...

Maybe it's like, just even for a moment, someone takes a ginormous megaphone and yells into their little fantasy world "things aren't going the way you had planned!"

Or is it "Follow the yellow brick road"? Lol!

H went golfing (supposedly) after work, haven't seen or heard from him since he left for work this morning.

But to be honest, I've been too busy enjoying our boys on this beautiful Friday to even care

And this just in from the world of children...

S5 announces this evening that he wants to marry me. I tell him I'm already married to daddy. Of course S3 says he wants to marry me too.

Hey, at least someone in this world wants to be married to me

Happy Father's Day to all the DB- loving daddies out there!

It was a good day, some interesting stuff, but tuckered out from the long day. Will post an update tomorrow.

Also, I was reading back through my thread, and saw posts I missed from cadet, Miss A, FY and Raine. Sorry guys! Thanks for all the great comments and support!

Cadet, I enjoyed your biblical reference about looking back and turning to stone. But, I was thinking more along the lines of mythology - if I looked back and saw Medusa's face, THAT would turn me to stone lol!

Have a good evening everyone

Well, looks like my liar is at it again!

He supposedly took today off to go out to breakfast and golf. He made a comment last night that he was going to be up early tomorrow to shower and get ready. I said "okay" and wondered - why are you telling me this???

So he comes upstairs at 4:40 to shower this morning. What??? Out of the house by 5:10. Kept apologizing for waking me up and thanking me for taking boys to sitter. Whatever.

Once again, the story he gave me about today doesn't make any sense. I think he's spending the day with her.

Am I wrong to be disgusted?

I wish he could see himself. I am embarrassed for him.