Thank you I'm at the beach right now with our boys H wanted to go work out at the gym this morning he had found a gym that he goes to back home here on vacation. So I'm sitting here thinking about what I'm going to do. I know I have to detach from this situation but its so hard to do trying to be happy all the time. When I'm hurting really bad inside and I know I'm not alone in this I just need to get my mind off of this whole thing.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Kelela I am sorry your vacation isn't going better. Its not great that you slipped and confronted your H, but don't dwell on it. You are human, and as such, you make mistakes. I think forgiving yourself could maybe be a 180 for you.
One thing, notice how maji approached her H. She was calm - this is really important. If you feel you must say something always stay calm. No accusations, no ultimatums. Your script would be something like "I feel hurt when you spend so much time texting." Period. He'll either take that under advisement and change his behavior, at least a little, or he won't. Remember you can only control yourself - and sometimes not even that Give yourself a break Kelela. This stuff is very very hard.
Over on the MLC board there is a poster named Takesvowsserious. I have includeded links to her first and her most recent threads. She has an amazing story. Most recently she attended a work function - and her H and the OW all work together. Her H sat with the OW! But read how TVS handled herself! I find it so inspiring!
Again, have you read DR yet? You really need to do that in order to get your efforts off to a good start. We can help more if you have those fundamentals down.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Had an up and down vacation its been two days back from it. I once again had a step back and asked H if there was any chance to work things out and he told me that there is but he doesn't want to talk about it untill Friday he wants to talk to OW first and meet up with one of his friends for advice . I told him that i will wait till then to hear what he has to say on Friday. He had mentioned that he doesn't want to be with OW but at one time he did. He said that he has a commitment to our sons and he is unhappy about our situation and he doesn't know how to fix it so he wants to talk and get an advice from his close friend. And also he wants to have a talk with OW. To be honest I'm still really scared to hear what he has to say and still trying to stay in other rooms due to him texting back in forth from the time he gets up till he goes to bed. Which he is still sleeping downstairs. I know that he needs is space still. I hope things turn out OK on Friday I'm not ready to give up on us. My game plan for Friday is just to listen to what he has to say then try to see how to work through it from there.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I know im kinda new to the website, but my situation has been going on for a while.
Its sounds like you haven't detached enough from the situation. If your talking about the M, your saying to much imho. I know for me, and it took a while, but the GAL was a huge deal for me. Maybe this is bad advice, but if you want to save your marriage, then you need to risk losing it. Your chasing still, and at least in my case, that seemed to make it worse.
It wasn't until she noticed I could have a life without her, that she started to come back and wonder.
I hope my advice isn't too off base, and look forward to some of the more vet follow up posts.
Yes you are correct I haven't detached and After reading your post I know I'm still chasing after H. I just don't know how to move on. I just need to know right now if there is any chance or not.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
BUT, if you are trying to come at it from that angle, your letting yourself down. The things you can control right now are about you and you only.
Things I did to start, was just visiting the local library, grab a book and sit down and read. Self help, hobby, cooking, and/or maybe just a plain novel. It didn't cost any money, and it got me out of the house. Sometimes just a walk around the block helped me vent a bit, if your really frustrated or having a bad day, use it like a race walk and burn some frustrations off. It will get easier, but you have to start somewhere.
Don't get frustrated that its not happening right now, allow yourself some time to ease into it. And pat yourself on the back for the days your doing something. Reward yourself. Baby steps for now. Everyday/time you think about him, turn into a way that your not let him gonna rule your life, today is for me type attitude.
Remember progression, not punishment. Its a slow process, but is slower and more painful if you don't take care of yourself first.
Good luck, you CAN do it!! (keep telling yourself)
Give yourself a break Kelela. This stuff is very very hard.