Absolutely understandable and valid feelings. Don't try to stop crying. Let it out. It cleanses us. Val reminded me once that our hurt and pain manifest as anger, just like a child. That's why you want to give him everything you've got right now. To hurt him. But how would that truly benefit you? Would you regret lashing out at H or OW tomorrow?
Don't contact them. Keep your power. Don't give it away. "Text" me here. Tell me everything you want to say to him or the OW.
Then step outside of yourself. If you were watching a friend go through this today, what would you say to them? What would you want say to 'yourself' about these feelings?
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I will. I'm not going to contact her. I know there is no good in that.
Right now the hardest thing is not texting him. I don't want to start anything, so I'm not going to text because at this point I know it probably wouldn't be anything nice.
I did by H a card last week. Here's my question...do I give it to him tomorrow when he gets home? Leave it on his night stand? Throw it away? It's nothing mushy. Pretty generic.
Also I'm feeling like I don't know how to act when he gets home??? Do I talk to him? I'm certain he will be very cold & distant. I know it will be extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to do.
Sorry, my mind is racing & this post has turned out to be a mess & all over the place. I'm so confused & hurt right now.
When H left on Monday morning he gave me a huge hug, embraced me. It felt nice. He told me he cares Tuesday morning in a text & then Tuesday night I find out he's not coming home until Saturday. Oh, and technically he told D7-not me.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
My company only works half days on Friday's. So, I'm going to mow the lawn when I get off. May take the girls swimming this evening.
To be honest, right now I'm just trying to stop crying. I've been crying for a good 3 hours now off & on. It comes in waves. Also doing all I can to not contact H. I just want to go off on him & let him know how big of a pos he is. He can't even call his daughters at night. There is so much I want to say to him. A part of me wants him to come home tomorrow & tell me he's leaving. I want him to pack his bags & just go away. I'm also fighting sending that letter to OW right now. I would love to text her.
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had my 8 year anniversary during this. CRY!! Don't stuff it, it only makes it worse.
Oh boy, do I know fighting the urge to contact OW. But, it won't make you feel better or change anything for the better. Just keep repeating that. Over and over. Because, really...it won't. Feel all your feelings. Maybe get a sitter and go get a mani/pedi. Treat yourself!
We are here for you, we are! You will get through this. But feel it, even though it hurts so bad. If you do, the next time hurts less.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I've got to shake the hurt. I think what's hurting the most is the fact that we haven't communicated since Tuesday. That's not like him. It [censored].
When I asked him about not telling me when he was coming home after D7 told me he went cold. Nothing. I tried to touch base a few times on Wednesday & nothing. It hurts & is very confusing.
I think I want him to leave.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I've got to shake the hurt. I think what's hurting the most is the fact that we haven't communicated since Tuesday. That's not like him. It [censored].
When I asked him about not telling me when he was coming home after D7 told me he went cold. Nothing. I tried to touch base a few times on Wednesday & nothing. It hurts & is very confusing.
I think I want him to leave.
Ok, first off. Breath! Cry! post here. But don't DO anything yet.
As far as the card, don't give it to him unless he gets you one. I did nothing. My H texted me Happy Anniversary as soon as he woke up that day, I texted back "You too".
They run hot, they run cold. It s u c k s, but its the nature of the beast. Focus on you. Take care of you today. Maybe he does need to leave, maybe he doesn't. But you shouldn't decide anything when you are so emotional. Feel it. Don't take action until you are waaaaay less emotional. Then you will know it's your truth.
I hurts when they don't call. Let him be the one to contact you. Try not to worry about how to act when he comes home yet. He isn't home. Just feel the sadness
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Ok... ^^^ That's the plan. No card. No contact. No nothin'.
I'll cry & let it out throughout the day when I feel it coming on. Try not to think about tomorrow. (this is going to be the hardest) I'll come here to post when I want to contact him, so get ready!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I posted a totally crazy mean facebook status I wanted to tag H and OW in on here. It felt amazing! Did the trick. hahaha. My favorite revenge fantasy facebook status was the following:
H (tagged)needs a place to stay. I hear he frequents your vagina, (tagged) OW, Can he stay there?
Even now, makes me laugh my butt off!! Ah. Never posted it here, but definately would think it, and laugh and laugh.
It will get better. I never thought it would, but it does. And I was better before my H even pulled his head out of his butt and truely apologised. YOU can make YOU better. You are just that awesome!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I will. I'm not going to contact her. I know there is no good in that. Good. I know you’ve got this.
Right now the hardest thing is not texting him. I don't want to start anything, so I'm not going to text because at this point I know it probably wouldn't be anything nice. You want him to acknowledge your anniversary… Expectation. He probably won’t. You are not a mirror he is strong enough to look into today. It’s not a reflection of himself he wants to see.
I did by H a card last week. Here's my question...do I give it to him tomorrow when he gets home? Leave it on his night stand? Throw it away? It's nothing mushy. Pretty generic. Why do you want to give it to him? Do you have an expectation of a reciprocal card? Fill it out, seal it, put it in your nightstand. You can always give it to him later if you choose.
Also I'm feeling like I don't know how to act when he gets home??? Do I talk to him? I'm certain he will be very cold & distant. I know it will be extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. You talk to him. Not about R or anniversary or M. You act “As If”. You reread Sandi’s Rules 50 times before he comes home. He probably WILL be cold and distant. You can handle it. He’s done it before. If he initiates acknowledgement of today’s date, is nice to you, or pleasant. You respond in kind. Hold no expectations. Protect yourself.
Sorry, my mind is racing & this post has turned out to be a mess & all over the place. I'm so confused & hurt right now. Hurt. That’s the key. You know all of this is coming from pain. You allowed yourself an expectation of what he would do today and he has not met it (so far). Regroup your focus and eliminate expectations.
When H left on Monday morning he gave me a huge hug, embraced me. It felt nice. He told me he cares Tuesday morning in a text & then Tuesday night I find out he's not coming home until Saturday. Oh, and technically he told D7-not me.
It’s not going to be an easy day sweetie. But look how far you’ve come and remember everything you’ve learned and worked for thus far. You can do it. Read the Rules again. They will refocus you and give you a boost of strength.
I’m here for you ALL DAY!!!! :):):):) Cuss, scream, throw rocks at me! Lol!!!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I originally bought the card last week when we were in a better spot. Good idea, I think I'll put it in my night stand for a while.
I'm not so sure the anniversary thing is what is upsetting me so much? I think it's the icing on the cake. I always have these horrible days when H is gone.
I really want to yell at him. Confront him. Tell him to choose, right here & right now.
What's happened to me? I used to be so much stronger. Ready to stand for my M & not let this stuff get in my head as bad as it is today. I was a pro at acting "as if". Am I giving up? Have I hit that wall?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
