My oldest son thinks he's "AWESOME". They go to the gym together when he's here; my son gets more positive encouragement from the new guy than he ever got from his critical dad.
And if he is in recovery, then he'll be the same about his present.
Yes, he's totally transparent there too.
He calls or texts throughout the day, comes down to my town most weekends to see me, I pretty much know what he's doing with his time. He's NOT an avoidant guy, quite the opposite, which is refreshing.
And I don't pick up any signals of him white-knuckling it or anything like that - he really seems like he's finally figured it out, and dealt with a lot of the issues that led to his problem.
I think it's all ok when you're dating. Sometimes it just takes awhile to not only figure out what you want, but to let things happen naturally and both parties see each other as they really are.
After all, isn't that what dating is all about? I try not to take anything at this stage too seriously. There is plenty of time for that, if you want to go down that path.
I'd say enjoy the moment and have fun.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
i agree with oldtimer ellie. he sounds like he is actively working his program and living the life that comes with active sobriety. i do not see a red flag there at all. if i was a woman, i would appreciate the lengths he is going to better himself. and appreciate his transparency and honesty. 3 yrs is quite an accomplishment. i am a little biased however..lol
betsey-
what would you like to know? i met her off of pof. the punk rock girl i talked about. we talked a bit. nothin serious. i got sick of the wierdos and deleted all my profiles. she was really curious as to why. told her the truth. that i am interested in dating. sick of the wierdos. she could relate. so then we decided to go out for dinner. came back to my house and had fun. the next day she asked me to be her boyfriend. after laughing for a bit (on the inside) i said sure..lol anyway. she came over last night and we hung out. i went to work for some safety training for a few hours this morning and came home. woke her up and we spent the day together just having some relaxed fun. went to chinese, walmart and ice cream. then she dropped me off so i could get my kids. was a really good day.
lol.. thanks gineen.. i may have different views on committed relationships then some. its dating her and no one else. and we have talked alot. im tryin something new. my counselor said i overthink things to much and try to find negative reasons not to date someone. she thinks i try to be miserable to punish myself..i need a male IC!!..lol and facebook is facebook.. doesnt mean much. IMHO
i did see that! its cute! now thinhe came from a time when people k about this for a minute. that man has lived through things i cant even imagine. he has seen alot of things in life. probably has stories for days. he came from a generation that actually had some moral fiber. when people actually tried to make meaningful relationships and hold on to them. he has seen the world change before his eyes. and then there is you. he adores you. what does that say about you? i think he sees how wonderful of a woman you are. that you have values. that your heart shines through in what you do. in my experience, elderly people are nobody's fools. my grandfather used to see right through me and not put up with the fake front i would put on. if the man adores you, i think you are doing something right.
as far as beating you in the dating thing.. dont worry about me. im not good on longevity. im just taking a chance and seeing where it goes. there is already a huge red flag.. she has never been to a hockey game!!! lol trust in your feelings. you are smart. you have alot of love to give and a huge heart. i see it everyday on my fb wall. gabby is so lucky to have a mom like you! i wish my ex could be half the mom you are. i know it hurts when you have love to give and no one to give it back. trust me.i know something is going to happen. but you have to make it happen also. take a little chance. like Wii said, wade through the scum and try out a few coffee dates. its only coffee!!
thanks for the concern. i have never had a "girlfriend" in my life besides my XW. as for knowing the woman, i dont want to know everything about her right away. then what would we talk about when we are together? the discovery journey is fun for me. if stuff comes up, it does. the deal breakers can come up, and that means it gets ended. or not, depending on how it gets dealt with. like the hockey thing. that could very easily be a deal breaker for me. then again, maybe it will be fun having someone with me who really takes an interest like i do, and just has never been introduced to it before? who knows
i do think it will be hard to find the right deserving guy if you dont try. just relax and live in the moment a little bit. go out with a few guys. start making your own action instead of these "set up" things from your friends. i tried the whole set up thing. yuck.. someone else's idea of who is right for you. then there is that weird pressure, because you dont want to offend your friend if it doesnt work. thats when i started asking women to do little things. coffee, lunch, dinner. like a fun job interview. they never worked out how i wanted, but what was the loss? a few bucks and a little of my time. its better than sitting around being pissy cuz i didnt have anyone.
i do believe you will find the right guy. as i will find the right woman.
and this conquering guy... he may have changed, or you are just not into him. who cares. go have fun and be you. if you are half the woman in real life as you are here.. you got this.. some guy is going to be blown away by you, and just maybe...you by him..
Bets