Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Re: we own a business - pt 10 ... its about me!

KD.. (HUGE HUGS) and Thank you. I have alot to say, but am tired. I do believe, time to time, he does touch on a few "personal" things. For example, reminding me that my TV show is on, or the occasional smiley, or apology. (all from this past week).

I would not even begin to know where to search online for L info about my unique sitch. One thing that I do know in my heart is that my h, is not at ALL like my ex-h (without morals). H has morals and values, and would not be able to look himself in the mirror, or to face his own mother, or my D if he ever screwed me out of what was fair/ours to divide. This H, is a very fair guy. The business is incorporated.... not sure how that affects me, now.

We didn't tell you to look it up online - we told you to CONSULT AN ATTORNEY. This is the time to talk to a professional who knows what they are talking about.



He may be/ may have been, but it is usually a BAD idea to count on this with a WAS. Many times I've seen a guy who said all the right things initially, but once he realized how much the divorce was going to actually cost him, all that generous talk went out the window. If you can get stuff out of him now while he's still in generous mode, great. But do not rely on this - he could stop at any moment.


Incorporated but your name is not on any of the paperwork, is that correct? I'm not sure how that affects you either - that's why you need to consult with an attorney. Just find out some information about your position - seeing the attorney doesn't mean you need to DO anything, but you should find out where you stand.

but, do I see a corporate lawyer or family?... KD, mentioned there was information online.

As always, only a L can advise you on how you might best deal with the business situation in regards to the law.

A business consultant or accountant will often advise a prospective business owner to incorporate if there is a specific need, often revolving around taxes or liability concerns. In regards to liabilities, the reason to incorporate is that while in Canada, the stakeholders have some liability, depending on the concern, generally speaking, a stakeholder is only liable for their portion of the business (generally as a percentage). And further, a business consultant is likely to advise that the business nor other stakeholders are likely to be liable for the debt or liabilities of other stakeholders. So in the event that another stakeholder were to be sued for what ever reason, say it was a divorce, that the business itself would likely be clear of any claim by the stakeholders estranged spouse and that only things like dividend payouts, wages or similar such payments to that stakeholder would likely be able to be claimed against. Operational dollars and corporate assets would likely be free and clear, even if that stakeholder being sued were using it for the purposes of business.

Only a L could advise you specifically about how the courts and legal system would deal with such a situation.

Personally, I would still choose number 4, wfm. Because I would feel comfortable knowing that both my loan and wages would likely be taken care of in the event that a decision to disband or dissolve the business were made. Although I would would personally keep an eye on the business, and might decide at some future date to make a request to have the loan and wages paid out, so I might use that money elsewhere.

Of course, all of the above is simply my own opinion and any choices you make are entirely yours and any legal advice SHOULD be sought by a L as only they can properly advise you in that regard.

I think you would know if you signed the letters of incorporation and would likely have a copy if you did so. If you were not on on the letters of incorporation as a stakeholder, then a D L would be the first L I would seek.

OK, but as I have been mentioning, the business is now financially doing well, and H has no problem with me taking out my $$ at this very time. One of the reasons my name is not on the business, is that it was originally his business for more than 20 years. He incorporated it ages ago. Approx. 7 years ago, I joined in. It is possible now that I could ask to have my name placed on the business. Would this help?

On the R side of things, when h does reach out (very little) how should I be responding. I know that it has to be his decision to come back. Is going dim and distancing further working? Not responding to his every text? is all this good?

KD??

Snodderly... in another post you mentioned to read the book "The Solo Partner" and also, as per the link below... that this could be applied in the work place as well... can you expand?


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=714209&page=1

Anything to do with the business should remain a business ONLY decision. If you want to stay with the business, you could discuss being added to the business with your H. If you are unsure, for example you would not stay with the business if the two of you separated or he got a new woman in his life, then think long and hard about it. It's not something that you change on a whim and once you're committed, you're committed fully to the extent of the law.

Taking out the money, except for wage amount, would probably be the same decision and conversation as above. Again, business only.

On the R side, dim is probably a good place to be. Continue to work on detaching, the two will become easier as time goes on.

Right now, it remains clear that your H is focused almost solely on the business. It's possible that only something extreme would get his attention, either direction. Going dim as a DB technique is for you, regardless. It can help with detaching. Just don't have any expectations. Any results may not show up until business slows down and your H's head peeks to the sun, again.

Keep detaching, keep GALing. How are the 180s coming?

TX again KD....

As for 180's... I still don't know them. I even asked my D22 earlier today, what some of the things H complained about. She didn't recall either, but insisted that I stop taking his crap. Learn to stand up for myself.

Went to a co-d/addicttion meeting tonite and ran into a friend. He was completely shocked to see me there. He even suggested that I be the girl I used to be that he found very attractive over all the years he has known me. Be the confident person that I used to be, and stand up to H.

KD or anyone... based on your reading about me & my sitch. (as I scratch my head).. Does ANYONE know of a 180 that stands out, that you have noticed I should have? that I could be working on?

Found this list of 180's from a previous thread from March:

My Goals/180's:

1) find myself ~ still searching for her!
2) do not be a doormat/available ~ not nearly as avail. as I used to be. At times still a doormat.
3) continue to detach ~ have been doing this too! Dim helps.
4) to be happy... I am a happy person ~ have had several happy moments, looking for more.
5) to be less "needy"/lost ~ not needy, just lost still.
6) to be more involved with my daughter ~ we have dinners, want more time with her
7) to be confident ~ work in progress!!
8) make friends ~ have made a few, making more (joined church)

9) let h pursue me ... I DESERVE this much!
10) let h contact me
11) let h prove his love for us
12) have h fall in love with me again & maintain that love/admiration

~ 9 thru 12 ~ backed wayyyy off. I'm just maintaining space and letting him close the distance instead of me running towards him which just makes him run the other way

13) sell lots of product/downsize the business ~ accomplishing!!
14) find Positive Attitude & maintain ~ daily struggle
15) marriage/reunion ~~~ fingers crossed (gotta have hope)

See a family law attorney to find out where you stand. Sounds to me like this is H's business, which you infused with cash and have been working for free in.

You may not want to put your name on the business unless you know for sure what the debts of the business are. Do you do all the accounting?