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Had to go to our house last night because S4 graduated from preschool. Awesome night with my boys but also noticed W has stopped wearing her wedding ring. Emotions all over the place but i didn't talk about the M at all. Also, i have stopped contacting her completely unless it is about our boys. W has been saying some strange things to me the last week or so.

I am also a bit confused as to whether or not i should not contact her at all at this point. Should I go dark or should i try and initiate small conversations via text at this point. We still need to have contact regarding our kids.


Should i just leave it at that?

She is now telling her friends about us getting D. We lived in a small town so this will spread like wildfire. It gets hard when friends call you up to ask you what happened.

How does everyone else handle this?

I also stated that i have currently moved in to my sisters for the time being, but have been reading elsewhere that maybe i should have stayed home for the time being? Was this a horrible mistake on my part?

Do i move back into our house and finish the remodel until the D is final?

There is alot of tension and I guess i thought if i left it would give my wife the space she needed to think things over.

Any help or thougts are appreciated.

In order for me to GAL, i felt i needed to move out because the town we lived in was a major source of discontent for me. I moved out there when we were dating because she had a S8 at the time and didn't want to move to the town i was currently living because that meant he would have to change schools/friends.

We always talked about moving to a different city, but she kept putting it off and over time i guess i built up some resentment for that.

Wife and i had a bit of a talk last week. I told her that i was letting her go. I said she was correct in the fact that this marriage wasn't working.

She said she was relieved to finally hear me say that. I made all the classic mistakes but a big one was trying to reason with her when her mind was already made up.

But hear is the kicker, she keeps bringing up that down the road if she sees true change in me then we can possibly start dating again. this isn't the first time she mentioned this to me.

I am not sure if she is just saying these things so i will be more apt to truly let her go, but it is killing me right now.

She also asked durig that same conversation if i thought it was a good idea to take the insurance off her wedding ring.

I told her she can do whatever she wants but my opinion would be to just leave it insured in case anything happens to it.

She said nothing will happen to it because it will be locked in my jewelry box.

I then mentioned that she had been talking about possibly getting back together in the future and said maybe she should keep it insured in case a R happens.

Her reply was "i would want you to buy me a new ring if we got back together."

What does everyone make of this?

I am working pretty hard on GAL. I am taking my 2 boys camping with me this weekend, but it might be pretty hard on them since W is going to tell them about our D before i leave with them. I will be the best dad i can be for them during our time together thats for sure.

I think i am like everyone else here just hoping for some last minute miracle that maybe all this will work out before the D is final, but i am not counting on it. I still have hope but i also know that i have to change myself before anything else can happen.

It would be nice to hear more success stories from other people, but i guess changing myself will be a success in itself.

Hi SIS

Thanks for your kind post in my thread! I will keep the hope and so should you!

I am not a VET and please keep that in mind! I hope one of them will drop by soon and when they do I am quite certain that they will ask you:
1.
To read Sandi2 list (AS wrote this – I know) – but this is important! Read it every day for the next month.
2.
About why she dropped the Bomb. Have you sorted this out? (Don’t ask W!)
3.
What are your 180s. What have you changed? Work on you?
If you have sorted out the reason for the B you will have an excellent list to start with. Then add all the things you have thought of yourselves over the last years. Things you should have done! Things you would have done, if only…..? Be concrete, prioritize and then do it and keep doing it! Consistence rules above all!
4.
Act-as-if. It seems like you are doing this already.
5.
GAL

I know AS has posted and if you add the list above to his post you will have somewhere to start!
Listen to the VETS! They do know what they are talking about! I you can’t identify a VET than look on the number of posts from the person and you will get it!


Be specific! This won’t get you any advice! Write the things she says!


I wouldn’t go dark – not completely! VETS always state that LRT is Last Resort.
I went “grey” for some weeks at first, gave her space and all of that but since then I have slowly increased communication.


Horrible is a very harsh word! I stayed at home. AS have given you a lot of reasons for this and I might add that the chance of her seeing 180s, act-as-if and so on will be bigger if you live under the same roof. You will also find a lot of post that tells that chance of R almost demands separation and furthermore it is rough. You don’t get your own space!
So I guess there’s no clear answer to this! Pro’s and con’s! You might as well get used to this

I am no expert, but here is my humble opinion.



I don't think it's a good idea to start your divorce off this way. It may be W's doing, but parents need to provide a united front to their children. I'm not saying you need to say that you agree with the D or with what your W says, but it needs to come across to the children as a mutual decision/understanding. Otherwise, they might immediately begin resenting her along with all the other emotions they will be experiencing. The kids don't need that extra baggage. How the D happened isn't any of their business, especially at these ages.



Your communication right now is a dance. Let her lead.

Come across as quiet and confident.



Just make sure you keep all that on the inside. In time those feelings will lesson.

You are an emotional rock! Nothing she says or does affects you. Got it?



Doesn't matter. Nothing she says or does affects you because you are an emotional rock.

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Now, Fartiltre has some very good things for you to work on. If you aren't getting much action in your own thread, read others. You'll find plenty with situations very much like your own.

All the best.

-PM