Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Re: we own a business - pt 10 ... its about me!

sure... it was not a push to help, more along the lines of "your tired, I'm still on the go"... I offered only once. My offers were to assist him, as these are outside duties, and he is so tired. Most of my duties are inside, and its soo nice out. We also have a 6pm appt (now), to which he said he will do it himself.... (notice how he dismisses me, and takes appt's on his schedule (confusing to me as MOST times, I am expected to be available for client appt's), so I never know if I am coming or going...,grrrr.

I just feel so bad. I know how "tired" he is... and he is doing it to himself! He is buried deep in his work and his world of work and work only. WHEN? When will he burn OUT and snap out of this???

On the positive side.... the business bank account is looking pretty darn awesome! He seems to be driven by this and using Kevin O'Leary's theory that its about the money!! (not for me)

"(notice how he dismisses me,"

This is YOUR POV. He could have said that because he didn't want you to bother you at night.

" and takes appt's on his schedule (confusing to me as MOST times, I am expected to be available for client appt's), so I never know if I am coming or going"

No. YOU made yourself available. Going back through your messages, you kept saying that because it's your business also, that you needed to be available. If you don't want to go or prefer to have set hours when you work, then just tell him.

Bond... coming or going is a regular occurence. He "says" he wants me to be there for "all" appts. Then at the last minute, he will casually say... "he" is will handle it. But then another time, when I feel he can "handle it" on his own, he will get pissed off at me as I am "expected" to be there, and I should "know better" and not even question it. He dismisses me... I don't like how it feels.

Did you notice my "detachment" Bond? how he was feeling "tired & down" and I didn't get drawn in? (although I am compassionate, I didn't dwell on it). I came back to my parents house & picked up DD to get Sushi take-out to celebrate the sales of today!

Yes your detachment is good. But you still are blaming him for things that are within your control.

"when I feel he can "handle it" on his own, he will get pissed off at me as I am "expected" to be there, and I should "know better" and not even question it. He dismisses me... I don't like how it feels."

That's alot of mindreading. Rather than complaining about it, just say that you are only going to work between the hours of X and Y and leave it at that if you don't want to work beyond what you think you would like.

how bond? how is it within my control? Our hours are roughly 9am-9pm (flex as we have cell phones and are on call 7 days), as required by client appointments. Most times he "expects" me to be at ALL appt's.... then other times, last second he will say he will go do it, without me. Meanwhile, I may have re-arranged my family dinner or a fun event to accomodate.

Any suggestions?

I'm guarantee its NOT mindreading... when the words have come out of his mouth exactly as said. He has used "handle it" and "expected" and "Know better"...

also.. what are your thoughts on his "work only" mode? his lack of sleep, then tired all day, upset stomach issues, exhausted, taking minimal "breaks in the hammock" while slaving himself to yard work as his break between regular job/clients...living only to work with the forcasted image of one day getting to relax?

>>>this is the worst that I have ever seen him get. He is so deep in this mode.

"how bond? how is it within my control? Our hours are roughly 9am-9pm (flex as we have cell phones and are on call 7 days), as required by client appointments."

Are these STATED hours or things you just made up? You're a partner right? Well set your hours if you don't like being on call.

"Most times he "expects" me to be at ALL appt's.... then other times, last second he will say he will go do it, without me."

I don't know how many times I can tell you this. You still say that he "expects" you. Forget about that. What do YOU want? When do YOU want to work? Besides I haven't seen any real indication that he "expects" you to work the same time he does. You keep saying based on what you think he implies. The bottom line is that you just need to do and work when you want to. NO EXCUSES.

I'm guarantee its NOT mindreading... when the words have come out of his mouth exactly as said. He has used "handle it" and "expected" and "Know better"..."

More excuses from you. He's not your father. You don't have to listen to him, yet you constantly do.

"also.. what are your thoughts on his "work only" mode? his lack of sleep, then tired all day, upset stomach issues, exhausted, taking minimal "breaks in the hammock" while slaving himself to yard work as his break between regular job/clients...living only to work with the forcasted image of one day getting to relax? "

My thoughts are that it doesn't fr*cken matter what my thoughts are. AND it doesn't matter what YOUR thoughts are either. He CHOOSES to work and live like this. It's HIS business NOT YOURS. And any way, everytime you intervene he pushes you away. So you stay out of his sights.

ok... today was not much better. H is very irritable (lack of sleep, etc), but to keep taking it out on me??? UGH.... He never says Hello when we see eachother, or Goodbye either. Today, I got a "dismissed" back hand wave after I said my happy bye.

So... the only way I see to be is happy and disregard his mood (as he can OWN it, indepedently of me). He needs to know, I don't take his crap anymore & therefore won't be around for it,...correct?

I did not ask why he was irritable, or ask what the "business action plan" was for today... I just left, pleasant.

H was so nice the other day, then yesterday & today so miserable & Yesterday was a FANTASTIC day financially for us... what makes him think he can be rude & irritable at me? What did I do wrong that he feels he can do this?

Is this part of MLC script or something?

Sheesh!

keep doing what you are doing.

yes, it is normal script / patterns

TX KD... remind me again WHAT AM I DOING? I'm not sure what is working and what is not. Should I continue to be dim? any other suggestions on how to be dim, while "working" together? (I get lost on my goal and when he invited me for coffee/snack the other day... I accepted. Was that right or wrong?)

The other day he even mentioned about the upcoming (if you recall) "saturday shopping" adventures so that we could pick up our vehicle (recall, he left it there... i thoughthe was lying so he could go to a cottage). He was referring to us both going up together this weekend... (recall him saying that I needed to stay behind for potential Saturday sales??)... this is what confuses the heck out of me!! come here, go there, expectations to understand his regimented/confused mind! UGGHHH !!