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hi,
i can't respond to all the points, some make sense to me, other points I beg to differ.
For the record if it took me 6 months to join them in Canada, it's because I was waiting for my papers!
Also the fact that W is emotionally unstable doesn't mean it's dangerous for him physically. In the long run, it will make an unbalanced kid, that's why I want S.
Also until now, it's not as of I had a choice: W doesn't want me to see him. We went to court the first time for this very reason. It's not funny.
The judge increased my time, but that's not enough, and W still doesn't want me to see my son. That's why we may have to go a second time to court. revealing her instability is going to help me get more time with my son. But I agree I run the risk of really pissing off her and her family.

And BTW, it has nothing to do with the money I pay her, the various supports are all based on a difference in salaries, not time with the child.

And I am a broken man, who realises he's being taken advantage of, and has received buffets on both cheeks one too many times. And I can put up with shame and betrayal, but don't take my son from me.

I am not trying to fix blame. On her or me, for what happened on our marriage, but for Pete's sake, she should leave the kid out of it and just give me 50% time.
The court can see that, can't they?

Is my view of the world still so skewed now? What am I supposed to tell the court so they see the boy needs his dad? I ask you- I'm begging you!, please!- forget the W and the money, what does it take for a father to see his son?

B.

"Also the fact that W is emotionally unstable"

Wow and you say that with such conviction. It's no wonder why your W doesn't want to grant you more time. You've been an @$$ to her this whole time.

"We went to court the first time for this very reason. It's not funny."

I think it's very funny how you think thinking your W is crazy is going to help your cause here and in court when you were the selfish one AND continue to be.

"And I am a broken man, who realises he's being taken advantage of, and has received buffets on both cheeks one too many times. And I can put up with shame and betrayal,"

See this martyr complex of yours has just ballooned from when you first got here. You were wrong and now suddenly you're the victim.

"The court can see that, can't they?

What they can see (if they were intelligent) is an absent, self-centered father who didn't involve himself in his child's life until the child was to be taken away from him. And a father who continues to disparage his W.

"Is my view of the world still so skewed now?"

No, you are. And I mean that with all honesty.

"What am I supposed to tell the court so they see the boy needs his dad?"

The boy needs to see A dad and not one who constantly puts down his mother. You really thing you're up for the father of the year award?

"I ask you- I'm begging you!, please!- forget the W and the money, what does it take for a father to see his son?"

For the father to stop acting like a jerk. Period.

Good evening,
There's something that perhaps I didn't make clear enough, so I apologize: I use this forum to vent and test my opinion before it goes out there. So, NO I don't bad mouth my wife to others or my son, and NO I haven't accused her of being emotionnaly unstable (yet).
This trait of her personality may be evocated by my lawyer during his pleading, but the sole goal is not to insult her, but to maximize my chances of having S 50%.

Yes, I recognize that it took a big disaster in my life for me to wake up and realize I wasn't up to par being a good father. Yes, I neglected W and S. True, I was an ass. But this was before, and I deserve a second chance, for the sole reason that anybody should get a second chance, at least for the sake of the kid if nothing else.

How is this being selfish?
Is it fair to say that I am reasonnable in asking 50% time?
Sometimes it feels like a hidden camera prank : I was in the delivery room, I gave my son my name, and I'm denied seeing him more than 10%. How's that just?
You know the love a father for his oly begotten son? I changed countries, I changed jobs, I changed language, I sold the old and bought another house here, I'm paying the lawyer big dough to see my son. Is there anything you see in me that makes you think that I still was the man I was?
Honestly, is there anything I else I can do. For Pete's sake, if there is, please tell me, I'm all ears, because so far this forum has called me names but done little in telling what else IN PRACTICAL I should do to help me see my son, and if possible my W.

I'm sorry but it's the way I feel. I have the sentiment that you are very quick to debase me, and I'm never good enough in anything I do.

"and NO I haven't accused her of being emotionnaly unstable (yet)."

Wow. Could you be any more of an @$$? That's probably why you haven't gotten more time with your son. Being with you and your attitude like that is bad for your son.

"Yes, I recognize that it took a big disaster in my life for me to wake up and realize I wasn't up to par being a good father. Yes, I neglected W and S. True, I was an ass."
"How is this being selfish?"

Hmmm "was" an @$$? You calling your W emotionally unstable shows that you still are one.

"You know the love a father for his oly begotten son? I changed countries, I changed jobs, I changed language, I sold the old and bought another house here, I'm paying the lawyer big dough to see my son. Is there anything you see in me that makes you think that I still was the man I was?"

Well you know all of this could have been avoided if you weren't a bad father to begin with. You caused all this trouble on yourself. There's no one to blame but yourself.

"For Pete's sake, if there is, please tell me, I'm all ears, because so far this forum has called me names but done little in telling what else IN PRACTICAL I should do to help me see my son, and if possible my W."

Actually there are specific things that you can do, and 25years and others have talked to you about it in length. The fact that you still ask if there's something you can do, as if no one has ever responded to you shows that regardless of what people suggest or tell you, you won't listen. A true narcissist.

"I'm never good enough in anything I do."

Being a baby is never attractive.

Mr Bond,
Are you a doctor? No. A doctor said she was emotionally unstable. Want to argue with a doctor maybe?
Do you know my W? No.
Do you know for sure she is not emotionally unstable? No.
And you call me an ass? The ass in this case, is you.

When I ask what I can do in practical, your answer is: "everybody has already told you".
Keep being useless.

You know what? please Mr Bond, don't respond on my thread. Go insult some other poor desperate guy on another topic. Thank you.

I could be a dr. You don't know.

In fact, you don't know she is emotionally unstable. Has SHE seen the dr. or are you just diagnosing her yourself and then telling a dr. what your W is?

You say you may push for more time with your son on the grounds that your W is emotionally unstable. Sorry I'm not the @$$ here sir. Oh and I believe I'm not the only one who has labeled you such.

"Keep being useless."

In fact, everybody has told you what to do. You just refused to listen. Either way, I was able to get my M in order. How close have you gotten? I listened and acted as the board recommended. As DB says, if you don't find yourself getting any closer to your spouse, maybe you should try something different. In your case, that would be gaining some humility and listening.

Thank you. ; )

Oh and for you to say that a dr. called your W emotionally unstable is total bollocks. No physician worth their degree would say that to a patient. Therefore made up.

What is the purpose of beating a dead horse?

As I see this nobody is getting anything from this but wrath and anger! No solutions – no nothing!

BRUCE:
I am not in your thread as a regular poster and properly this will be my only post to you!
I have been following the arguments in here and must admit that I am with the vets! You should print out your entire thread and bring it to IC and get a professional opinion – perhaps this will change your view. IMHO you definitely need another angle on all of this and since vets can’t persuade you in to their angle perhaps you should search council somewhere!

I do feel somewhat sorry for you! You have the best advisers in here posting to you! And even though postings are somewhat of the tracks at the moment, you have been given very good advice.

I do wish you all the best and hope that you, xW and son finds your peace and happiness in near future!

F

as usual, the "doctor said it" is never before disclosed information not said before. So I don't believe it

OR it's based totally on what Bruce told someone who might have said "sure sure, she sounds unstable"...or his lawyer can find one. Still not relevant (or recent enough) if he's not also arguing she is unfit. It's Just mud to sling.

But this type of "Oh btw here is a NEW piece of info I never shared until five people called me on it - and NOW how do YOU see it" --is typical of BB. It's "I will hide the ball" and one upmanship.

But it's also plain deceitful. If a doctor had TREATED her and said that, we'd have known long ago. BB, you lack credibility here. Can you guess why?

Another typical habit of yours is not listening. You want a magic answer and telling you to humble himself is not working.

No Bruce I don't think you ought to get half time with your son and I DO STILL believe money is a factor. There's no way they don't consider time together "at all" and since you have so grossly misrepresented legal issues before, I suspect you are again.

You were not the one who admitted being in arrears til WE called you on it. NOPE, You just whined about how much you had to pay and left out other things, (like the fact that it was temporary, for FOUR months and that it included back payments for the times you gave her nothing...)Now do you see why you lack credibility here?

Like I said, the piecemeal information and the way you dribble it out ONLY if we call you on it, makes it very hard to help you.

Far gave you some PRACTICAL advice. Print out your WHOLE thread and let a professional advise you. Or save the money and read what I have said ten times before, with specific advice for you.

I support you getting some time with your son. It's everything you say about your wife and your sense of entitlement that is so offensive.

It's very unappealing and yes it is selfish. You neglected your wife AND YOUR SON for a long time. That's what got you here.

You only went for more time with him at first, to get to HER and we all saw thru that. It was clear to all of us. I'm not sure that still isn't the main reason you want time with him. Or to make her suffer for hurting you...

You have barely expressed much about him except you "had fun" and then you say things about not knowing what to get a child his age and or what to do with him b/c you are bored.
YOU said that BB, and I did not forget. Go read your posts again and pick out the parts where you discuss time with him. ALL the posts, not just the nice ones...read what WE read.

You're not the first person to say those things but don't pretend you did not say them. We don't have amnesia.

Have you arranged a play date or met any of his pre-school class mates parents, if he's in a pre-school? Oh and they cost money so you don't blast your w if she goes to work or school and enrolls him in daycare so she doesn't have to put all the child care on her parents, whom you also vent a bit too much about.

BTW, who will care for your son when you are working if you do get half time? Half time will include work days. Working from home with a 3 year old around and no nanny, is NOT productive very often...

Have you interviewed possible day care nannies at all yet? Are you at all prepared for getting him half time?


Also, you put yourself in Jesus's position or somehow compare yourself and it's very unappealing. Once again playing the victim to join her in Canada, which she did NOT ask you to do...but here's the part you AGAIN forget.

You did nothing for your wife and son that you did not FIRST demand of her. She came to YOUR country and learned French. You came here already knowing English and you had a job here.
Maybe she had a job in France and met you when she was a student so she spoke French. Great, you two are even.


You said you came to follow them but you said in your earlier posts she told you NOT To...and she did not want a cent from you. Nor did she have a place for you to stay, which she told you but somehow you EXPECTED her to do what she told you she would not do. That's your sense of entitlement coming up again. As if no one could do something to YOU that you think is unfair and as if your previous behavior MUST BE FORGIVEN.

That "I deserve a second chance" is arrogance. You got more than one chance when she lived with you. But you seem to again, forget whatever does not fit your present story...your narrative wherein you made "small minor mistakes" and she is outrageously unfair and UNSTABLE to deny you anything and the courts are all stacked against you and we're all stacked against you are again in VICTIMHOOD mode.

But you wanted her back and when you eventually got around to coming over here (your story has changed so many times It gets hard to recall BUT I DO recall it. you wanted to take a SUMMER off at the beach before them and I bet that really impressed her. But it also makes no sense since she did NOT want you to join her at all.)

Your shock that she was not happy for you is amazingly clueless.

That's what I MEAN when I say you are not aware of how you sound.

THEN you changed the summer at the beach story to "a few days" and it still makes no sense.

She wasn't happy for you to go to the beach? She left you.

She was in Canada trying to be a single mom with her family probably telling her they "told her so" about you.

She must have eaten a lot of crow (that means she had to be even more humbled by their opionion of you being validated.

I have not known anyone to marry someone their parents disliked AND stay married. True, the parents can be bigots or just be wrong, but usually if they are normal decent parents, they have objective reasons for not wanting their child to marry a specific person.

Your wife married you anyhow, and you made no effort to reach out to them. You were fine with them not attending the wedding but it must have killed her, and you were fine with them not liking you...until you needed them. Now you are outraged they don't seem fond of you. That's not self aware of you BB.

Anyhow, I have to go.

Good luck

Hi,
I understand what you are all trying to tell me, but either I'm not precise enough, or something because I don't deliver the right message.
Anyway, for the doctor thing, it's her doctor in France which is also mine, who wrote a testimony letter because i asked since she knows her and me. Now it doesn't say W is unfit, but it's a bad trait that should play against W.

For the payments, they continue without an end date. I wish it was only 4 months!

And my parents would come if I obtain 50% of my son. And they'all keep him for free. Saying this Because her mother charges me for keeping my S. You read well, the grandmother claims she takes money to keep the grandson, that I have to pay! And I do!

All the rest is true and I can see my weaknesses and where I didn't act so noble. Thank you for having the patience to point it out. I'm working in improving these things. It just doesn't happen in one day.

Cheers,
B.