M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
H tried to get me to do a vehicle switch with him. I wasn't feeling like seeing him so made arrangements for DD to help me out. Then, go figure... vehicle breaks down side of road. So, long story short had to call him to rescue. Figures, no makeup, hair and clothes a mess!
H came, to rescue but we ended up calling a tow truck... I insisted 3 times for him to go, as he sat there talking discussing other business stuff. I was trying to let him feel I could handle it. So, he left. The tow truck came more than an hour later, just as its gettting dark and foggy.
I ususally would call H to say, that I made it back... so should I? (or STICK HARD) or wait to see if he checks on me? what if he doesn't?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Found this list of 180's from a previous thread from March:
My Goals/180's:
1) find myself ~ still searching for her! 2) do not be a doormat/available ~ not nearly as avail. as I used to be. At times still a doormat. 3) continue to detach ~ have been doing this too! Dim helps. 4) to be happy... I am a happy person ~ have had several happy moments, looking for more. 5) to be less "needy"/lost ~ not needy, just lost still. 6) to be more involved with my daughter ~ we have dinners, want more time with her 7) to be confident ~ work in progress!! 8) make friends ~ have made a few, making more (joined church)
9) let h pursue me ... I DESERVE this much! 10) let h contact me 11) let h prove his love for us 12) have h fall in love with me again & maintain that love/admiration
can't control 9 through 12. the first set MIGHT help your H become more interested in you and perhaps he might start to re-engage you on a personal level.
13) sell lots of product/downsize the business ~ accomplishing!! 14) find Positive Attitude & maintain ~ daily struggle 15) marriage/reunion ~~~ fingers crossed (gotta have hope)
It is OK to hope for 15, just put that goal in a box for right now and put it up on the shelf. You can bring it down sometime later IF things go that way.
no.. I was wanting him to feel I could handle it on my own (it wasn't dark yet). And that he could go forward to finshing up other business. I just really wish he would have checked back on us. Then again, i would have normally sent him a message saying we were fine.... but didn't... is this part of dim? sticking hard?
KD.... I see the new 180's... nice !! TX!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"no.. I was wanting him to feel I could handle it on my own (it wasn't dark yet)."
Saying it once would have been sufficient. Saying it 3 times until he left makes a guy feel unwanted.
"I just really wish he would have checked back on us."
Why? You told him THREE times to leave and that you can take care of things. Why would he call after all that insistence from you?
"is this part of dim? sticking hard?"
I don't think there's a word for it.
The point is that you have to know when to push and when to pull back. AGAIN, with you it seems like there's never any gray area. Either you're all in or all out. YOu have to find that gray area.
Example: If he says he will stay, tell him you can handle it ONCE. Then if he insists, tell him thank you and then leave it at that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
darn... so can I fix with a text... saying we are ok?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
WFM, I can tell you that my situation drastically improved when i stopped mindreading and stopped reacting to every little thing that W says or does. Do I have little things pop up here or there? Of course i do. But you keep the course. Once I finally realized l, not just said it, but actually realized that this is about me and that she has her own journey then I was able to just be myself and stop walking eggshells. Y'all work together so it's really tough, but you have to keep it light and just be yourself. I look back now I realize that I wasn't giving my W nearly the space I thought I was until I actually started doing it. A month ago I would be posting on here about every time we talked or texted or what not. Now we literally text all day long just about. When we see each other we talk like crazy and I don't have to avoid her. I'm ok with what she decides to do in her life because i know I will be ok. Focus on you!!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
