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Hi GALb! I've been thinking about you too! I reread my threads from nov-Dec recently and you posted often and gave me wonderful support and advice.

I didn't look at the July threads from last year but I do remember it was a terrible time for me and you were always there for me! Thank you, thank you, thank you ever so much!

I'll be looking forward to your next update also
rH

Hey there. Have a bit of spare time so will update. Things seem OK between H and I for the most part.

I am currently busy with some seasonal tax work which will keep me in a job for the next few months. H is still working in his casual job but looking for better prospects.

One thing that particularly worries me about H is his lack of interest in pursuing activities with me.

It seems he dangles a carrot occasionally and offers to take me somewhere, otherwise I spend time alone or GALing. I organised dinner with friends last night. He, very strangely, snapped at me on the way home, suggesting I had to have everything my own way and it wasn't a good evening for him to go out because he had to start work early in the morning. Gee, we were home by 9.30!! Party animals!! I responded that in future I wouldn't organise anything which involved him and he could spend the time in front of the TV by himself. He was silent the rest of the way home. He was pouting at home and took himself off to bed without a word.

Even though I don't expect things to be perfect between us all the time, I find those attacks by him are completely unwarranted. He misunderstands my intentions, which are simply to enjoy some time together. I feel that he looks at it as a chore and not something he looks forward to. I am left wondering again..what I am doing? Wasting my time with a boring workaholic who spends his spare time playing golf or watching TV.

I am really trying hard to look at things from his point of view, but I don't get what the problem is with him and this issue? I guess its just him and he will never be any different?

Thoughts and ideas anyone??

GALbaby, no real great answers, but just letting you know sometimes I felt like your H. There was no great reason for feeling like it, just a lot of small things put into one big ball of anger. I would go to the in-laws (for example) with no issues: they might say something that I took wrong or I got blamed for, I might have started to get tired (even though it is still early), other things could be on my mind, the in-laws might have started arguing (regular thing) etc. My W simply felt at times it was her duty to stay for a set time, or since we didn't communicate well, she might have wanted to go also but we just didn't get each other wanted that.
Someways, I see that I understand my W better by knowing when she was ready to leave, whether I wanted to or not. Maybe she simply didn't seem me that way, or maybe she couldn't care anymore.
Sometimes GALbaby, there is simply no reason for the anger/irritation is it just a moment.

Hi Gal!

I'm glad you posted, I always wonder how you are doing.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt by H's actions, I can totally understand why. It shouldn't be a chore to spend time together, it should be something that you both want to do and enjoy.

Are you at a place in your R where you can discuss this with him? Or have you tried already?

Is there a disconnect with your LL's maybe?

I know I'm a quality time kind of person, and H could not understand this. He would think that if we were in the same room, that counted as spending time together. I don't think he ever realized how important it was to me.

And the snapping at you...

Is it possible he was irritated about something else, but took it out on you? It was strange that he did it out of the blue like that.

I hope that you will be able to communicate to your H how you are feeling Gal. You deserve to be treated well, and to have a M that is honest and loving.

You deserve happiness my far away friend

Thanks HWA and TVS...yes I know I deserve better and it is hurtful to me. I do wonder what his reaction would be if the shoe was on the other foot and I BD'd him. Would he have fought so hard to get me back?? Would he have improved himself and devoted so much time to being a better person? and someone I could fall in love with once again?? Funny that he wants unconditional love, yet I don't seem to get that in return.

Just feeling frustrated at the moment. I know I'll bounce back again.

Hope you are both doing well and keeping up your PMA under difficult circumstances.

GALbaby, I have often asked myself the same question. What if the show was on the other foot? It probably would have had the whole family show they expected me to do that sometime. But I wonder what the W might have done?

Hey Galbaby just caught your last update. Sorry about your frustrations. In reading your post LL came to mind to me too and TVS mentioned this:

"Is there a disconnect with your LL's maybe?"

Do you know his LL? Just some thoughts maybe you can start there?

I'm glad you're staying busy

Newman

Hey Newman, nice to hear from you. Yes I think we could be missing each other's LL. I know H is not speaking mine. However, he speaks to me in the LL that I think means something to him .... i.e., acts of service...like making me coffee in the morning, making my lunch, and things like that.

I'm trying to compliment him more (he's either vain or insecure?!?) and make his favourite dinner..but I could do more also.

I keep telling myself I have the advantage of learning and teaching myself how to be a better person and better at relationships, H hasn't had that. Do I feel a bit cheated, I do at times, but also try to look at the positives of our R. It gets frustrating at times, but I generally can push the negatives away and keep going.

Hope you're doing well. I have been busy and haven't been posting much, but I do try to keep up with everyone's sitch. Thanks again Newman.

Hi GALb!

Just wanted to say thank you so much for your comments on my sitch. I feel I, too, need to start posting less, and working on my awesome self, is how I think you put it!

It's been so much of a habit to journal here...I'm reluctant to give it up!

Your last update was nearly a month ago. Are things going well? Any trips planned for the near future?

I sometimes go back and read my old threads and your wisdom and support come shining through. Like how your boys wanted to control you, but not so much your daughter. That has helped me a lot and my H is helping me work through not being allowed to be controlled.

The family dynamics really have a lot to so with these sitches at times!

Hope you have a wondeful week!

Your a wonderful person and I feel privileged to be your friend
rH

P.s. I love what you posted on TVS's thread too!

Hi RH..nice to hear from you. The family dynamics had a lot to do with problems in our sitch. My H and I had very different upbringings and itreflected in our parenting styles and did cause a lot of conflict between us. I'm sure our kids also used that to manipulate us on many occasions. That is why my DB coach told me to DB my kids also who all were living at home at the time.

Its tough having 18-25 years old under your roof, believing they are adults but certainly not acting like it. My attitude to them had to change and I also had to recognise that, whilst I will always love them deeply, they were no longer my No. 1 priority, they after all had to start acting like adults and taking responsibility for their own lives. I needed to get back to concentrating on my relationship with H, which was neglected for many years.

H had tried to tell me that many times, but I wasn't listening.

We are going well. My H has accepted a new job which he will start next week. We are excited as it has meant that life is very much returning to "normal" on many levels. We have booked a short trip to Vanuatu at the beginning of November, and are both looking forward to it so much. We have had our fair share of trials and tribulations in the last two years. We will make the most of every minute.

I always look forward to your posts RH. As I have said before, you have a wonderful way with words and I feel like I am reading a romance novel each time I check out your thread. Take care and keep up the great work. Your H also needs credit for the intelligent and caring way he is approaching your new R. He is a nice guy and that always shone through in your posts.