Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Re: we own a business - pt 10 ... its about me!

kml... there are no debts. Yes, I do the books.

on the personal side of things:

h just admitted to me that he didn't return my text yesterday because of *excuse ~ busy, cutting grass, miserable* and that sometimes I don't return his messages.

..... wth? Is going dim not working for him? He has mentioned here and there and noticed that I don't return calls, that I turn out of the driveway in the opposite direction, wondered what I am doing (personal and work), etc... Is my distancing, making him mad?

Today I can tell he is a little bit short wicked. Guess I need to be happy & stay out of his way.

"when h does reach out (very little) how should I be responding."

Positively but not go overboard.

"I know that it has to be his decision to come back. Is going dim and distancing further working?"

Only you will be able to answer this.

"Not responding to his every text? is all this good?"

Again, only you will be able to see what kind of response you're going to get. The problem with you is that you'll try something for a very short time (sometimes not even a day) and then say that it doesn't work or get paranoid and try something else that goes counter to what you were just doing.

You have to give any action some time. When you do change your actions, he will initially react with anger or confusion because you're changing the plan. You're not acting the way he's used to you behaving. Any change is bad for him. But you need to show him that you're your own person and will not be controlled by him.

Thank you Bond.... I will stay dim, as planned. I think for the most part he is basically not liking my dim, and stomping his feet. But, that doesn't change anything. He is playing it back on me to hurt or get back at me. I think this is where I am not supposed to take the bait.

I have been such a "business" person with him more and more each day. I do not even ask personal stuff at all. I try to be perky, upbeat & sounding busy, getting off phone, helpful, etc.

I have been monitoring how my going dim has been affecting him. He has noticed and mentioned it a few times. I can tell he isn't liking it, but any other way I dont think he will respect me or see what he is losing. He is a very stubborn person. But, if I want him to pursue me, isn't this the ONLY way?

Bond, I went to my first co-d meeting last night. 1st night was just understanding the program, next week hopefully I will learn more about me. My friend was there, he was shocked to see an unhappy, lack of confidence, broken wfm. This is not at all who I AM! I don't let h see THAT anymore. I hope he can't see any of that, because I know it makes him want to run away from me.

"I think for the most part he is basically not liking my dim, and stomping his feet. But, that doesn't change anything. He is playing it back on me to hurt or get back at me. I think this is where I am not supposed to take the bait."

I don't understand why you just can't stop the mindreading.

that wasn't mindreading Bond. He said that yesterday he was miserable and then stated that he didn't text back because I sometimes don't. That's payback! But, why?

There's no point in asking 'why'.

There must have been a reason why the issue about the 'texts' came up. Did you bring it up?

If it's not about business, just leave it. You can respond every now and then to be friendly, but don't read anything into them.

yep... i asked him why he didnt return my business related text...he replied busy, cutting grass, miserable, and that I don't return his texts always.

Then those are his reasons. You don't need to question them. Just tell him that those were important texts to the business and that you needed a response and in the future if you do not hear from him within (time limit), you will make your own decision and he will have to live with it.

ok sure.. but the point im trying to make is that he is punishing me for not returning his texts always. Like its a game. I'm doing it for my sanity and to be dim. He is doing it on purpose!

We all get the "point". The thing is...AGAIN...that it doesn't matter how HE acts. What matters is how YOU act.