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...party stressed HIM out not me

interesting...sorry I don't have any advice but I do follow your thread!

My thought is, not your problem. He needs to sit with his pain or whatever feelings he is having. The best thing you can do is allow that to happen without trying to cause him to feel better or worse.

Glad the party was a good one!

Great news! Bravo, bravo, bravo for organizing such a big party and making it a success! A little flirting also doesn't hurt. Don't worry about your husband. Give him all the time he needs to find out if he has enough strength to join you eventually again. You will be fine either way. Way to go!

I am happy to hear that the party was such a hit. Well done!

I agree...dont you worry about H. His issue...his worry. He needs to figure out his feelings. It seems he is doing some reflecting.

Thinking of you and your family GTO. You are a wonderful woman indeed.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you!!! It feels good to have really done some good GALing!!!

And, all your encouragement makes me want to do more!:)

So, here's the deal.

I am sad. I had a great party last weekend. The great feeling were suppose to linger, but two days later I started crying and I can't stop.

I am tired of being alone. I want to be loved. I want someone to want to be with me. I want to have someone care when I am sad, or ask about my day, or feel empathy when I don't feel well, ETC, ETC, ETC.

I don't want to be done, but I can't help wonder what it is I'm standing for. It is closing in on the one-year anniv of the first BD and well over a 1 1/2 yrs since H has been involved in an EA w OW.

I look at H and he is a completely different person to me now- a stranger in so many ways. So selfish, so cold, so emotionally distant. I am sure he is in some sort of MLC triggered by his mother's terminal illness then death.

But, it doesn't give me any reason to believe he will ever want life w me again.

He has made a good effort w the boys (not great, but good), but w me he is on the same path away from me that he has been on for a long time now.

I'm sorry, but I want more, I DESERVE MORE. My kids do too, but their dad no longer FEELS like my H. I WANT A H!

Yet, I am still here....and I still don't want a D. My confusion is considerable. I can't do this forever, and yet so many people here have been so much longer.

Does it REALLY ever end well?

Turtle, I can feel your pain. The situation with H s*cks. Yet you know, we know that you can not control him. You must give H as much time and space as he needs, which may be many more months or even years. At the same time there is no guaranteed success. In my estimate, after a year of mainly lurking, the "success" rate is about 10% in our forum - if you define "success" as reconciliation/piecing going on. You have to aim for a different kind of success: be content with yourself and your kids, no matter whether H or another man is at your side or not. Yes, this is painful, it is not what you wanted for your life but it is the challenge which life is offering to you now - and which you can master. Your party is the best proof that you can make it on your own.

((((( )))))

Depends on your definition of ending well.

My situation will end well because I will be OK, even better than OK. That for me is ending well. And I think I could have only learned these things in the pain that this situation brings. I also could not have gotten where I am if I had been actively pursuing another R.

You're lonely and I get that but sometimes sitting with those feelings is where we need to be. That doesn't mean you sit alone with your lights out every night but rather you are able to appreciate being with yourself.

Ask yourself; "What would I be doing D than I'm not doing or can't do, married?" That's not what COULD you do that's an honest what would you be doing.

I don't know if you're done, as I've said before when you are you will know, you won't have to ask. The fact that you're crying a lot would lead me to believe that you are still grieving mightily. That will get less and less but the worst thing you can do is to try and not do that.

You've come a long way, but you still have more to go, I think. Let it unfold in from of you.

Hi Turtle, it's been a while since I've posted to you. Sorry to hear you've been having a rough time of it all.



Since this is the case you might want to consider joining us in the MLC forum, where many are dealing with similar situations. A MLC is not the same as your tradition marriage breakdowns or affair situations. It's more about them and their personal issues, which you and the M had little to do with.

Michele acknowledges this in DR. You might want to reread the section on MLC.

Oh, and how's your day going?