Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Lost and confused part3

First, Don't be afraid to say how you feel. If you feel as though it's not working for you that's ok! It's a feeling. You're entitled to your feelings. However, L4ever if you believe that it's not working for you...then we have a problem.

You've DBing for a short time. Even if you first logged in to this site back in Aug that doesn't necessarily mean you started DBing that same day. I can tell you from my experience that H left 7/11, Read the book 9/11, I logged in 10/11, Didn't really, truly practice DBing til 2/12 AND didn't see the positive effects it was having with H n I til maybe 6-8mos after that.

DON'T USE MY TIMELINE AS A GUIDE! It's only for reference. Everyone has their own timeline and their own results.

If you don't want to do DBing, fine. Go to a 12 step program. Believe me, they practice very very similiar principles and they don't make a profit and been around for almost a century!!

Also, listen to MrBond. Happiness comes from within. How can we be more depressed than a terminally ill child, seriously.

I sometimes feel that it is not working for me as i just get no responce or movement in any way from the WAW. a few weeks back my coach said to me she is at a loss and does not know what to do next. so she came up with doing NC. well we all know how well i can stick to that (not). I was better at all this last year. now not so good all aspects of my life. Like i said every aspect of my life is changing. like i have lost.

I am looking for the good in life but i just do not see anything yet. I realy on God for help and Guidence but im not hearing anything. I mean c'mon what is going on here.

today all i did was get up and think of WAW as i always do every day. I just think does she think of me at all? but all i really wanted to do is text her to say how she must be around as the air around me smell so sweet. even in the bad times it was not so bad to have her around. Im i crazy? who knows. I just putting it all out on the table here. Also there is the question of if she really has turned lesbian or whatever. I do not know for sure and will never know until she tells me directly.

I am try to take everyones advice and i thank you for being blunt and honest with me. I need this. It is just like i said every aspect of my life has been turned upside down and were i have to move to ( my dads) it very depressing and im afraid i will go off the deep end if i stay there. But at this point have no choice but to move there.

As I type here now all i feel like and the thought i feel is i just wish it was all over. I want out.

I also think that well I have not told anyone that im moving back home with my dad. I feel like maybe WAW will think more what is he up to. also want to change my emails my phone number everything that she would have a way to contact me. But then I think of my Stepdaughter she needs my help from time to time. But i just feel like dropping off the face of the earth. just to see what she does..

I guess it is just yet an other way of me trying to control things. Im stuck i dont know what to do. I dont want to go home to dads as i cant call it mine. I have so much pain inside. Yes I know seems like this is all i do now is feel this way but i am really trying. I just need some down time life to just stop kicking me down.

I just truly want WAW back to share my life with her. something she wanted when we first meet and up to the last year befor things went bad after the car accident and like 5 surgeries. I realy could not do what i wanted with wife so she went and had a gay girlfriend over everyday and was helping her with her loss. and now if it is true WAW is gay too it is from this girl that did it. Im sure she built an EA then just pushed it to something more over time.i could keep going but i just do not know what to do. I do not want a divorce or this separation. i know it takes time and i need to get myself in a better place.it is just im not seeing anything to be hopefull for in WAW at this point. i have seen nothing but little things here and there. also june 10th is the wedding anniversary and i think of that too. what to do

Im trying my best to not contact WAW but really want to. Just to keep line open . but i do not know what to do just yet. So I will wait till tomorrow. I guess I just feel lonely and just want to be and do things with her. But i guess now is not the time. I hope no one here minds if i just randomly come here to say what i feel. I wish I could go back one year I was in a better place then even with out her.

Some say get meds to get me out of this depression but i really am tired of taking meds for something that is wrong. eating is also not on the list these days, what i had yesterday was a bag of corn.

just struggling with doing what is best for recovering the marriage. but it is so nice out here today like 88 and all i can do is think of WAW and coming home to her in the pool. but more so just texting her to say i hope you have a chance to enjoy the weather. just remembering those hot summer nights we had together.

well stepdaughter just asked me if i can bring her to court tomorrow. I have a DB coach call just before that. it kinda makes me feel better but it also messes me up too. I want to ask her so many things but i do not. It is so hard not to ask her about her mom and things...

wish she would be ok with it. but we made a promise that it is up to her to tell her mom things and i will not ask. but i want to so bad.

How about the first thing you do is to get your mind off of your W? That would be a start. You're obsessing over her.

Let me tell you something. I've seen people on here whose WAS left them with no money. I've seen the WAS leave people who are terminally ill AND no money. I've seen WASs who leave a terminally ill spouse, with no money and take the children away. And in each of those cases, they never failed to see the bright side of life.

You're just moving in with your dad. That's a plus in that at least you have somewhere to go. Build on that. Take that trial and keep moving forward from there.

You say that you call out to God for help and that you're not hearing anything. Have you ever thought that you're not listening? He gave you the tools that you need. No one is going to spoon feed you like a baby.

You don't like your job? Then change it. Ahh but you're going to complain about how bad the job climate is, etc. There comes a point where you have to stop complaining and start doing.

Do a google search on Zach Sobiech and watch his video.

He's right. There came a point (and I still have these moments) when I realized that God was answering my prayers but not EXACTLY how I wanted them answered. I had some special orders and was so ungrateful that I wasn't getting exactly what I wanted. Take my son. He was born fighting for his life. Today his health has improved tremendously. My daughter was born with no medical condition. How grateful do you think I should be??

Lately I've been wallowing because I want H to take a stronger approach to reconciling. IC told me that the growth we have made means more to our relationship than what I want him to do.

So in other words. be grateful. Consider making a gratitude list. Everyday write down one thing you are grateful for. After a month read over your list. It REALLY helps!!

I got one for you. Be grateful your dad is healthy and is willing to help you.

lostforever -

You HAVE to get out of your poor me I can't do this, I am all a lone, no one loves me the world is against me, blah blah blah mode.

You WILL remain stuck and get worse unless you tell yourself, very loudly in your head STOP!!!

Sound harsh? It is and I can say this to you BECAUSE I am right there with you!!!

I KNOW what you are feeling, I fight it every day!

AND I am here to tell you there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

It isn't easy, it isn't fast, it isn't fun, IT IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!

WAKE yourself up and scream and shout!

Take it little by little, let a shred of light through each day and it will happen, I promise you!

Did I say it is HARD???

You CAN do this.

I am proof that you can, just read all my threads. Threads and threads and threads of whining and I can't do it and poor me and blah blah blah...

I am doing it. It is slow, but I am doing it

AND so will you!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

what you said means a lot to me. The 2 therapy sessions i had yesterday helped but i still feel down. depression is something hard to get out of. but i will. i did it before and will do it again.

I need to just stop texting WAW for a little and work on finding a house to by. I was looking to rent but the market by me is slim to none for what i want. I need to give WAW a chance to miss me and to reply to the good things I have been doing for her. I was also told to stop doing for her at this point. So i feel better today but still not that good.

I also want to thank everyone for telling me how it is. Being hard on me when needed. this place does help.

It is just hard to do NC i told my theropist and DB that NC is hard and i feel the longer the time goes by the less of a chance there is WAW will come back. But DB said that has not been what she has seen. It can take a long time more than what i have done so far. that kinda helped me just hope she was not saying i to make me feel good. I know i should not think that but I did and do. but I have to try and Trust the God is working through the DB team and you guys.

I want things better now !!! and i know better but just sharing my feelings better out then in i say.