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What does it mean when a man spends an hour spewing, not blaming you, but hating life, telling you he's not going to change, ending the conversation w/I'm moving out and then in the middle of the night, smells your hair wraps his arms around you and pulls your back close to him? Maybe men know what goes through a man's mind?

I was too tired to do anything, but he stayed there until he woke up sweaty and then put a pillow between us and held on again. He has not held me, full on back hold....hands under my breast for over 2 yrs. Before that, he spent the night defending his calls to EA, and his big mouth telling her about the grand-baby. Again, saying he's going to know her foreverrrrrrr!

In the morning he said he was spewing anger and was trying to get his phone to block her calls the last few days. HUH! He said I (me) did nothing wrong, and left angry.

I don't think he realizes he held me...maybe! I'm reeling...not for him, but for answers for me, my next step!

Hi Dawn!



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Dawn, you know there is no logic to his thoughts right now. Don't drive yourself nuts trying to make sense out of it!

At least he realizes the problems are his own, no longer blaming them on you. I think that is progress.



Sit quietly and the answers will come. (stolen from someone much wiser than me!)

i sure hope the "sit quietly" thing works. i think it's wht i've been doing. feels "wrong" according to modern american lifestyle demands - doesn'tit? tosit quietly.

we're such an action oriented society. do it- just do it- go eat a pill - have an operation - perform a giant action- have strategy, etc.

wears one out- I AM SITTING QUIETLY here- don't know if i even have hope about it all even still- just waitng.

fingers crossed.

DAWN- THINK THEY'RE RIGHT- IF THIS GUY IS TELLNG YOU IT'S NOT YOU- BELIEVE HIM. he at least knows he's spinnnign out of control- at leasthe's owning his own anger and part in it all.

oh wellh uh???

xxo

FY,

Sit quietly and the answers will come

Thank you soo much for reminding me of this little powerful sentence, as soon as I read it I realized I had forgot to sit still. I was grounded again!

Nero....

yes, sitting still is sometimes all I have and most of the time it is the best choice. My answers have been coming to me, and those are the ones you don't have to question because of how simple the truth can be when it reveals it's self!

Yes, he is taking his own blame, and even understands there will one day be consequences, but his backward brain doesn't grasp the whole pic, he's just not mature or healthy enough!

I am surprised, relieved, thankful, and even scared about how ok I am these days about my M, R, and the simple truth that it is probably over. I know what I want, I'm not going to spend my days " trying" to squeeze it out of someone, I want their L to flow naturally from who they are as a person. Like I've always said, I love men, I think they are great company, they are easy going, usually easy to please, and don't get caught up on things.

Why wouldn't I sit still while in this sitch, everything going on around me about H is yuck, I don't want to be a part of it! I have 3 adult sons who still live here, now... they are awesome, handsome, strong minded men, and the smell good too!

Have a great day all, I have been getting better at doing for myself, and reaching out to talk to people, time to find me, now where did she go again.....

hiya -

you sure are ms total serenety. you sound amazingly "together" today- yay for you. my pma comes and goes. I guess i should be grateful i have one even some of the time huh?

I CAN DO the sit quietly thing - maybe that's all i can do anymore. i'm sure too pooped to worry and wonder more-

school was okay- one more day of pay - so woo hoo. big fight in hallway- i think two kids ended up arrested. man- i'd never think my little home town could have such a rough crowd in the schools these days. it surprises me and i wonder where the heck these kids came from? they sure are not from here- well, their parents, etc.

too darn bad it's the end of the school year just when i was getting "the hang of it" - oh well huh?

h comes tomorrow - i'm working anyway- he can wait a bit at airport til i can get there.

i guess "i got nothin" tonite- just stopping by for camaraderie. you're a kick with your "I like men" spiel. i do as well i guess- i do not particularly like having to go out looking for a new one tho - they've always just seemed to fall in my lap. here's hoping a third one does just that - one that will last til i croak. i've been in a serious r since i was about 15 - cannot imagine doing life alone. oh well huh?

i'm outta here i guess. can't even look at the garden- it became overgrown in about one week of rain - eeek - time for a new m.o. out there as well as in here - and me - and house and life and so on.

hope i get some big energy soon to do all this "new" stuff

xxo

My C said that my H is not that great an actor to have been able to play all he did for the past almost 22 years. "SomeTHING, someONE", was the catalys and they don't take off their mask at MLC, they put one on.

Different take! I think I let him tell me he was wearing a mask our whole M and now he's returning to himself, which i call giving up on life and returning to failure, how nice to have someone show me the other side. Now which version is correct?

wow dawn-

interesting perspective. perspective is EVERYTHING - isn't it?

it's an auspicious time to say such wise thing. my h got here last nite- it's sooooooooooooooooooooooo wierd feeling- being around him- without the GIANT AFFEction FACTOR I'VE ALWAYS HAD. IT'S wierd to be objective- to feel obj3ective- i feel sad that i am. i guess it's self-defense at this point.


SO- I'D be very happy to believe the last 37 yeas have not been a giant lie with a giant liar. i wonder-

i hear lawn mower stop - out there- i'll be back-

it's a good thought this morning- as usual- land of the confused and quandry-

will cogitate on it- hope your day is good- thank you so much for sharing this thought- it's a worthwhile one?

yeah rite- will the real h please stand up?

My H and I went to the city for dinner, H starts on why does society/God allow people to suffer, H says he's always been one (at 20yrs) who sat w city people for hours, listening patiently through their rants and suffrage passing out lunch. Who knew? He would park his Honda 2 blocks over, walk to them and after a while realizing he can't take it anymore, his car was his safe haven out.

He looks at me saying...I have returned to that part of me, and you, home, the family are my safe haven, it is in me to feel comfortable around these people, it's how I was raised!

Next thing he see's is EA walking out of a new bar, standing in a doorway to light a cig. Pointing her out he says, see, she is no prize, she is hideous, drunk, and I try to help her because she's a lost soul, I am a lost soul.

I said lets get go meet her… H says EA, this is my wife! In her raspy drunk voice she says, oh hey to H, she looks at me gently, nice to meet you...you look exactly like I imagined, you’re beautiful. Then turns to H and says, you need to stop with your angry talk, look at your W, and start appreciating what you have, stop coming around here.

She looks at me and says (raspy) he's trying to save the world. He looks at me, she has nobody, and we are a good family, why can't we help people. We drive away from her and he says, there is a good person in there. I'm not hurting you or the kids, I take care of the family first, I give her an ounce of attention when I can, and why does that have to be beyond the scope of M.

“H! Your approach is crossing the boundary of M! You rant your business to her, cell phone calls, visiting her apt w her friends to “party”, it’s beyond the scope of helping. Your addicted to the scene, you feel you belong as well as superior. Your using them and you know better, so your very much to blame, more than them, you seek their misery to make yours feel less”.

‘’I saw you try to be crazy like them and ending up frustrated that your not, you want to rise to the top, or fall to the bottom, you hate the middle! I’m in the middle.

H tells me, I love you, I am not leaving you, but I have left myself, so what does that mean. I don’t care, I have to work, and I am not looking for anything from this life. You’re fine, you’re smart, and you have the kids. Maybe this is all an illusion and I don’t know what I am talking about, I should just be happy, just “come back”, I know this!

But, now you see she is not my L’er. You call it an EA, your right, an ounce of attention taken away from the M should not be excepted, you have the right to demand my full attention, but this is about me, this is not even about her.

ggeeez -

i think your comments are right on point. about your h needing them to make him feel better about self. it's an ego trip- saving people.

it's nice to be nice and have compassion. i don't pretend to be able to knwo what is in your h's heart & mind. you're in a much superior position for that. you're one calm customer- saying lets meet her.

idk dawn- don't think i could do it. nice that your h professes his love for you -

i think it's some kind of crossed boundary as well - his r with her. it's a bit too "personal" - much better to hand out gruel at a soup kitchen and keep it "professional" if you've gjust got to go out and save someone. i agree totally with you.

i like tht your h says it's about him- not you or anyting "wrong" about you. it's kind at least -

i'd take it - to hear anything not bad news. as it is - i guess i'm grateful at moment for absence of picking and fighting- i'd do a backflip if i ever actually heard anything good. oh well huh??

xxoo i'm outta here- so didja say you agree your h has a mask on now? or has had one on for 22 years? i'm not sure here what i have - old or new mask?

i cn't think tonite- a bit of wine maybe??

oh well- hang in there - xxoo

His version of himself can only be bettered by seeing that there are people worse off, and if he gives them a morsel, he's all the better for it! It's quite sick, and it makes him a much lower person then those he seeks!

Is it immaturity? Is it MLC backwardness, who knows but it is extremely unhealthy and unethical in my book! Pride is in all of us, but we try to be there for each other in the least prideful way we humanly can. Your not suppose to be regenerated by the suffering of others! Dude's got problems!

I can't say about the mask. In one hand he is a sweet generouse God fearing man, who went crazy trying to give his family the best of everything! There has to be some pride in there no matter what side of the mask you analyze. Was that the real H trying to be all he can be, or the mask of a man trying to be someone he's not!!!

I think he really wanted to be the hero, and when HE felt like he fell short, he gave up! To hard to try again so...up went the mask!

I do feel charged at the idea of a new person! I know lots of people here want to stand, and I am standing, but is there a M really to be standing for? By the time we LBS decide to stand, they, have been long gone! I feel like I'm standing for a miricale!

We went to dinner last night it was like taking my brother, if I had a brother!