Quote: ...but I will admit my selfish thinking in that I may have floated a bit more if h had not been sitting with bil.
... or ... what better person to sit by and be influence by their actions to learn how to be a better H.
Maybe next time, he just might think to do it on his own.
'til later, KAW
oh poop KAW! I know you're right but it would seem to me that the man who's been married for 6+ years to a woman he's been involved in a r with for 15+ years should be the one leading by example for his younger brother who's been married less than two years to a girl he's been in a r with for less than 5.
Know what I mean?
ah but it doesn't change the fact that he did call...however the fact that he's still hiding up in bed at 11am and may just have to run out as soon as he does arise due to the fact that it's starting to snow and he'll have to go get the trucks etc in order for the storm is making me want to stick out my claws but I'll do my best to put on that happy face and hope my tounge doesn't fall off (from the biting).
Well that seems like a logical conclusion. ... but "we" know it just not work that way! ... just wish we can figure out how it does work ... guess we just have to keep tinkering with it until we get it?!
Often with time the spouses forget to do the "little things" that are so important to the other spouse. So if he had a bit of help by a man who is much newer in his R, maybe that's not such a bad thing! Your H might get and idea that calling was a great thing if you treat is as such. Positive reinforcement, good doggie.
Quote: Your H might get and idea that calling was a great thing if you treat is as such. Positive reinforcement, good doggie.
sit ubu sit...good dog.
does anyone else remember that?
...
well I was cleaning up my & h's closet and came across a box in wich I found some old stationary etc...before chucking it I decided to take a look and make sure I wasn't getting rid of anything important since amongst the clutter of the box there was a stray copy of my junior prom pic (yes I took h to my jr prom)
in looking through the box I came across old post cards, letters, cards (that he wrote in too) and those little cards you get with flowers. One christmas card made me start crying (what he wrote was so...well just so aaawww!) I sat there reading them all and then with tears in my eyes brought them down to h...he read them too and when he finished came and kissed me and told me not to cry. By then I had stopped crying but of course the hug he gave me brought on some more tears. Through my tears into h's ear I said "I love you" h responded "I love you too" "and I'm sorry"
I don't know if I was crying because the cards made me think of ow a little (the fact that he almost didn't keep to his words of forever etc in his writings) or if I was crying because there in front of my eyes was proof that yes my h always did love me...heck in one of the cards he even wrote that despite the fact that work keeps him busy etc he's always there for me and to be honest most of the time (when it really mattered) he was. I for what ever reason stopped believing him and well the story goes from there.
ugh!
I hear you both KAW and Johanna, heck I find myself reminding both my mom and my mil about relationships....guess it's that ole beginners mind thang.
What a revelation that both of you had tonight. Sometimes the little tangible signs of what once was so powerful wiht you being together really can help pull you back to the reality that you once had. We are pulling for you in your journey and you have made very significant headway recently.
Yes it was a wonderful revelation...so much said without saying anything...
of course here's were the trouble lies...
I came downstairs when I finally finished straigheting out the closet (3 bags of clothes to donate a new shoe rack etc..it looks maaaa-valous!) h was on the couch in the other room trying to get some rest before going out to plow...I was taking a few min to post about the letters etc and h woke up (or got up) and told me he was going to get out and start plowing now (the snow seems to have stoped or at least slowed so it's time) I asked him to sit with me for a min wich he did but was getting dressed to leave..putting on his boots etc (drag!) I could of course give you the play by play but I'll just get to the point and say that since it's been over 2 weeks and there was that nice moment with the cards...I figured a few minutes spent ahem...would be in order? but nothing?
a well...I guess once a month isn't all that bad? right?
well least I know he loves me and that counts for something. Perhaps we have a timing issue? after the card thing h got a phone call from one of his employees took it and went to the puter to check the weather radar, I went back up to the closet... a few min later h came up to make sure I was ok...perhaps then he was thinking but not sure to initiate? ah F it!...I'm not going to get into analyzing this stuff now instead I'm just going to accept the fact that he loves me and the rest will cum when it cums. awful fresh I know but that's what two weeks will do to a gal.
those of you who know me know the story....discovered h's ea shortly thereafter he moved out and eventually asked for d all the while denying a r with ow...eventually admitting to feelings for her..eventually h came home and ended r with ow.
it has been over a year since h's return and of course things are better but not perfect.
some things I still struggle with...
h's low libido (as of now it's been 3 weeks since we've had any sexual contact) and of course the big one that I struggle with was h's ea at any point a pa.
now many people have told me to just accept one way or another and move on...easy to say for them.
if it was just an ea why do I struggle so with believing him?
if it was at some point physical and h just doens't want to tell me to "protect me" or himself for some reason, well that doesn't rest well with me either because it sends the message to me that he's not comfortable enough with me to be open and honest about everything.
Then of course there's the possibility that his not telling me (if there is infact anything to tell) is not about me but about him not wanting to face the truth and that also is in my eyes not a good thing.
These may seem like small issues in the grand scheme of things but anyone who's walked the path understands that they are huge!!
any thoughts (even from those still walking the path to reconcilliation) if welcome.
Have you had any further reading sessions with H after that first one???
Does he like watching films? My H loves that, and we can talk about aspects fo the film along the way, and enjoy a glass of wine and snacks. I feel many of the films he likes are rubbish(!) but maybe I should force myself to watch more of his choice with him, and it will lead to him watching some that I like more??
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
reading nights are scheduled for wednesdays. I also have my book discussion group that meets monthly on wednesday nights and then it snowed this past wednesday so there hasn't yet been a second reading night. H did read thursday night instead and then gave me a little shine over the fact that I didn't read but hey I was tired and I'm allowed to break the schedule right?
as far as movies go...yes h does like to watch movies, infact he suggested renting a movie for tonight. He's not much for discussion afterward though and most of the time I find myself feeling like I should just shut the f up. ah well.
I do want to have a discussion soon with h about how I've been feeling but I don't know how to go about it without putting him in a defensive position.
Not sure exactly what you are referring to when you say you want to talk about 'how you are feeling' - do you mean in general, or about doing things together?
If the latter, how about coming up with a few concrete suggestions in an enthusiastic manner, like you'd really enjoy it, but offering enough choice for him to agree to something he might like too? Also, if he declines, and you have a back up plan to go out with friends, he wouldn't feel pressured and may feel like joining you some other time...
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
... but "we" know it just not work that way! 
... just wish we can figure out how it does work ... guess we just have to keep tinkering with it until we get it?!
