wfm, no one here was at the conversation, so all we can go by is what you post and "how" you post. You are appearing (and have been for a day or two) to be in a panic. Perhaps in the words you would use, it would be called "frustrated" and "now willing to move on" and "wanting closure".
No one here can give you the words you want to respond by at least for the reason that, there is no words that are going to get you what you want.
I'm beginning to get a sense that you are actually unable to be a business partner with him, right now. Perhaps it would be fair to say that he cannot be a business partner with you, right now.
Not because the two of you cannot be business partners, rather because it appears that the two of you are bringing far too much personal matters to the work place.
Do you think that you could be a business partner and leave your personal relationship out of the way?
In the mean time, we sometimes will recommend a LBS use a "48 hour" rule of thumb. That is, when something strikes us emotionally to the point that we are overwhelmed, the LBS should step back for 48 hours before responding or deciding how to proceed. Maybe that is something that you could consider, right now.
Magic, Once again, leave the matter alone this evening. Allow the dust to settle and wait to see if the matter is brought up tomorrow. There is no urgent need for you to contact him tonight. I repeat, KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOU!
I now understand why posters have been getting frustrated with you both here and in the Newcomers forum. I have no additional advice to give you, if you are not going to listen to what we have been advising you to do. I'm done.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Please don't give up on me... I AM NOT contacting him tonight... probably not for 24/48 hours... if ever!
I AM KEEPING THE FOCUS ON ME... I AM HURTING!
I am avoiding all calls, business ones too. I am HURTING!!
I just want to be prepared on how to reply for my behaviour... and I just want help writing my response.. NOT TONIGHT!, but eventually.
I am asking for permission to run away... is this allowed?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
You are allowed to wallow in your pity, if that's what you would like to do. Everyone needs a bubble bath, pail of ice cream, and case of chocolates, now and then.
I think that if you wake up tomorrow morning and think to yourself, "what the heck was I thinking, I need to let go of that conversation and continue moving forward with my life, with or without my SO and go to work and take care of business and not get sucked into other people's dramas"... then... I think you are well on your way to mending...
If you can't do that tomorrow morning, then maybe wait another day to respond... and maybe... you will be thinking the above on thursday morning.
ugh...lol...tx KD, except for the fact that clients are reminding me of appointments this week... as we speak. I just don't want to deal with any of it for now.
maybe tomorrow morning, I will feel different.
Am I allowed to give up and let go... Maybe if I accept that we are done, I can move forward... is this allowed?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
right now, he believes I have given up & let go. I need to stay dim/dark... and heal myself.
I need to believe this for myself too. Is this ok to do? Maybe some time to realize that I cannot be his business partner, or anything ...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
wfm, never forget that your business is your livelihood. While you may not be able to do the business without your SO, the truth is, you cannot do it "by yourself". Your SO is just another warm body that could be anyone... else...
So, you need to attend to your business. And your clients.
You are certainly allowed to "give up, let go and move on". That is your choice. And at the end of the day... if you really feel that way...
wait...
about 48 hours...
to see if you still feel that way.
You never need to make a decision RIGHT NOW. It could actually be a un-productive or damaging thing to do so.
"right now, he believes I have given up & let go."
You're mindreading again.
"I need to stay dim/dark... and heal myself."
You say that but you don't do it. You just end up getting resentful. You've filled up 3 pages on this latest post already with paranoid self-talk. Your mind-reading is driving you crazy. Have you talked to your therapist about that? Are you still on meds?
"I need to believe this for myself too. Is this ok to do?"
Of course it is.
"Maybe some time to realize that I cannot be his business partner, or anything ..."
AGAIN you are trying to control his feelings. You are trying to make him miss you, etc. When you try that hard, all you end up doing is end up disappointed. It seems like with you it's either 100% in or out. That's the stress that he feels. You keep talking about yourself and your own needs. You always feel the need to say something or to explain yourself, when all he wants is to be left alone.
Bottom line is that if you can't muster the patience to let him sort himself out and stop being needy, your relationship will fail. I can see now that you were not treated like a "doormat". You kept needing validation and regardless of what your H did to validate you, it wasn't good enough. If you treated him the same way you're reacting to the posters here, I can see how he got frustrated.
DBing is all about fixing YOURSELF first. That's what needs to change.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have ignored all client calls, and he has not called or texted. We have appointments for today, that I just don't want to deal with. I don't want to face him either.
Do I reply to his text? if so, what do I say?
Now that I have done what I have done, what do I do. I am trying to be dim, but hard to do and work together. He notices that I end the convo's early, and he wonders what "work" I do all day when I am not contacting him.
He mentioned that he was surprised that I did give him the space that he asked for, he was surprised that I could do it. I said that I had no other choice.
PON, I didnt mean for it to come across as an ultimatum... just that I loved him and was letting go, if he was not able to commit.
Mr. Bond, I am still on meds and cannot afford a therapist. And yes, I am the doormat... afraid to do anything to stand up for myself for fearing of disappointing him and/or making him mad... like NOW.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
