Easter vacation is over and regular life returns. W asked me to contact bank guy this morning. I texted her back saying I had already done so.
Went XC skiing with S on Saturday - had a nice time.
By stalled I mean that the communication is less in quantity and more tense in quality. It makes being together more difficult and less rewarding.
W does not put much stock by official things. I wonder whether - if this really happens - she will do anything official at all to end our M. For social security purposes it would be good if she did so - otherwise I will effectively support her longer than without.
On the other hand, official paper makes things seem awful final and real...
She pruned apple trees when we skiied - I took the cut branches to the dump. No mention of the pruning I had done, but it was obvious.
Does she really want me to fight back and say this is unacceptable and just hop in the bed upstairs?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Very good question, adinva. Being more assertive also means more responsibility and knowing what you want.
Last, at least for now, session with current IC. While she was sympathetic, I didn't find her particularly useful. Was upbeat at the session, though, EE had really pumped me up.
Have found another IC, who I will meet this Friday. I travel to the States on Monday morning, gone 4 weeks, including 5 days for EE.
I found this in my diary from 1988:
Germany. I leave school, I leave home, my wife wants to live separately, a new land, a new time.
My last "free" evening. W is reading Brodkey; she likes it very much. She's filled my thoughts so much these last few days with her wanting to move out, a painful desire for me. She talks of 4 years alone-.
One hell of a marriage, I think and am so hurt and angry and sad. She'll be my "girlfriend" - demotion from wife.
So this has been going on for 25 years!
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
And more: S back to school, all of us drove to the airport to see him off.
Dinner party at dance teacher's house on past Saturday. I felt a bit outsocialed, so to speak, with not so much to say. Our realtor friend impressed my W, saying he did 230 pushups every morning (10 at a time). Not sure it is true...
W snippy - about pear jelly I had bought, about not eating berries (which may give you hepatitis A), about where to park when on the way to the dance teacher's. I either ignore what she says and do it (parking) or say for example that I wanted to buy the jelly.
On the other hand, my sexual desire is back, which is probably a good thing. Am very curious how close a connection EE can produce to people. I feel crappy about not getting back to my ultramarathon friend (we ran together recently) and doing something to maintain the friendship. Not sure what it could be. Perhaps the snow finally melting here will make something possible.
It so often comes to this point - how do you maintain a relationship?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
"Does she really want me to fight back and say this is unacceptable and just hop in the bed upstairs? "
Not any more.
"Our realtor friend impressed my W, saying he did 230 pushups every morning (10 at a time). Not sure it is true..."
Obviously this bothered you enough to post. Don't let things like that get to you.
" I either ignore what she says and do it (parking) or say for example that I wanted to buy the jelly. "
Stop defending yourself about why you do the things you do. Tell her to "BACK OFF" and that she has been nothing but critical of you and you will not tolerate the constant disrespect.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
W snippy - about pear jelly I had bought, about not eating berries (which may give you hepatitis A), about where to park when on the way to the dance teacher's. I either ignore what she says and do it (parking) or say for example that I wanted to buy the jelly.
Want a suggestion on a big 180 here? Stop what you are doing at the moment and look straight into her eyes and speak with a firm voice, "If you only knew how unattractive you are when you b!tch all the time. It really is quite boring!". Then, walk away, but do it with confidence! If she should come after you in a fit of rage, hold your hand up (in the police officer hand sign to stop) and tell her even more firmly that you are not going to listen to any more that day. Go to your office or your bedroom and lock the door, or better yet, get in your nre car and leave without telling her anything. Stay out all night....or at least very late. Next day, you give no accounts about you night out.
If you would do this and not whimp out.....and do it the next time she acted like a hag, she just might get the message that you don't intend to hang around from her to dump on you,
I want to give you a name of a man who use to be here. If you will read how he took back his b@llls away from his b!tchy W, his male confidence returned. I think you would learn from his posts, Go to search and type Robx. Tell you whar, I'll find a place and post the link.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Will see new C tomorrow, and leave for States on Monday, with EE in May. Will probably have lots to work on there. Then need to go to Germany for business the next week.
Have told W we could have house facade renovated over a two year period. Doing so means she needs to stay owner in order to get the tax deduction, though remaining an owner does not preclude her moving out.
Maybe her possibly moving out is for the good - it was difficult to be together for the Easter Break week - I had to mostly work during the day and evening, which is not exactly the most exciting thing for those around me. Took son skiing though. I sit at my desk all day, programming, working on documents, with the occasional phone call. I feel factual, empty, shallow, un-fun.
Being together for the summer is going to be a challenge. She will be on vacation (she is a teacher) while I work. One EE goal would be to learn how to have fun. We will have been together in the States for MIL 75th party, so that is good, and D wants to go railbiking (a la wily Coyote) together. My BIL visits with my nephew in mid-July. Summer seems especially critical as it is the period prior to a possible moving out.
It is easier to do fun things when in the US, as there is just more going on. Will do Adinva's suggestion for hikes though - we live near a well-known trail network here.
Is 9+ years of no ML and very little physical affection just too much? W doesn't contact me much at all during the day either, so it is pretty quiet here.
I am in shape for the upcoming half-marathon at least and making lasagna for dinner.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Oh, the dance teacher and I will be having breakfast together tomorrow morning and then going to get a single edge razor shave at a new place in town. Always wanted to have that experience - just hope the barber knows what he is doing!
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
