Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Standoff is over

Holy Moly.
Just got this text from W:
"Ok Dan. This was hard and that's an understatement. I filed papers for Divorce. We still need to decide a few things between us though. Kids are 50/50 with time and legal custody. I figure we can let the state decide Childsupport based on kid time and income. I'll not ask for spousal support at all. But we need to decide the rest."

Wow. I'm really stunned here.

And then:
"U will be glad to be free of this. I'm sure. I don't know how we both lived like this for so long. Hard stuff, both ways."

I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. Continue to be strong through the process.

^

Really sorry to hear this, danielf. How are you holding up? You obviously must be devastated, so do you have people around you to give you some support?

Hang in there. You'll get through this.

Worst feeling in the world. I've had it happen to me twice. I truly feel for you and be strong!

I'm actually ok. I did some good crying yesterday. Got a massage this morning. Reaching out to a lot of friends (not blabbing, just doing my best to not isolate).
She just asked if we could have coffee tomorrow and I told her yes. She will probably hand me the paperwork. I will do my best to listen and validate her feelings. I'm not very good at that, but I will try.

I'm wondering, now, whether she actually filed. I'm worried that she will be like "sign here" on a mutual divorce form or something. I guess I'll see tomorrow.
I don't think she is trying to trick me, just not as all-growed-up-look-at-me-I'm-diVORcing as she wants to be. Either way, I'll try to be ready and listening.

Well, we met for coffee and talked. It was pleasant. We both smiled and laughed.
Anyway, the only time when the D came up was when she asked if I had any questions and I asked which address she had served me at (and yes, she really did file. No more waiting for me to do things. Good for her (in a way)). After, she texted me to say she had wanted it to be talking about the D, but that she just isn't very good at talking.
It was really hard to validate her feelings, because she doesn't share/talk about her feelings. I am just starting to realize this about her. For the past 15 years, when we talked and laughed, and I thought it was clearly a healthy relationship, she wasn't there as much as I thought she was. And of course it wasn't just her. I'm not even in touch with my own emotions, so I never shared them with her either. But both of us fooled both of us that we were happily wed when both of us were isolated inside of ourselves.
I want to climb out of this cage inside myself. I want to know how I feel and share that with people who are important to me. It is so hard, but I am getting some hope that I'm making progress. I will be sad if I don't get to help my W with this sickness we are afflicted with, but I will work on myself and find what help I can.
I've been consciously reaching out to friends. I have told several people what is going on and about how I feel. I'm still saving my meltdowns for when I'm alone, but trying to share my feelings, too. I went over to her mom's work and gave her a Mother's Day flower and we talked a long time. Talked with my parents and let them know. Told them when the questions they asked were crossing boundaries, respectfully, which is a pretty big win for me.
Thank you to everyone here. Whether my divorce gets busted or not, I'll keep focussing on what I have some control over. I'm going to get through this.

You are in TX, so Google search the county you live in and "divorce record search". All that stuff is public and as long as the paperwork has been processed, your data will show up on there.

(It's how *I* found out, because she sure as [poop] didn't tell me.)

You and I have quite a bit in common as well regarding our WAWs.