BrightFuture, cannot offer much in the way of written support, still learning myself. Can offer you some hugs and some prayers for the future for you. All I can say is I understand the one minute angry then next what is happening. Take care.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I’ve been feeling very angry recently and I’m afraid that I would say something that I will regret later.
Anger comes from pain. Pain can be visited on us by others, but anger is a choice we make. You need other ways to process the pain, that's where GAL comes in.
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I have hard time making myself to go out. Somehow I still manage to do it in spite of a strong depression that I seem to be experiencing.
Have you talked to a doctor about the depression? Many of us here had to get some help to get through the worst of it. Depression can really wreck your life and your chances of reconciliation. I went on A/D's when I hit rock bottom. It took a few weeks for them to really kick in, but when they did I felt much more like my old self. It became much, much easier to deal with things and get my life back on track. I stayed on them a few months and then tapered off, so it doesn't have to be something permanent.
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I am self-employed and need to start looking for a new contract, but I have no desire to do it right now. I’m exhausted and my head is not in a right place.
Sounds like you're in pretty severe depression right now.
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I think he also expects us to stay friends. But, at the same time he is not comfortable staying in the same house or condo with me. I don’t think there is OW, so I don’t understand why he can’t stay in the same house while he wants to be friends. I think this is very disrespectful to me.
It's difficult, but this is how it is with WAS's. They just don't want us like that anymore. They're done and moving on, at least so they think right now. It can change in the future, but for now this is the sitch we have to live with.
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I know if I follow my feelings right now, I will regret it later. This is so not good time for me to talk about the D...
Then tell him that. Tell him you're not in a good place mentally to work out the D right now and you need some more time.
I think I will be able to pull myself out of depression without a doctor. You are right, AS, I need to GAL more.
I don’t think my H’s feelings for me will ever change. It’s been 10 months since BD and I don’t see even a hint of him missing me. It seems that he is very content with his life and doesn’t want me in it. This is the end of my M, and I have to accept it. I feel some anger today, but not as much. But I still have this strong desire to tell him to leave me alone and not contact me at all.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I don’t think my H’s feelings for me will ever change. It’s been 10 months since BD and I don’t see even a hint of him missing me. It seems that he is very content with his life and doesn’t want me in it. This is the end of my M, and I have to accept it.
My BD only precedes yours by a couple of weeks, but similarly, my W has shown zero interest in reconciling and has said she's quite happy with her new life. In fact she recently said she wants to pursue D soon (this is a new development). The biggest difference in our sitches is that I've really detached from W, I'm OK with my sitch whether we reconcile or not. I am not waiting around for her, I'm living my life. Maybe she'll rejoin me in life at some point, maybe not. But that is not impacting my PMA and the pleasure I am having living my life.
That said, I am STILL standing. Standing doesn't mean stopping your life. Standing doesn't mean wallowing in pity and despair. You can live your life without your spouse and still stand for your M. Why am I standing? Because even though it's been over 10 months, if you read the success stories there have been a significant number of WAS's that changed their minds even after a year or more. You have to remember, what your H says/ thinks only applies to TODAY. He may never change his mind, but he may change it tomorrow. How long you stand is up to you. I don't know how long I will, but for now I still do.
I am with you AnotherStander, while I can honestly say I haven't detached, my view is I will be standing for my M.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
You can live your life without your spouse and still stand for your M.
I don’t know if I can do that. I’m not fully detached yet, and it might take a few more months. But, I think when I’m completely detached, I will not want my H in my life anymore. This is just me. Maybe I still don’t completely understand the detachment concept.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Because even though it's been over 10 months, if you read the success stories there have been a significant number of WAS's that changed their minds even after a year or more. You have to remember, what your H says/ thinks only applies to TODAY. He may never change his mind, but he may change it tomorrow.
Yes, I’ve read many, many success stories, but haven’t found one sitch close to my. In all success stories WASs were in constant contact, and even lived in the same house. In my case, my H has not ever wavered and I think his decision to end the M is solid. So, the chance for him to change his mind is very, very slim.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
hotwheelsaust, I am not familiar with your stich, I will read it. I see you are in Australia. I had the immigration papers ready to immigrate to Australia 18 years ago before I met my current H. I know some people on both coasts, and we visited them about 11 years ago.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
