Hi Limbowife. Welcome to the board and sorry you are here. You will find a lot of good advice here. I can relate to your story. I’ve been on this site for 5 months, and it’s been 11 months since my H left the M.
What are your H’s complaints? Why he was not happy? What do you do for GAL?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Yes I read both books and I am in the process of reading all I can on this site. So many of the things I have read my H is doing them word for word! Almost like he has a copy of his own and is following it like an actor would use a script. Has anyone ever had an issue of their older child affecting the R? Our D hates him right now which I understand but I am upset by the way she talks about him and thinks I am " an idiot" for wanting to try and fix things with my H. It is soooo very frustrating and I am upset that she is making me feel like I have to choose between she and H. And he feels intimidated by her actions and how she is treating him. Like it's not hard enough anyway given the situation but I feel like she is making it worse. The I feel like a bad mom even feeling that way about my own child. Does any of this make sense at all?? I feel like I am rambling but truly no one close to me has any thing to say except I can' t believe this is happening to you?? Really, neither can I.... I just feel like I want to wake up from this awful dream that is now my life. I know that H is struggling with lots of things but is it bad that I want to knock him upside his head but still completely love him and just want him to get through MLC?? Thanks for listening. It helps to know that I am not alone but feel so bad because we all have to be here. Have a peaceful night all.
Hello BrightFuture-- H just keeps saying the same things over and over. I am not happy and I am done. I have asked why he was not happy and the reply is I am done. Yes I get that but can you tell me why?? I care about you but don' t love you like THAT anymore,waited til the kids were grown up, we were too young and my personal favorite that I was stupid to not see it coming. He has done so may hurtful things that it is so hard to take it all in. I feel like I don't know who he is anymore. I have really been trying to work on my GAL. I have been working in the yard and learning how to do things I have never done before. H has always been the one to do the fix up things around the house and car stuff because I don't think he thought I did it well enough. He is a big perfectionist while I am kind of a seats of your pants kinda girl. So I have learned to use the mower which oddly I enjoy using. Who knew?? And how to check the fluids in my car and fill them up. He kind of checked out from being involved with family things and even just daily responsibilities last fall. Just trying to keep really busy so I don't have to think about how bad my heart hurts. Thanks so much for the welcome and hope things are going okay for you in your situation. Take care.
Limbowife...meet Limbohusband. I am still green, and made many, many, many mistakes when it comes to DBing. The last thing you need to do is blame yourself totally for your sitch. Yes, as the other say, accept your role in the M...but dont let it destroy whatever is left of your self esteem and character.
The things your H is saying, mirror almost exactly the same script we have all heard from our H/W's. Dont even think about talking to them with logic, because they arent thinking that way. All those rosy , loving, and fabulous good times you remember? Yeah...they dont. They are focused soley on the worse aspects of the R right now.
You've been a devoted W and mother...sounds to me like you need to start GAL'ing big time.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Hi SFC_Swede aka Limbo husband. Sorry we have to be here huh?? I am thinking about having I'm sorry tattooed on my forehead because it seems to be all I think and feel. Of course I have made all the mistakes that I shouldn't have. Cry, beg, reasoning which to my H is the same as beating my head against the wall. He called today to tell me yet again how DONE he really is. He's going to buy a new truck and a camper and just disappear. What is wrong with this man?? I have been a stay at home mom for 25 years because that is where he wanted me. Now I will be scrambling to find a job. I feel so worthless and there was so much I could have done but didn't see it. I have taken myself apart bit by bit. And all I want to do is make things better for him. What does that say about me?? I really am working on my GAL. Thanks so much for reading. You are such nice people.
Limbowife, I know how hard it is. When I got my ILYBNILWY speech, I could not believe it. It took me a couple of weeks to fully process it and realize how serious it was. My H said the same thing that he was not happy for a couple of years. He gave me some specific that he didn’t like in our R, and some of them totally didn’t make sense to me.
My H was also doing everything in the house as far as fixing, mowing, checking on things working properly. Good thing that I’ve learnt some of this things over the years, since he was traveling for work in the summer and fall. So, I also do the mowing and take my car for maintenance among other things. I’m lucky to have my son to help with other stuff around the house.
I can understand your daughter being angry with her Dad. I don’t have this kind of experience, so I cannot give you a solid advice on this. Hopefully some veterans on this board with chime in. Your daughter is old enough to understand what is at stake for you though. Can you talk to her?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Yes I read both books and I am in the process of reading all I can on this site. So many of the things I have read my H is doing them word for word! Almost like he has a copy of his own and is following it like an actor would use a script. Has anyone ever had an issue of their older child affecting the R? Our D hates him right now which I understand but I am upset by the way she talks about him and thinks I am " an idiot" for wanting to try and fix things with my H. It is soooo very frustrating and I am upset that she is making me feel like I have to choose between she and H. And he feels intimidated by her actions and how she is treating him. Like it's not hard enough anyway given the situation but I feel like she is making it worse. The I feel like a bad mom even feeling that way about my own child. Does any of this make sense at all?? I feel like I am rambling but truly no one close to me has any thing to say except I can' t believe this is happening to you?? Really, neither can I.... I just feel like I want to wake up from this awful dream that is now my life. I know that H is struggling with lots of things but is it bad that I want to knock him upside his head but still completely love him and just want him to get through MLC?? Thanks for listening. It helps to know that I am not alone but feel so bad because we all have to be here. Have a peaceful night all.
Hi LW! I dropped by to read your thread after you posted on Bright Future's thread. I'm sorry you're going through this. Most of our spouses have become actors and follow the script as you say, that is a great description!
I have a similar situation with my kids. We have two sons, 38 and 28. They both are aware of my situation. They know that their dad has been having an EA with a Russian Tramp via skype. And they know that she came to the US in March, and their dad left me for 2 weeks of sexual frolicking. He's back home now.
They both agree their dad is in MLC. The older son says give it time, H is infatuated with the Tramp, he will get over it and over this MLC in time. The younger son says throw him out, life is too short, he is disgusted with his dad and has lost all respect for him.
I know just what you mean when you say the kid's attitudes make it worse. And also that you want to knock your H in the head.
You're doing great! Vent to us to keep from pushing him. Good luck and God bless!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I am so scared right now and I cannot even piece together a rational thought. I got a letter in the mail today saying our mortgage is in default. H told me he has been paying the mortgage and he has always been the one in charge of all our finances. How did I let this happen?? He always wanted me home not working outside. We have always had financial issues and whenever I mentioned getting a job he said no it would end up costing us. I actually thought I may have seen a few tiny baby steps the last few days from him and now this. I can't stop shaking. I keep trying so hard and I just feel like I keep getting kicked in my guts. Every day that I don't cry and can take some steps forward feels like a tiny victory to me and now all I can do is sob. I hate feeling like this. And of course he is not answering any of my texts. Thanks for listening. Take care.
Well H stopped over and dropped bomb 2. He has OW and has had for over a year. I can' t even think straight. I am numb and cannot stop crying. Why is this happening to me and what have I done wrong?? I can't keep feeling like this. I can I feel so bad and still be breathing?? What am I going to do?? I feel so alone. Why didn't I see this coming? He keeps saying I am stupid for not seeing it and I guess I am.
Oh no. How awful LimboWife. One thing people on this board advised me about is to protect myself financially. That MLCers are notorious wasteful spendthrifts.
Do you have a joint bank account, and if so, do you have access to it so you can pay the bills? Did he miss paying the mortgage just the one month?
