Thank you all for your assistance... I am 37 and my wife is 36. We have been together for 16 years and married four. My little girl was born 6 weeks premature. 3 lbs at birth. At MC she stated "I dont think I want to be a mommy".
Last night I told her about my daughters questions and my responses and asked her to be consistent with the answers. I also told her that because I was at the house each night - and for consistency- I would be moving to the upstairs bedroom (down the hall from D) and that if my wife wished to stay overnight she would stay in the downstairs guest bedroom.
I just read "Divorcebusting" -"DR" AND "5LL" just arrived from Amazon yesterday (Ordered last friday) One key question. HOW DOES ONE GAL WHEN THE WAS HAS LEFT HER 3YO DAUGHTER BEHIND???? Im assuming that since this just happened that it will become easier to free up time. Right now all I seem to be capable of doing is picking up my wifes slack.
My little girl and I are a team and she is responding AWESOME to me.
I need help with setting boundaries
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
One key question. HOW DOES ONE GAL WHEN THE WAS HAS LEFT HER 3YO DAUGHTER BEHIND????
GAL just means get out and do things that don't involve your W. They can involve your D. Go for ice cream. Go to the park and fly kites. Go for a walk or bicycle ride. Go see a movie. Go to a watercolor class. Just get out of the house and have some fun, that's all GAL is I took my D16 to an acrylic painting class. A grandmother was there with her grandson that was 3 or 4. Everyone else was carefully crafting their paintings while he was slapping paint all over the canvas. He ended up with more on his face and clothes than on the canvas, but you should have seen him holding that painting up just beaming after the class was over, it was awesome
The second after we put our little girl to bed my wife went downstairs to the guest bedroom and shut the door...........it was 7:30pm.
My wife is having the affair to escape her responsibilities and obligations. She is a lawyer and being a mom is tough for her. As a family we had planned to sell the house last year and travel the world- unfortunately nobody is buying houses so our plan was put on ice.
This week she was out of the house Sunday and Monday night, home Tuesday,out wedensday and back again tonight. I've asked her nothing about her whereabouts but is this the time to set boundaries? Or should I be happy that I know where she is and that she is safe
I am detaching..........it's hurting a little less each day
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I went to MC today and found out that she is having a second affair. One guy was a illegal on state aid and this other guy owns a home and is divorced with a 15YO girl. My wife told me that (again in MC office) that she met his daughter when she came to his house the other night due to "problems with her mother".
My wife stated that the reason why she cant move out is because I wont let my daughter stay at his house. She cant afford her own apartment so im the jerk
(Thank god SOMEBODY cares about the welfare of our child)
A recent hurdle im working on dealing with is im over-protective of my little girl. When I leave her I feel like im abandoning her and that has caused me issues in GAL'ing. I now recognize this and tonight im going to go out with friends.
Im digging into DR and will continue to bust my way foward.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Do you have a network of family and/or friends? I would suggest that if you're alone with your 3 year-old, that as hard as this seems, you should go out once/week without her to do some hobby, spend time with friends, or something else. Maybe arrange with your wife that she has the daughter 1/week? Some adult companionship is helpful and healthy.
It's very difficult to GAL when you have little ones depending on you. Sometimes they are things you do at home while they are napping, watching TV or tagging along with you.
I would pull weeds. It helped me to let out my frustrations on the weeds. I also painted the kitchen cabinets. Painting is very relaxing. Also reorganizing the house. That really helped me with my anger and helped me to think of something else.
GALS can also be those times when you have a sitter or your little one is at school. I used to run. helped me with my anger. Be creative!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
My little girl cried for over an hour last night after she heard her mommy leave to go to her friends house..... My wife has now been gone 24hrs and no call- I understand I'm giving her space but do any of you have expectations on your WAS to reach out to their children?
Today I spent part of my day helping a dear friend who is dying of cancer. He doesn't have much time left and cancer is such a ugly way to die........it makes my issues pathetic in comparison.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
This is what I used to do with H when he was deep in the fog. I made a schedule with him. You watch the kids from 4-6pm Mon-Fri. First week he missed certain days. I stayed quiet.
Next week I pulled out the schedule and repeated myself. You watch the kids from 4-6pm Mon-Fri. He agreed. I asked, will this be a problem since I noticed you didn't do it everyday? He claims no it won't.
Following week the same thing.
I slowly included 8-9pm Mon-Fri since I needed help putting kids to bed. Then Morning 7-7:40am.
It took a good 6 months before we had this schedule down. The kids expected him in the morning, after he got out of work and before bedtime.
I was very careful not to criticize him about this but praise him constantly on what a great dad he was! His LL is WOA.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
2chiquitos- Ive now read all your posts......You have come a LONG way in your attitude and approach -Its very easy to see that you have used the last year + investing in yourself. Its obvious why your husband is "wanting to try"
I woke up this morning feeling really good. daughter and I are forming as a team and we are developing a routine. best of all- she is really cool and FUN I liked knowing that we would be having a nice slower night together...tubby/ stories/ early bed time.
Then I see my wifes name on a email pop up on my screen
Her mother has to put her dog down so instead of staying with her "friend" (OM) she will instead visit her mother- take my D out to dinner and stay "at home" tonight. She said she will go out another night.
Please allow me to vent here... SHE LEFT. SHE IS STAYING OVER HER "FRIENDS" HOUSE. GET YOUR ASS BACK THERE. STOP POPPING IN AND OUT OF OURS. Our daughter and I's life is better each consecutive day your selfish _________ isnt in our home!
I hope I look back on this and am in such a position that I laugh.
I stopped crying last week- I guess im moving to "anger"
Cant wait to see how fast she runs to the guest bedroom after my daughter goes to bed.
If im a doormat please help me
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Good news- we spoke for 10-15 minutes....she initiated the conversation- mostly topical stuff Better news-she asked me if I wanted to color Easter eggs with her and my d tomorrow night Best news- she noticed my 180 "wow I can't believe how clean the house is" Bad news -she will be with om on Thursday Worse news- she asked when I was taking a trip with my d-she wants to spend that weekend with him.
Like I said - I was detaching pretty good until she came home
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I took my D16 to an acrylic painting class. A grandmother was there with her grandson that was 3 or 4. Everyone else was carefully crafting their paintings while he was slapping paint all over the canvas. He ended up with more on his face and clothes than on the canvas, but you should have seen him holding that painting up just beaming after the class was over, it was awesome 
