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Betsey,
The whole emotion thing has been a big one for me too. Just dealt with it on my own thread.
I am beginning to see that I can't blame my H for being scared of my emotions. They usually turned on him when he wasn't "doing the right thing" when I was simply being sad or vulnerable.
My H needs to see that me being sad isn't going to turn into me being a crazymaker.
Betsey, your H will see that you're not the same Betsey anymore. It just takes a long time to rebuild it all.

By the way, just so you know, the counseling dilemma is o.k. Just needed to talk it thru. It does not escape my attention that the old Pam would have seen it as "It's over!" The new Pam calmly discussed it and worked with H to come up with the solution...

Kitti,

My boss is a real aficionado of positive motivators. We all head to some type of speaking event, courtesy of him, at least once a year.

Yes, he's good... but if you get some time, go check out Zig. He's a grandfather and has more energy in his pinky than most 20 year olds have in their entire bodies. And he's still madly in life with his wife of a zillion years, to whom he fondly refers as The Redhead.

What a quality bunch of human beings.

Peace to you today!

Bets

Quote:

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Why is the phone our only medium for him to act like I'm worth talking to?

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Because he doesn't have to see your wonderful face and be reminded CONSTANTLY what he has done/is doing. On the phone he can create his own little world... Even my H said to look at me is to be reminded... it's the guilt at play. And either guilt can be directed inward as guilt or AT YOU as anger... Just my two cents, of course.

And yes, there IS hope.

Ok, everyone, calling all Freudian and Jungian interpreters... in a minute. Cuz I have to reply to Mer first.

I know, your point hit home and is well taken. And it provided me ENOUGH to keep fighting the good fight. This morning when he walked through the door he was rather neutral. I was very anxious--my dreams were still swirling in my head and we simply HAD to discuss getting this golf tournament on a good roll.

I headed out to the car but decided to come back in. He was booting up the computer... I said quietly, "I really appreciate your help and cooperation. I know I haven't been exactly chipper lately, and I want you to know that I appreciate your letting me get this out."

Sort of a blank look, but not quite. He didn't smile but he looked me in the eye and said, "No problema."

For the record, when my alarm goes off, I'm nearly always semi conscious--enough to know that the time is drawing near. Maybe I have to go potty or something, but I'm usually coherent when I wake up. Not today. The alarm startled me horribly and I had to push the snooze button to give myself some time to regroup. Fortunately, my hair cooperated so I didn't really lose those 10 extra minutes.

Here goes this dream:

I'm out and about, running errands by myself. I stop in a teacher supply store and manage to meet a speech therapist who is not practicing. (Note to all, in reality I'm really getting a little anxious about D6 not being in private speech therapy, so I believe this must be the basis for this part.) I begin chatting with her, and another person joins in the convo.

During the course of our convo, I notice that this woman is consuming cans of root beer--like a chain root beer drinker. She crushes the can with one hand and then grabs another.

She then hands me the business card of a private speech therapist--whose name I obviously recognize. I'm VERY happy about this and decide to head home to share the good news with Mr. W. Oh, and I'm driving my old Triumph red convertible (my first car and I adored it). I'm so happy to be driving my friend again.

I head home and I guess things aren't going well between us because he seems cool toward me. (Note to me: And I am surprised by this? Why?) I tell him I've got the name of a potential therapist. He gallicly shrugs his shoulders and takes the girls somewhere.

I, in the meantime, get my bathing suit on... because I'm going scuba diving with a hot love interest, who seems to be interested in me too. I find myself just getting ready to kiss him when I find myself transported in time back to my house--no Mr. W. but my kids are there. I seem relieved?

D6 and I head to bed. We're watching TV together when we look up at the ceiling... I'm a little worried at what I see: a big, cherry slurpee colored blob forming there, looking ready to drip. D6 is FASCINATED.

Another big blob is forming behind it, and it morphs together (like T2 movie) into one big red blob and drops to the floor. D6 is laughing hysterically and I'm thinking to myself: "How the hell am I supposed to clean that up?"

Well, the red blob morphs into a 4 ft Spiderman! (I hate Spiderman, so I don't get this.) And D6 is laughing like a goon--which is also odd, because she's very afraid of dressed up characters. I seem extremely disturbed by the fact that Superman is only about 4 feet tall... moreso than the fact that he's standing in my bedroom in a pool of cherry slurpee colored slime...

He then disappears, much to D6's dismay.

I seem to go off (leaving my kids) trying to find Superman. I arrive home and find a whole house full of people. These include my girls, my BIL and his wife, a few friends from VA, a childhood "aquaintance" who sexually abused my brother, my boss, and a few speech therapists. They are all drinking soda. I open the fridge, and there seems to be a grocery store's stock of soda in there. What's up with all this soda? I'm actually looking for root beer but want a Diet Coke. I grab one and shut the door, turning to the expectant crowd of people.

Everyone seems to be expecting me to do something or say something. But what? And what are we all gathered for? I seem to instinctively know... so I conjure Spiderman into the room. He pops through the ceiling again (much to the crowd's delight).

Again, I seem to be the only person who is extremely disturbed at his 4 foot stature. What kind of superhero is smaller than I am?

I seem to be so relieved that I can do this, and I run toward him, seemingly wanting to hug and kiss this plastic, stoic faced man. He stops me with a hand and silence. The party crowd is silent. He tells me that he doesn't like me "that way"--that I'm too hairy?

He seems honest enough and truthful, but I seem disbelieving of this fact... and I offer to get a Brazilian! (What???? This is not me at all.) He looks at all of us and says, "I'm not like you. I don't like men either. I like plastic figures like myself."

And then I woke up to the sound of the alarm.

Man, I really was working hard at interpreting this as it went along. It was like I was observing all these people and trying to figure out what it all meant. But I never came to any conclusions either.

Who wants a go?

Opt, you're not the only one with weird dreams....

Betsey

Bets,
Holey Moley! Where to start? At first I thought spiderman/superman was your crazymaking as your daughter loved it and so did your friends. but then he turned into MR.W


Must have been a night for dreams, I dreamt that my wife accidentally three way conferenced me on with her OM. I yelled out that I heard them and he mocked me, I was humiliated... I woke up heart racing... did not sleep all night.

was it a full moon?

always
Mike

Hi sister sledge,

Will you please swing by and give me some encouragement? I also have no computer and we are on our third snow day so we are at the library. I read through some of your posts, sounds like your getting to that ambivalent stage yourself.

Hang tough.

Okay, A is going to do this for you...she has about eight hundred books on the subject. She's a little whacked, aren't you, A??

She wants to know...was there mustard in the fridge with the soda? (If yes, it means problems anew).

Nothing in the fridge but soda. Some half drunk bottles of Coke (only coke, though), but mostly cans of all different varieties: Squirt, Fresca, Dr. Pepper, Coke, Diet Coke, Mug root beer. I was a little perplexed by this soda theme.

And root beer? I like it but hardly EVER drink it. D9 does in restaurants when there is no Dr. Pepper, though.

From the crazy banana (A)...

If you dream that you have a crush on someone then you will come to realize that you are not truly in love, but in like. If the person you have a crush on is younger or older then you, then this is a sign that you suffer guilt for misleading the innocent party, after you have plumbed the shallow depths of your emotions.

The dream of swimming must be interpreted by using all the aspects of your dream to judge the extent of the good or bad signified by swimming. If you dream you are swimming in the ocean coming toward shore you will have good fortune in business and financial affairs through your hard work. To be swimming in a pool shows that you will be unlucky in love and if you see females swimming in the pool you will have luck with love, to see males you will have luck in business, and if you see both you will experience both types of luck. If you are teaching someone to swim you will soon have an increase due to good fortune.

This is what I have on spiders…sorry, no spider man specifically. All spiders except tarantulas are omens of good luck. If you see a spider climbing the wall you will have your dearest wish come true and if you see a spider spinning a web you will have an increase in your income due to hard work. A large spider sitting on a telephone shows you will have a phone call that will benefit you greatly. The larger the spider, the bigger the rewards.

Tons of soda…what is your usual take on pop? For instance, my husband drinks it like there is no tomorrow, Mer drinks it in lieu of coffee…but my parents – refused to have it in the home! If you like root beer but you hardly drink it...what else in your life to you enjoy but don't do so often? Maybe because you think it is bad for you?

The ceiling slurpee stuff…in my opinion would all go back to pandamoses’ take on the crazymaking. I think that is what he represents. The mess it leaves for you to clean up, produces a super hero but he’s not as tall (and heroic) as you thought and he doesn’t belong with you but impresses the crowd…the spider part of the super hero could correlate to the luck above.

Remember though…dreams are easiest interpreted by the dreamer…

Thanks, ladies and Mike!

Well, soda WAS allowed in my house as a kid, but it wasn't free flowing or anything. We had it on special occasions: when we had babysitters or a party of some sort, and we were allowed to order it in restaurants. As a rule, my mom encouraged milk, juice, water and fruit punch.

I went through a period where I consumed massive quantities of soda. I still enjoy it, but curb my consumption--one a day tops. I do keep some in the downstairs fridge--it forces me to walk down a couple flights of steps to evaluate if I really want or need it. Often I choose better (water).

I'm trying to figure out what I could be doing more of that I view as bad? I can't come up with anything right now.

So red blobbed, midget spiderman is a good sign, eh? Yes, I saw his spiderweb clearly on his attire immediately and was somewhat shocked at his entry and appearance. I'm inclined to see the link between him and the crazymaking.

Perhaps the fact that the spider (good luck) was situated on the plastic figure (my crazymaking) is pointing a positive on my awareness and how this is changing me?

And maybe I'm shocked to learn of his reality (my discovery that I am a crazymaker) but he's really not too important in the grand scheme of things. I can make him go away or appear--and it seems to be my choice now.

Fortunately, I'm not scared of spiders (D9 is terrified of them, and has frequent nightmares about them). I was just shocked at just about everything surrounding him... his blob like formation, his stature, him! A cartoon character who had turned real... it blew my mind. I do remember being VERY surprised at D6's seemingly nonchalant attitude toward his presence next to my bed.

She is scared of Halloween, the bee who gives out balloons at the Hometown Buffet, the bird who does the same at Red Robin and most of all, clowns. D9 says it's because nobody seems to be what they really are. I think she's right.

I'm not sure what we were swimming in. It seemed to be a lake, but it had an underground glass for viewing so we could learn by watching. The guy I was with was experienced and he seemed excited at the fact that I was willing to learn so I could go with him. Oddly enough, I was fascinated by the fish that were swimming around with the teaching divers. Oh, and there were women and men present.

So I'll be thinking about this more today.

Definitely strange.

Thanks for your efforts on my behalf!