It's been 8 days now, and both our birthdays (we're about 3 days apart in age) have come and gone. I ended up choosing not to call him -- I think that was the best choice for me. Regardless, he hasn't called me either... so this marks the longest we've gone without talking to each other since we got together. He's texted me once to ask about the D, and nothing from him since then.
On the one hand, I think this radio silence stuff is giving me a chance to regain my dignity -- I've spent the last few months chasing hard. On the other, I'm getting really bummed because this feels like game playing on both our ends -- and also (I recognize that this is mindreading on my part) I'm starting to feel like this is a punishment for me hanging up on him when he started yelling at me. :-/
In this type of situation do I just keep on focusing on GAL and my own 180s, while letting him take the lead re: communication?
So far I've... 1. been hanging out a lot with fam -- that's hard to do when you're part of a military couple, so it's been amazing to get reacquainted with my sister and parents.
2. been working out more -- I've lost about 10 pounds
3. emailed my advisor to find out what I need to do to finish my degree -- I should be able to walk in Dec of 2013
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
It's just really difficult -- for example, he called just now, the first time in about 2 weeks, in order to find out when the divorce would be finalized. I said I didn't know, would let him know when I did, and said good bye. Like, less than 2 minutes. Perfectly civil but much more distant than I'm accustomed to being. Normally I'd've asked him how he was, or whatever, but I'm trying to practice that detachment thing. Was that okay? What could I have done instead?
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Since you're not to talk about the relationship, I don't see anything wrong with ending your phone conversation with him if you had nothing more to say. You're detaching.
Originally Posted By: Dubious Hills
On the one hand, I think this radio silence stuff is giving me a chance to regain my dignity -- I've spent the last few months chasing hard. On the other, I'm getting really bummed because this feels like game playing on both our ends -- and also (I recognize that this is mindreading on my part)
I totally understand what you are saying in the above, my sitch is similar in the fact that my H and I are in different states.... so "acting as if" and not calling/texting him seems like a game.
All the best to you!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
it does seem like a game of chicken but i can only speak for myself, it makes it easier for me to not talk to him and emotionally easier to work on GAL.
H:25 M:25 T: 9 1/2 Yrs M: 5 Yrs
trouble in paradise: 1/18 Big D: 2/10 EA confirmed 3/11 H Leaves me: 3/30 Files: 4/8 Served: 4/15 OW Confirmed: 8/6 Divorce Final: ???
It is easier when there is no communication to get on with things. As soon as I hear from my W it pulls me right back and I have to start again.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
My cat is deeply over H. We both love her and spent a couple hundred dollars to keep her with us as we moved, but as H pulled away he started to be more distant towards her. She really became 'my' cat then, even tho she had been a daddy's girl. Anyways she's gotten really sensitive to me, especially because of our sudden move back home and everything.
Anyways, yesterday when H called, she booked it up the stairs and hissed at the phone, like she was saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? ARE YOU OKAY?? She then refused to leave my side the rest of the day... lol who says its dogs who are mans best friend?
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
And you are absolutely right that when we don't talk I'm better -- more stable, less sad, etc. Yesterday, that two minute convo "cost" me a few hours of speculation and grief, which I only stopped because I had promised myself a run.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Wow. It's been another week of no contact. At this point I can't tell if it would be easier to know if he misses me, if he's thinking about me, or what.
I've been throwing myself into GAL and my 180s, but it's really frustrating. At this point I don't even know if he's deployed or what -- which is pretty basic logistical info he'd need to share if he's serious about pursuing this divorce.
Today I'm going to call around in search of counselors for myself.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Also, I'm starting to really suspect that he's cheated on me at least once; that's the only reason I can think of for him to be pushing for this D to get processed as quickly as possible (and is demanding I do the work for this -- it's so weird how even now he's expecting me to do his paperwork for him!).
I'm resisting this feeling because
1. It's not like feeling horrible about my partner cheating on me helps me GAL
2. When we were talking it was fairly consistent -- I'm not sure how he'd have been able to have another partner if he was spending that much time on the phone with me.
3. Ultimately what he is or isn't doing doesn't change that he wants a divorce.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
What would your advice be for for medical emergencies? My STBX called me last week to let me know that a pre existing medical condition was going to require an extended hospital stay. I have not spoken to him since that week I filed, but am tempted to break no contact because of this. Thoughts?
Relevant facts: 1. Treating this issue would actually address a major issue in our marriage because of its impact on his mental health (and its flare up could explain the initial bomb drop)
2. I am/was one of his few confidants
3. I'm tempted to interpret him calling as a weak form of reaching out; he had a really flimsy reason for calling
4. He didn't say anything like he missed me or whatever, so he might be satisfied w no contact and not want me to call.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
