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Hot wheels YAY!!

Your son is going to be thrilled!!

Birthdays are bittersweet....

But enjoy the day, and your young "man" (My "babies" turn 17 next month and would no doubt appreciate much larger hot wheels )

Happy birthday to your son, enjoy this time they grow up so quickly. I remember my oldèst had a hot wheels party and now he's 18!!! Like miz said then it becomes larger hot wheels lol

Regardless oh H's mood today your in a much better frame of mind than you were a year ago and much better equipt to deal with whatever comes your way.

I hope you guys have a great day, you deserve it.

Can't wait to hear the details about Saturday night and about the party today!!!

Details, T. Cant wait for them. Hope it was fantastic!

Hey everybody!

Well, today is S5's official birthday! Can't believe he's 5, I can remember his birth so vividly. Where does the time go??? He's such a special little guy

And yes, I am glad that for now, he likes hot wheels of the $4.99 variety!

Onto the birthday party....

So H comes home around midnight on Saturday. While its not 2 or 3 in the morning, I don't know if I'd classify it as "early" either, especially if he was so tired. He didn't come upstairs to change when he came home - guilt perhaps???

Yesterday morning was a little stressful. H was supposed to pick up the cake. As the morning went on and he was still sleeping, I started to worry that we were cutting it close to our guests arriving. So, I packed up the kids and we went to get the cake.

To be honest, I was ticked. I felt like I always do everything and maybe he wouldn't be so tired if he had come home earlier.

About ten minutes after I left, he calls my cell. Wants to know where we are, and I tell him. He got upset, kept apologizing, said he felt bad, said I should have woken him up.

Now here's where the new TVS comes into play folks. The old me would have been mad and let him know it - then possibly pouted throughout the day.

But once I heard the regret in his voice, I got myself in check. I thought - I chose not to wake him, I chose the get the cake myself. And then I chose not to be mad about it. I told him I didn't want to wake him since he never sleeps anyway (which is true) and that picking up the cake was no big deal (which was also true - it wasn't like I was baking the darn thing!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party was very nice. And Snodderly, you were right - he was much better than last year. Not 100% like himself, but he was friendly and social with everyone.

The family picture that we took was interesting - he didn't look like the alien but not quite himself either - maybe someone in between?

At one point during the party, he went to walk past me, and put his hand on my waist - he hasn't done this since bomb.

Also, H was goofing around, playing with S5's new wiffle ball pitching machine - he was the batter, and somehow I ended up in the outfield chasing balls. And S5 and S2 had a blast loading the machine and chasing the balls all over. It was very relaxed and fun.

Towards the end of the party, H said he was getting tired. His eyes were all red and weary looking. Once our guests left, he took a little nap. When he woke up, the text fest began!

He was preoccupied for the rest of the evening. Very itchy too.

I was in bed for a little while when he came up to the bedroom. He said he just wanted to thank me for everything. I said he didn't have to thank me, I was happy to do it. He said he did want to thank me, that he knew I did all the decorations and gifts and everything. That he knew S5 appreciated everything for his party.

So all in all, it was a good day with a good party. S5 had a great time, and that's what really matters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been thinking about trying to prepare myself for two things that couid get thrown at me since OW decided to have her little pep talk with me...

1. She confronts me and confesses
2. He confronts me and confesses

The times I have done the worst during this whole time are the times I have been caught off guard. I don't want to be surprised by either one of these things.

Just going over different scenarios in my mind right now...

Gotta pack lunches and give baths now - Hope everyone is having a good Monday

I'm happy the party went off w/o a hitch. Sounds like everyone had a good time and I very happy your h acted better than last year.

About your thoughts...I think your h will be the one to confess because he's the one that is carrying the guilt. I'm now beginning to think that the "itch" he's having right now is triggered by his guilt, not his usual health issue.

As far as the ow, she did her fishing and she went home empty handed. I'm sure she told him about the conversation as well and is now starting to pressure him a bit, just knowing that you are still playing the hand of cards that you've been dealt. Don't tip your hand. Sit quietly, the answers will come very soon.

Enjoy your day!

Hi TVS! It sounds like you are doing really well and hubby may be starting to second guess his actions. I like that he touched you. My W did that last weekend, but it was only because we were taking a group picture at a family event. I was thinking how I'd like to spank her and tie her to the bed! Is that bad?



It doesn’t matter that you didn’t feel his thanks was necessary. He did, so it’s best to graciously accept it. Failing to accept thanks or a compliment is aggravating to the one offering it. I know, because this is what my W sometimes does to me.

It does seem like you are on course and making some progress. Bust On!

Hi Snodderly - it was comforting to see H not go off his rocker for a special occasion that is very family centered. We will see what happens in June, we have our anniversary and S2's birthday back to back!

I do think his guilt is magnifying his health problems, and manifesting itself in various ways.

In thinking about if H confesses, I think of these options-

- he confesses and says he's leaving
- he confesses and says he wants to work on us
- he confesses and says he doesn't know what he wants

I think the third one sounds most likely at this point, but also toughest for me to figure out. I mean, what about what I want? I still love my H and am still open to reconciling if he is fully committed, but then I wonder, is all the damage that has been done insurmountable? I feel like I need the dust to settle before I know the answer to that one.

Thank you for reminding me to sit quietly - answers always seem to come when I least expect it

Hi FY - I think H is starting to second guess his actions too, but until he changes his actions, he's gonna keep spinning on the hamster wheel.

Accepting a compliment is something to work in. Hey, it's not like I get that many from him lol!!!

I plan on busting on my friend!!!

Hi my friend!

I wanted you to know I soak up every detail of your posts. Just haven't been in the mood to comment.

I'll start a new thread soon; just haven't been in the mood for that either. I'm processing everything (including my H's heavily drinking for 10 hours on Cinco de Mayo...as well as his continued interest in reconciliation with me contrasted with his desire on FB to appear like a single teenager). Like snodderly said, it's a tough part of the journey, although not without benefits

I'm glad H touched you. Maybe he forgot for a moment that he is MLC.

I'm gonna guess that he doesn't know what he wants or maybe would consider a slow reconciliation with you depending on how disgusted he becomes with OW.

The damage to our hearts seems insurmountable where you are. When they start coming around and you see more and more of the wonderful person you once fell in love with (yes, though changed) .... it gives those dying embers a huge fan and you can once again believe in the roaring fire.

Our pond out back is full and beautiful once again. It's just muddy from the runoff with dirt from pastures, etc. It reminds me of my M. It was about to dry up and die and was really ugly. Now it's been watered with rains and streams. There's just some clearing up to do that will take time.

There's so much hope here.
So much for you and your H.
You've been fantastic with patience.
But I'm ready to go to the store with you for another patience shovel!

Hugs,
rH

Thanks rH - you always have a way of looking at the positive and making me smile.

Feeling kinda bummed right now...

I went out to dinner tonight with one of my confidants - she has been there for me through all of this, has been such a good support. Had a great time with her - and then things turned bad when I got home.

H was nice, asked me how dinner was, what I had to eat. Then - I love this - asked me what we talked about lol!! (Because that is a normal thing to ask someone)

He then does the old, hey, by the way...

Supposedly the guys at golf league were talking last night about taking a golf trip to the beach this summer, and H wants to know if he can go. Funny, he didn't mention it last night when he came home.

This has OW written all over it, and I am heartbroken. I guess this is her way of upping the ante.

I love the beach, it is somewhere H and I used to go on vacation.

I am feeling so sad right now, so defeated.

Of course I didn't act sad, said I didn't care. Told him he could go if he wanted to.

I did use the opportunity to say that I was thinking about taking the boys to the beach this summer. He tried to come up with various reasons on why it wouldn't work, but I anticipated this, and had some responses ready. He said we'll talk about it.

He doesn't realize I am taking the boys on vacation whether he wants to go or not.

Still, feeling so disrespected and hurt again. What a b!tch.

He is fvcking up so much, ruining the best thing he ever had or will have.

This svcks.