"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
I really like this.
I know when I feel these feelings, yet struggle to know why?
Do you have any thoughts on how to take these moments and understand the reason behind the feelings?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I let myself feel them and then I begin to ask why I would feel this way? Would I feel this way if these things were happening to a friend? Why would my first reaction be anger? What am I afraid of? Usually my first reaction is anger, because then I don't have to look at me. When I look at me, then it is low self esteem (bad mother bad wife...which leads to lashing out). Then I say are you really a bad mother wife? Why? Which eventually leads me to understand the cycle. Can't say it is the same cycle for you, but to minimize these feelings or dismiss any of them is wrong. Own them instead
Kate's right JP, you have to be comfortable with feeling them, knowing they don't define you and they will pass. But in being comfortable with them you can allow yourself to follow them back to the source. That's where the real discomfort sets in as you often have to face people, events, feelings you've tried to bury.
My controlling comes from my mother needing (for her reasons) me to appear perfect to the outside world. If I didn't measure up I was punished, so I attempted to control myself, events, other people so I could appear perfect. A defense mechanism to get me through a tough time, but I no longer need it. I can let it go.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I can stop and feel the uncomfortableness, figure out that it is anger, irritation, etc.
Close my eyes and then maybe see I feel irritated because I feel left out, yet that is as far as it goes for me. I can't seem to trace that back to something like my mother...
Good stuff, I will keep at it.
Thank you
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
