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Anotherstander, the back yard renovation is going great! I stayed home for the morning yesterday instead of going to work (out if character). I got most of what I wanted to get done.

In the end I was rained out. But the project continues and will be an awesome fun place for D3.

At my funeral,I would like for people to say he was a good man, a good husband, and a good father. I honestly thought I was. The truth is I wasnt such a good husband. But there may be tume to fix that

Crimson thank you for the encouragement. I have read your sitch and it seems we definitely think alike. I am working on my own happiness and just being happy with myself. Pls do stop by and offer your wisdom from time to time.

The back yard project is going to be my focus now as far as home activities. I want my daughter to have something fun to do at home. Looking forward to see its completion but it is a large project so will be a while.

"How can I learn to not discount someone elses idea?"

Very simple. And BTW, this is how they teach you to talk to your spouse so they don't feel discounted.

When someone tells you their idea, don't speak. Just listen (validate). After they're done, repeat what they said (ex. "so you're saying that if we do X, then Y will happen, is that right?"). Thank them and leave them with a comment like..."that gives me alot to think about" or "that was a great idea, I'll have to see how it works into the current business, but it sound terrific." Or whatever.

And if you do implement an idea from someone else, go out of your way to tell them "thank you".

People just want to be sure they are heard.

Mr Bond I think I can do that! I have been practicing listening lately and trying to talk less than I speak.

Im going to save this post so I can read it every few dats until it sticks.

Thank you, I appreciate your help.

Did a little more on the backyard today. Gotta keep it moving along.

So Mr bond, what you are saying is, if I repeat what someone says, then tell them a follow up like 'i will think about that more', then they will know they were heard?

Thank mrbond, you have given me much to think about and I appreciate that greatly!

Did I get it right? That is a practice run.

I will see if my wife offers business suggestions tonight. She has been doing that a lot so I can really make a difference with this strategy.

It is very similar to AnotherStanders validation method. Just not about

Just not about feelings, but about someones idea or opinion.

"I will see if my wife offers business suggestions tonight. She has been doing that a lot so I can really make a difference with this strategy."

It's not a strategy. It's how to show people you are listening to them. Don't you ever find yourself doing that to people? Just stop thinking of it as a "strategy" and really listen. If you just see it as a "plan", people are going to be able to look through your BS and still see you as arrogant.

I think 'technique' would have been a better choice of words than 'strategy'.

Im going to practice this technique as much as I can.

Great stuff, Bond.


Starsky

Thanks Starsky.

Oh and SM34, you could always tell your W, "I really appreciate your suggestions."

Women want to FEEL and BE respected as much as men do.

Have a question. W suffers from low self esteem, which I think is contributing greatly to this mess.

She is looking for a job. But not very avtively as I know the whole thing intimidates her. She has been out of the workforce for a decade.

Having a job and a career would help her self esteem, give her something to do all day, put more money into our pockets (even if she moves out, I dont have to pay so much), and gives her better appreciation for what I go through every day.

Not getting a job keeps her dependant, but doesnt help her depression or personal growth.

With my sitch in mind, am I crazy to promote her getting a job?