Thanks Rick. I had a wonderful evening last night. I went with my church small group to a nursing home to play Music Bingo with the residents. Afterwards my group members went to a coffee shop and we laughed and talked into the night. What a great bunch of people. I'm so glad I took advantage of the opportunity to join the group. My attendance at this group had become an issue between myself and SDA Lady. This connection with a Christian community was important to me and I'd told her why. She continually tried to convince me not to go and when I confronted her about her behaviour she'd say "Oh, I'm just kidding". BS she was! I'd invited her many times to join us. I wanted her to meet my friends, meet other couples and be a part of my life. I've always met her friends, gone to her church functions etc but she would always back out with "I'm tired" or " maybe in the summer". Not cool. Anyway, as an added bonus, a good friend of mine has also accepted my invitation to join our group. She came with her daughter last night and plans to join us each Friday night. She knows most of the group members from her previous church. I know them from there too. Anyway, my small group has been such a blessing to me. They are supportive and caring. We talk about faith but also share our challenges in life. When I got home last night one of the members I had just left had sent me an email "Whatis, I'm so glad you made it tonight, the only thing infectious about you is your laughter :)" I'd told her earlier in the day that I was feeling kind of zonked and stuffy. I was concerned maybe I'd picked up a bug and didn't want to infect the elderly people. I decided I didn't have anything so I went. It's so nice to come home and find such a lovely email waiting for me. I'm also thrilled that my good friend has decided to join us. It means we'll see each other regularly again rather than twice a year..that's the icing on the cake!
Sounds like you've got designs on someone new. Could that be what prompted the breakup?
Your social group sounds good for you. Sounds like there was not enough give & take in your R with SDA lady. Your religion seems very important to you so perhaps dating in your own circle might work better for you rather than trying to change to someone else's. just a thought, not a criticism.
No Barb, I have absolutely no designs on anyone...not a chance! My friend I've known for over 20 years and we've never seen each other in any other way besides friends. We've always supported each other through hard times. The other lady who emailed me is just a very caring (and married) lady who is trying to give me a smile when I need it. We've also known each other a few years. As for SDA Lady, I was not into her faith, I was fascinated by it and supported her in following it, I just expected her to support me in my journey as well...and she didn't do it. She had no issues with me not being an Adventist, she just wanted a Christian. She didn't like when my attention was being drawn somewhere besides her. Not good.
...just to add. Since I met SDA Lady I've never had eyes for anyone else. The fact that she's thrown herself up on a dating site again just tears my heart out. She has the right to do so and my choice allowed that to happen but in my heart she's still my lady. That will change, but not today.
Ok Wii, Didn't mean to accuse you of anything but it was something that left me wondering. As far as SDA lady going back on POF - it might be reactive her part or she might be doing it for you to see or maybe she really IS ready to begin dating again.
No offense taken Barb. I just wanted to point out that I'm nowhere near dating anyone again. I can't imagine in a million years that she is! It certainly could be a manipulative tactic on her part to get my attention (that I could see) or she's striking out at me (I'm leaning less towards that one. She's not a mean or vindictive person) or her gf has told her to start chatting with other guys to get her mind off me (that one I can see too). Either way, she's making a very bad mistake. The POF shark pool is no place for a vulnerable lady. But, her healing is her business and mine is mine. Btw, I've not looked again to see if she's there and will not. I hurt enough as is!
Ummmm....Wii......how did you see SDA lady on POF if you weren't on there too?
As for your feelings about her being there - you broke up, she's free to date again. She may even jump into a new relationship to avoid feeling the pain from your breakup. Whatever. Different people deal in different ways, doesn't make her bad.
Just be careful YOU don't slip back into your hermit ways. You may not be ready to date yet, but don't let this take several more years again!
I saw her there because I was suddenly hit with the realization that I'm alone again. I just wondered what the POF crop was like as I hadn't been there in 14 months. I had no intention or contacting anyone, just reassuring myself that there was a life after this if I ever wanted it lol. And yes, she absolutely has the right to do whatever she pleases, never said she didn't. I also have the right to think what she's doing is stupid and harmful. I also have the right to feel hurt by her actions, I feel what I feel. What I do with those feelings is what matters. I've known her long enough to know this is not a great choice. She needs to get her life in order. You can't build a relationship when your life is a constant cesspool of stress! She needs to re-connect with some of her women friends and get back into her church life. She needs to work on her dependence and control issues (she said "I'm like a bloodsucker. I've sucked you dry!") FWIW, that's my opinion. As for me, I've been doing the dating thing for almost two years, 14 months with SDA Lady and I need a break. I want to look at other areas of my life, work on some of my issues that contributed to what happened in this relationship and strengthen my relationship with God. I want to be more comfortable and confident in being myself before reaching out to someone else again...if that makes sense. I'm hurting right now and trying to deal with it. On the plus side, it was so incredible to love and feel loved again. To hold someone special in my arms and to know she felt the same way was awesome. But, tomorrow will bring what tomorrow will bring. Thanks for your thoughts kml.
