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Your right azguy. I am getting a lot out of it but it is an agenda if I want to mention it.
Must wait until the time is right/obvious.

Same with the whole going dim, moving on and that txt at the weekend seems to have done. Something, just had an interesting txt convo with W. Once I get it off my phone I will post it.

April 23rd (last night)
Me: Any chance I can Skype the kids later?
W: Only just got this.
Me: I sent it at 3:00pm
W: I left my phone at my M, she only just dropped it off. If it was that important why not just call the house phone.
Me: Tbh I just assumed you were busy. I will in future.

April 24th (this morning)
W: Any viewers on the house yet?
Me: One couple last week. You interested? :-)
W: What they say about it?
Me: Not heard anything yet.
W: Sad face.
W: You still thinking of moving to (W town) if you sell it?
Me: Tbh I don't know what I'm going to do.
W: Thought you were wanting to be closer to the boys.
Me: I do
W: I've been thinking about you lately
Me: Yeah?
W: Yeah
Me: Good, bad, you horny?
W: No I'm not horny
W: Good thoughts...I think
Me: Thats nice to hear.
W: Just wondering about the future.
Me: The future is a tough one.
W: I know.
Me: How have the boys been?

Chatted about the kids for a few minutes before saying I had to go. Asked me if when I picked the kids up on Friday that I do a few little jobs for her.

Replied 15 mins later.
Said I would stay for an hour if she feeds the kids. She said OK.

Trying to not get my expectations up. Keep on my path.

[slaps forehead] Good grief man! Way to screw up a lead-in to a good conversation, LOL! Have you read the 5 Love Languages? If not then please do, one of the things it'll teach you is that women and men view sex in completely different ways. To men sex is an act that can be performed at will, flip the "on" switch and we're ready. To women it's an act that's a culmination of a lengthy display of love and affection that starts hours or even days beforehand. What I'm trying to say is sex is probably not on her mind right now, there's a lot that needs to happen before that. Be sensitive to that fact.



Next time try some validation. "Talk to me about the future, what are you thinking, how does that make you feel?" The fact that she is having good thoughts about you is fantastic news! My wife has said nothing of the sort in the 10 months since BD. I think I would pass out if she did.

Thanks for the input AS

I was trying to keep it light hearted and joking about the horny part. You are right it was inappropriate and obviously wasn't funny. I think I used it as a way to lighten up the conversation because it was going somewhere unexpected and I wasn't ready.
It totally caught me off guard what she said and the only thoughts running through my head was be pleasant and don't whatever I do profess my love to her.

Do I wait for her to bring it up again?

I listened to the 5LL so many times but that was 8-9 months ago. I will add it back on my audiobook list. I find that I only take in some of the advice I get via self help books etc.

I think dim contact and letting her know that I may not being moving to her town has done the sitch some good. I feel like I need to be contacting her now but I know I shouldn't. I feel like I'm ignoring her right now by not reaching out to her.
I'm sat here at home feeling like I'm ignoring her and she is sat at home wondering why I'm not messaging her.
I know if I do she might think she just has to click her fingers.

Patience and Time, Patience and Time, Patience and Time

That was via text, right? Next time you see her you might ask her about it. Say something like "I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on the future, texting is so impersonal so I thought it would be better to talk about it in person." If she says she doesn't want to talk about it then just say you understand and if she changes her mind to let you know.



Me too, I have to keep reading them to keep the info fresh! I read a little of DR almost daily.



Your sitch has been going on quite a while. Depending on how long you've been dim, maybe it wouldn't hurt to start reaching out to her again. I went dim with my W many months ago and last week she said she's ready to proceed with D. I used that as my queue to start reaching out to her again. So far she's responded quite favorably. So you might give it a try and see how it goes.

Glad to hear she is responding favourably to you.


I've only been dim for 2.5 weeks.

We were sort of getting on well as friends via txt before she said she was dating and I went dim. It will have been quite obvious to her and she might miss the attention. Add on top of that she has been told that I am giving her more space and I'm not necessarily moving to where she lives.

I'm not as much of a back up plan to her that I was a month ago.

I will think about mentioning something to her on Sunday when I drop the kids off, see if she wants to talk to me anymore about the future she is thinking of.

Sounds encouraging. Look, she tried to get a sign from you that you're interested in moving closer:

W: You still thinking of moving to (W town) if you sell it?
Me: Tbh I don't know what I'm going to do.
W: Thought you were wanting to be closer to the boys.

She then is brave enough to tell you what she's been thinking about:

W: I've been thinking about you lately

She even goes further and tells you she is wondering about the future.

This looks very good to me. More importantly, it sounds like a great time to change course from your going dim attempt (I'm agreeing with AS here). It doesn't need to change much. She seems to be looking for signs of whether you're wanting to reconnect. Look for ways to convey that you are.

I didn't quite have the same reaction that AS had about the horny joke. You probably know better than us whether she would take that as a joke, or be put off by it, but it was certainly a risky move, if nothing else.

I wonder if you could find an opportunity to share with her what you think about the future. She seems to be opening the door for a discussion.

I will send her a funny pic tomorrow morning and see how she responds. Not done that for a few weeks now.

If we connect well over the next few days I will bring up the future on Sunday.

I just find it strange how she goes from dating 2.5 weeks ago to throwing divorce at me 4 days ago and now she trying to connect with me. Nothing to say it's not gonna flip back any second.
I feel like I had made some headway these last two weeks with detaching a bit and starting to see my life without her.

I know it's good news without a doubt, just want to be careful and not rush in and at the same time also not miss the opportunity.

It's definitely a rollercoaster. It may be her way of testing you, seeing whether you're going to be consistent. It may help to figure how out how you will respond if she does relapse. I find it easier to plan while things are good how I will respond rather than react to any hurt I feel in the moment.

Has AS already told you the nut and squirrel analogy? If your goal is to have a squirrel take a nut from your hand, you have to be pretty patient while the squirrel decides whether it is safe to approach. I now have a picture of a nut on my desk to remind me of this