Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help! Patience is tough

I think that sounds fine, but again, NO EXPECTATIONS!! She may not so much as thank you for them. Just expect that.



Like RockJC said, just close it and be done with it. Tell her you closed it and ask her to send her half of the balance to you.



There's nothing to make of it, she's just hitting you up for money.



The 48 hour rule doesn't apply in this case, this is just a clerical thing.



I think you're making way more of this than it is. Just close the account, tell her you closed it, and ask her to mail you what she owes you.



You're reading WAY too much into it! You're still in the stage of wanting to see a silver lining in every cloud. This will pass and you'll get used to the "new normal" of a W that doesn't love you and doesn't want to have anything to do with you. It's going to be many months before you might start to see baby steps from her. Just be patient!

Or Years!

Agreed, be patient!

Rockjc, another stander and cadet,

Thank you for the response and being very clear. Yes unfortunately I am still looking for the silver lining. I know she pretty much wants nothing to do with me and our relationship is as good as over in her eyes but I guess I am just looking for the small signs that she may be backsliding on her decision to divorce. I will definitely take the advice and just pay the cash, close the account and then notify her that it is closed and ask her for the difference. If she gives it then awesome, if not then oh well and I will move on.

I am getting better detaching but I still have tons of hope and think about her all day. GAL has been easy but letting go of hope and thinking of her constantly has been very difficult to overcome.

Patience.....wow have I been patient. And I know I need to be more. I just keep telling myself if it is meant to be then eventually she will come back but who knows when. That is helping me with patience.

Another stander,

I did end up mailing the gift to her with a small not stating what you told me earlier, I felt like she should have them because they were her gift from the wedding and I already cashed in her gift to me. I have no expectations......honestly, I am pretty certain she will sell them and take the profit. Which I am okay with.

So earlier I asked if I should give my wife her wedding gift that just came in the mail and I recieved a very good response from a couple of you. I gave her the gift with no expectations. I mailed them to her but did not put a return address on them and sent them out last week. I did not hear anything from her on regards to if she recieved them or not so yesterday I decided just to touch base with and and simply confirm that she recieved them. All i said was,"just wanted to make sure you recieved your gift because I did not put a return address on them". " and wanted to make sure they were not lost in the mail". She did respond! But all she said was "yes I got them", "Thank you".

My question here is, is this a very small baby step or am I still reading into anything she says to me to much?? I know DB says to look for the very very small signals....is this a signal or just simply a response to my ?. Keep in mind this is only 2 of about 20 emails that I have sent to her over the past few months that she has responded to!

JT- apply this:



To this:



That is your answer. Drop the expectations and double down on patience!

JT - why so many emails? Seems like an awful lot of pursuit from someone saying they are LRT.

I'd like to step back a little bit...because so far, very little of this thread has been about you.

What happened with your first M? How long did that last? What were the issues there? Did you address them?

Is this your W's first M? How long did you know each other before getting M?

What's the story with your D? How much do you have her, how old is she? Where there issues with you and your W as it relates to this?

I find it a little odd that you'd get married and almost immediately she moves into the spare room. Did you fight a lot? What's the backstory here?

Are you still going to IC? Have you made any progress on your anger? What other issues are you working on? What don't you like about your role in the relationship?

Anotherstander,

you are right, I am still looking for something to show me signs. I also just recieved another email from her late last night. The email is stating that she will not send me any money to offset the money I put into the checking account to bring the account to zero so that it can be closed. I simply asked her if she wanted to contribute that would be great but if not no worries. Then she stated that I left the bad mattress to her when I moved out and she had to replace it. This is just her assumption for I just took the mattress that she told me to take. I did not purposely leave her the bad one like she is imposing. She is now also upset because for one of her wedding gifts to me she had posed for some nice pictures in which she took back when she filed for divorce. While I was moving out I had saw these pictures and ripped them up. My mindset at that time was that If I cannot have them I sure do not want any other man seeing my wife in provacotive pictures. Which I knew at the time this was wrong by I was very upset at the time.

So she ended the email with telling me not to contact her anymore and that I have proved time and time again that she made the right decision. I think my actions 2 1/2 months ago are now coming back to bite me in the butt!

Any ideas of how I should respond to this situation. I defintitely did not swap the mattress like she says but I did rip up the photos. And I am not worried at all about her contributing to the bank account.

Anotherstander,

you are right, I am still looking for something to show me signs. I also just recieved another email from her late last night. The email is stating that she will not send me any money to offset the money I put into the checking account to bring the account to zero so that it can be closed. I simply asked her if she wanted to contribute that would be great but if not no worries. Then she stated that I left the bad mattress to her when I moved out and she had to replace it. This is just her assumption for I just took the mattress that she told me to take. I did not purposely leave her the bad one like she is imposing. She is now also upset because for one of her wedding gifts to me she had posed for some nice pictures in which she took back when she filed for divorce. While I was moving out I had saw these pictures and ripped them up. My mindset at that time was that If I cannot have them I sure do not want any other man seeing my wife in provacotive pictures. Which I knew at the time this was wrong by I was very upset at the time.

So she ended the email with telling me not to contact her anymore and that I have proved time and time again that she made the right decision. I think my actions 2 1/2 months ago are now coming back to bite me in the butt!

Any ideas of how I should respond to this situation. I defintitely did not swap the mattress like she says but I did rip up the photos. And I am not worried at all about her contributing to the bank account.
_________________________
Me 33
W 32
Married 10/13/12
WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13
Divorce filed 2/13/13
Seperated 3/1/13 till ?????????

Miss my wife!

I am looking for some opinions on what everyone thinks about social media. I have deleted my facebook account as well as my instagram account approx 3 months ago. Mainly so I can move on and stay focused on me. My wife is huge on that stuff and is the type of person that posts and checks others all the time. My question to you all is, I am completely fine not reactiviating my accounts but do any of you think it would be a good idea to do so, so she can see that I am moving on with my life. I would keep all postings positive and all pictures positive. I am currently applying the LRT so I am wondering if this is a good idea to catch her attention and show her I have moved on. I am wondering because we want the WAW to feel as if they had a loss. Or do you guys think I would be wasting my time and it is probably better just to stay dark and mysterious to where she has no idea what I am up too?

I understand the tactic, but I would wonder a motivation behind it. Are you actually moving on or just want to "show her?"