Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers House for sale. So sad. Family breaking apart.pt 4

Dude, I know how bad this $ucks. I have heard the crap my W has told not only her friends, but her family. So many lies come out of them when they're lost. It's mind boggling really.

But you know the truth...and your family and friends know. What else matters? Don't let her behavior control your behavior....be who you want to be regardless.

Something Mach1, Spartan and I have been saying a lot lately...

Thanks All!....AD, Spartan, AD, AS, BD, Mach, Ruby, Bug. You are all so right, I know.
I had tried so hard to be cordial and niceties, and do the right things and have let her bitterness elevate mine. Litigant is nasty. The lies are unreal as you say BD. I am a businessman, coach and volunteer in the community and she is trying to destroy that to save her own credibility. This should have been a straightforward negotiation, but she is wrapped in her own bitterness and poor legal advice and I need to remember that and follow your guidance. I really appreciate it. My amazing sister has been saying the same things to me. She has been through a lot in her day....very bad abuse, infidelity etc. she picked herself up and is happy now. took a couple years but she is successful. She is my hero.

Think about what a dark place her mind must be to cause her to be like that. You don't want to be there.

Step away gracefully.

It takes a strong man to accept criticism with grace and grow with it. I admire you.

Thanks Bug. So true. I admire you too. Part of me still has pity for her, but I need to let that go too and be me.

I'm not sure why, but "pity" sounds really negative to me. I think "compassion" would be more along the lines of what I'd shoot for.

I hear ya. Just really difficult with what she is pulling right now on several fronts through litigation and poor ethics and blame. I was quite ill 12 years ago and almost died. Was in the hospital for several months. While I appreciated all W went through, I did fight for my life and came out of it luckily and produced a heck of a lot for my family, including doubling her income. i worked like hell. In her pleadings to the court last week, she is wanting a lot of money for missing out on promotions 12 years ago as a result of my illness. This never came up through our marriage and now is being said. That is now officially all of the wedding vows tossed to the curb by her now....sickness and health, good times and bad, fidelity. This is very low blow by her and shows her thinking of herself. I get that it was tough on her at the time, but I was the one scared, in pain and missed so much hooked up to tubes etc for months. Her resentment of that has now been revealed, and she waits 12 years later in divorce litigant and court public records to state that. So in the last 12 years she has been bitter and could not get a promote she wanted and it's my fault? I was disgusted. So are several friends and family now. While she has acted cruel the past 2 years, this takes the cake.

Don't feed the crazy.

Yeah, you just say no to that. Don't drive yourself up a wall about it, she is trying to get more money and you say no to that. Does your L think that 12-year-old hypothetical promotions are going to be taken seriously? Never forget this is a business transaction right now.

Are there really some people you are concerned are going to find and read the entire public record of your divorce and locate that claim and think less of you because of it? I get that you are hurt, but your hurt is hurting YOU, and you seem like you are looking for ways to make it seem even bigger. We are going overboard the other direction, trying to encourage you to move past the hurt, because it will be better for you.

Thanks BD and AD. That makes sense. I suppose she has more to lose with this being on public record but neither of us should want that. It is terrible that our kids could see this one day, but she wanted court proceeding. She has called me a homophobic, drug-addicted, suicidal abuser. ummmmm....I have many gay friends that will debunk this, do not do drugs, never considered ending it all and never abused anyone let alone my family. She is out to clear her name from the A and using a male prostitute. This is ugly. We both have professional careers and kids to think about.