Btw..just for laughs...my argument was over the fact my h was in bathtub for over three hrs. I asked him what he does for that long. He was angry n denied being in there that long. Meanwhile i was home the entire time. He is so bizarre. That is part of the stuff he plays off like in loony
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
Tired- We are living under the Big Tent and they are they guys in the crazy mirror! Even though we know it's fog spew, it doesn't feel good to have you H say he can't stand you. He is so wrong, and so self indulgent that he lashes out to you to make himself feel justified.
It sounded like he was say, "no mom, I wasn't, I really wasn't!" If he's seen you cry once, your doomed to be the crier, the one who is holding on. My h said that last week when I said see dry eyes, he said well you did cry so I know you want things normal, you want me back!
Hang on, I think a few of us are approaching a very strange stage in our LBS experience, it was great for you to vent here and get out of his face!
Hang on baby, it's gonna be a long ride!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Your both so right, I was/am headed right into a "whirlpool of despair" I don't understand how I got here, I know better, I know what I want, so why the emotional overload? I'm a smart girl, why am I so emotional over something I have already come to terms with?
My best guess is that I am just really lonely. My S's and D all have other's they are spending time w/and getting L from, and I feel like how the hell did I become the one w/out a partner. I'm the floater in all our family games, granted they fight over me because I'm smart, but I want my own partner!
No, I have nothing in the works for myself. I have always had a very strong fight or flight personality and lately I have been considering flight. H commented on how he stays home because of my satellite tv, and comfortable living. Well, the only way to cut that is to move! He asked me not to move because than he would worry about me, F u H!
I need to work on myself, I know, I'm kinda sick of myself right now, I'm alone alot. Polka dots on my blue wall, hum I am thinking of learning to build a patio! But, I get it, I need to focus, regain my strength I have and get back on path. Thank you so much for caring, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and sadly you all can relate!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
i'm there with ya and reading this stuff and trying to apply to me as well. it is some wierd & dangerous place. dawn- I still think (maybe) we can do it- but i hear you adn feelmyself losing the will to carry on with this.
i know we (?) made a commitment to db- i'm still trying to honor it- i feel myself thinking why bother. i get it too- it's too damn long to be lonely. i feel like you with yourkids & their mates. my girlfriends that i spend time with all have husbands- and tho they bicke5r, etc.- THEY STILL HAVE THEM> I FIND myself asking how come i'm the jerk with nobody to go home to?
i hate it too - i resent it too - i want to just throw in the towel too- it is hard- (me-whine whine) h makes fun of me when i say something is hard. he's such a jerk- like he EVER does (or did) anything hard. he's the guy who hasn't sp9oken t his mother for 6 or8 years- what??? too hard. get old- cheat & lie - easy fix. i could list his "escapes". (from things that are too "hard".) why bother-
i'm still guessing we can do it-
i find myself this morning thinking ofyou and dreading him coming this afternoon. all i can think of is "what will he pick on". and that is all. i think back (bad form- i know) about flipping computer screen- secret phone calls/texts- leaving room if i sit down on couch (in the past - before i knew & he got "nicer") - allllllll the pain and torment and time and lost time and so on- and it does suck me down that road. really mired lately in the "why bother" whirlpool.
WHATTYA THINK? can we buck up- listen to these guys - and do it a bit longer?
i know hwat you feel- i find myself wondering how this guy can ever change ENOUGH and be anythng like the fun guy he was & i loved. i find myself thinking maybe it's tooo much bad stuff for tooooo darn long and it's unfixable. or unbearable anymore.
i meant to be supportive- instead i seem to be a pity-fest here.
don't mean to be- i will if you will.....
i'm going to take a little mini tranquilizer- try like heck to put on my pleasant face - dig deeper than ever before (no kidding) and try and act as if.
my as if is fading - but here goes nothin.
i hope you're okay and your day is okay.
your h does talk at least - you got that going for you. hopefully it means he wants you to know about him- understand him a bit. that's got to be something. there may be tons of junk you don't want to hear - but it's contact.
my h and being all silent or jokie or (supposedly joking ) blaming me for 3everything from bad weather to no hair - is old old old- it's all i get - jokie crappola and it's not so funny to me anymore. i don't feel pleased or flattered when he jokes (i know- i need to get a grip) i want to say shut up you jerk- you've been such a $hit for so damn long i just hate your stupid banter and your stupid face and my stupid life . thanks a lot for that. nice huh?
i'm gonna still try i guess - for want of a better plan.
hang on- i think they're rite- that it's maybe still doable - well, ride-out-able for awhile longer yet.
xxo ((( ))) BRIGHTER NOTE- I WAS thinking of you like mad when my neice and her 1` yr old baby were here other day. she'ss sooooooo cute you could plotz. the fun - the love - the baby hugs & how they touch your fce when you hold them. just such purity and pleasure- i'm soooo jealous you'll have a baby around. if it were me- i'd be thinking- okay- that is where i'll get my love fix for the rest of my days (i'm alot older than you) - it's something huge. i need a baby around so i've got somwwhere to channerl all this affection and fun and wanting toplay and share pleasure with someone.
you're gonna have it- yay and yay. it's something big. at least????? see ya later. me spinning here- kind of dreading - how the hell to dig deep enough to act pleasant and pleased and alllll the things i'm supposed to "put on an act about"??? i'm such not an actor kinda gal
For them, it is not a crises, it is an awakening, and they feel like they are finally on the correct path. Everything in their past means nothing to them, including us. We only remind them of their life they see as a failure.
When we understand this it helps us to be compassionate towards them, and not take their rejection of us so personally. It really is about them, not us.
This is the greatest pain that you and I have likely faced in our life, but know that theirs is even worse!
I will print this as well to help me get back on track and focus! I'm so tired of it all! But, there is hope! I will end my thread w/this and begin my new thread w/this and hopefully end that thread having done this!
Babies and summer, ok I will take it!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
