2.4, my h constantly feels he only has 20 years left and that he is "older" than me. He is 49, I am 46. How do you answer when they say this? let me know?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Is there anything on Cadets list that links to your posts, or is there something you have done a thread on that I should stop by and read.
Maybe this will help Pay attention to the last three steps.
How to find a user on DB
Go up to MY STUFF Click on Watch List Click on Watched Users Click on Edit Watched Users Click on Add a user to list Type in user - "Snodderly" Select her as a watched user. Click on her name Click on show all posts. Click on Topics
That should give you all the topics any user has created.
I've not managed to yet. I need to work on that. My W is only 35! So I have no idea what is going on there, so on one hand I want to say don't be so stupid, but on the other who knows - she may be right. Its not an easy on to answer to, because its not like any of us know. At first I thought it was just a bluff to make me feel better about why she is doing it. but of all the things she said this is the one I look into her eyes and see pure panic about.
I guess the best way is the generic " I can understand why you could feel that way"
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Yes, the purchasing of things for their new hangouts is quite normal. If she should move, you will need to check your home to see what she has "slipped" in her boxes things from the home. They tend to slip things out of the home, i.e., sometimes taking things that don't make sense to us, but may have a special meaning from their childhood or early adult life.
I would watch my finances very carefully, as she will "up" the spending as she begins purchasing large ticket items.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ok thanks, good advice. I need to sit and have the finance talk with her anyway - we had one when she wanted to shortly after BD and since she has not really been interested. We have some debt to plough through so I think she is wanting to forget about that part as its not ideal for her plans.
Its not gone unnoticed that things are migrating to her room on a daily basis!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
That does bring up a question I have been wondering about. I am still hopeful that I am not near this point, but if W does decide she wants out, I think she should leave the house. She is the MLC, after all, but I know she would look at it the other way that I should. Is there a suggestion on this? Again, hoping I don't have to use it.
Part of me thinks that it would be better to stay under one roof, it might given more of an opportunity to change her mind, but I have no experience in this.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Yup, watch the finances like a hawk, they don't even need to do big purchases...my W, over 3 years, racked up almost $10,000 at THRIFT STORES (including the thrift store "oultet", where you paid by the pound!)...trying to find who she was, what decor is really her, as an escape/distraction from her issues/pain, etc.
Thank God she's not a Macy's woman...lol!
There really is humor in all this once you let go... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
There are pros and cons to having an in-house mlc'er...yes, she gets to see any changes you make and determine if they are real, etc., BUT, you also get to witness all the craziness, any affairs, etc, etc. AND, it's hard being in "it's show time!" mode all the time...hard to get space to yell, rant, cry, whatever. And you have to resist the urge to engage her because she is right there and that's what normal couples do, sort of thing...hope that made sense...
Main thing is, IF she wants to go or quit, YOU DO NOT leave the house. You can't make her stay, naturally. But do not be the one to leave, if that is her choice, she needs to go. I was adamant about that right from the get-go, and one thing I told her in polite, calm, but no uncertain terms.
Hope that helps, and others will chime in too... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
