I will be in north Orange County starting this Tuesday, there on and off for 3 weeks. Tina, the EE coordinator, knows my full name and email ('the guy from Sweden').
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I've requested that the EE coordinator give me alias email to " a West Coast " person, should you get in touch with her. That way I'll maintain my anonymity.
Sandi - wow, that worth and deserving thing is not easy. I guess one approach might be the UN Rights Conventions. Of course people have intrinsic worth, but does that change anything?
Perhaps I deserve to be loved, intrinsically, just because I am a human, but that doesn't change anything really - should I be mad or regretful as a result? I don't see the point.
My W deserves to be loved, by me, because I promised to always do so, and I guess I do, though I am maybe not good at it. What does this deserving/worth idea lead to?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Your C asked you what you thought you were worth, and you left the impression you did not how to anwer. Your entire story tells how low your opinion of yourself is, and if it doesn't change, how can your relationships to change?
I really want your life to be happier. If you could meet up with 25yrs and kaffie, it could be one of the best things you've ever done. I believe I read on another thread, that she has a family member who had Aspergers. Honesty, I had forgotten that you had told us that you had it unti you mentioned it recently. I am very unlearned about the subject, and I'm sure you can recognize that fact by some things I've said.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I do have a brother with Asperger's. I will contact Tina at EE and we'll be in touch soon.
So you know, my 91 year old mom is with me this week so I won't have as much time to chat or get together, but if you are here for 3 weeks, we can make it happen after Thursday. Does that work for you?
There's A LOT to discuss.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The C mentioned Asperger's but I only fit the mold a bit, mostly on the social side I guess. I used to play with words and numbers, but my (blessed!) daughter told me to stop and so I did. I guess I am too literally minded too.
25yearsmlc - sure, sometime after this coming Thursday would be great - I appreciate your taking the time.
Sandi2 - thanks for caring. I wish I could better understand the worthiness/deserving issue. Yes, perhaps I just don't get it, and can't because I don't, a self-fulfilling catch-22? What would you answer and what would change thereby?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Journaling: boy, the ups and downs of marriage: the day started nicely, with beautiful 10 of 10 weather outside, we'd all slept well. I brought tea up to my W and D, who were ensconced in the same narrow bed, and W was friendly.
Dutch baby was breakfast (I made) and good, after which the girls went outside to garden. I had volunteered to go to the dump with more rose clippings, so they trimmed and trimmed. At some point, as my W and D had a home dance rehearsal coming up a bit later, I brought out yogurt with walnuts in it. Even this was accepted, though they put off eating it.
30 minutes later my W comes in, upset, as the walnuts had not been properly shelled and she had broken a tooth. I felt like h-ll, guilty (I should have looked through the walnuts before just dumping them in!), and said sorry to my W after calling the emergency dentist (who could do nothing on a Sunday). My W said I was sorry for myself, "as usual", and she was right.
We haven't talked much since, though I did ask how her tooth was and offered to make dinner (which she then did not eat). The train goes at 5.30 tomorrow morning, so I'll not be seeing her or D much more today, and then not for a month...
...
Sandi - I looked up self-esteem on Wikipedia and "get it" a bit more, at least the theory. Have also found a page with self esteem exercises to read on the airplane. A 6 hour layover in Newark awaits!
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
30 minutes later my W comes in, upset, as the walnuts had not been properly shelled and she had broken a tooth. I felt like h-ll, guilty (I should have looked through the walnuts before just dumping them in!), and said sorry to my W after calling the emergency dentist (who could do nothing on a Sunday). My W said I was sorry for myself, "as usual", and she was right.
For crying out loud, how hard does she chew yogurt??? I read something regarding lawsuits a while back that makes a lot of sense to me. Basically if you're in a restaurant and you damage a tooth because you bit into something hard, you have no grounds for a lawsuit if there is a reasonable expectation that the hard object might be in what you were eating. In other words, if you're eating fish or meat, you should have an expectation that you may bite into a bone and you should therefore be a little cautious. And if you're eating walnuts, there's a reasonable expectation you might bite into a shell. So if you damage a tooth in such cases, look in the mirror if you want to blame someone.
The flip side of that is if you're eating ice cream and you bite into a rock and chip your tooth, well you wouldn't expect that so there are grounds for legal action.
Sandi - I looked up self-esteem on Wikipedia and "get it" a bit more, at least the theory. Have also found a page with self esteem exercises to read on the airplane.
I'm really glad. B/c no matter how much we try to convince you of your worth, it would do no good if you don't have a healthy self esteem.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
