"Get Me" by Ben Watt, Everything But The Girl "I never thought I'd grow up so fast so far. To know yourself is to let yourself be loved.
And I want to be addicted, I want to be secure, I want to wake up after the night before, but do you ever get me?
Do you ever get me?
I'll press your hand against my face, weaken my resistance. I'll pull the sheets over our heads, let the broken sky break above our heads.
And I want to be addicted, I want to be secure, I want to wake up after the night before, but do you get me?
Do you ever get me?
Shower me with affection and I'll return in kind. I have no hidden motive, I am blind.
I'm a stone inside a box, I'm a spring inside a clock, you can wear me on your wrist and I'll tell you things ten thousand times, but do you ever get me?
Do you ever get me?"
The History: H dropped bomb in November 2003. I gave him option to work on M or move out until he would work on M. Apparently, we're in disagreement on how this actually happened, nonetheless he moved and started interviewing lawyers. Discovered DB in late November, after making many enormous mistakes... begging, guilting and being downright nasty. Joined the boards in December. I have been working on being independent and happy and on being a friend and partner to H.
I was unemployed (six months) at the time of the bomb, but started working in a new place that I love in January. Other than that I'm trying new hobbies and interests and traveling. I've met a lot of the DBers and so far y'all are great people.
Decided not to contest D. We had a mutual friend handle the paperwork, which was tough on everyone. Got all of the endless paperwork done, which was a real drag. When I went to sign the very last -- supposedly -- piece of paper, H put the D on hold. A week later, he told me that he couldn't do it and the D was back on. That was eight months ago, but we're still not divorced. Date has been set in March to dismiss the D for lack of action.
In June H started showing more interest in my life; and we have gradually gone from hanging out to dating to something like going steady. I went through an extremely ambivalent period over the holidays, during which my H's attitude seemed to change for the better. Right now, I think I'm erring on the side of trying to work things out. Communication between the two of us is incrementally improving between us. Our status as near as I can guess it is like that dating stage where the couple is trying to figure out how to be a couple... but of course we've got baggage. (sigh)
I started with a new therapist this week for long term therapy... I'm not so sure about her. I know it was just her first session, but I think she's off base or at least can't figure out why I'm in therapy. I can't imagine it will take more than two sessions for her to get a better picture of what is going on. Maybe it's just me that doesn't like not knowing where all of the needling is supposed to get us.
We are a couple despite what it looks like on the outsideAt this point, I don't think moving to piecing is overly hopeful or forcing the issue. I think we are working on this mess with an intentions of love and compassion. What remains to be seen is if it is actually possible to get our act together enough to spend the rest of our lives together.
I may be determined, but I know that there are elements in all of this that are beyond my control. He (or we) may decide to let it go; and though it will hurt very badly and be highly humiliating, I will be okay with it (no matter who decides). And so I am meeting life head on in a way that would make HD Thoreau very pleased. (That's not to say it doesn't make me queasy thinking about it.)
There are several major issues that I'm concerned about right now. 1) How to communicate, when we've got so much garbage between us. 2) How to be a couple when we're both very independent. 3) How we're going to improve our sexual relationship when we apparently can't talk about it. I hope that you piecers will be able to give me a little insight how to navigate in the world of "us." Thanks for reading. Have a great day. --z
Optimist, Thanks for the welcome. Kitti, Yup, that's been on my thread for months. You're the first person to notice. Should you get a prize? Thanks for the welcome. -- z
Quote: How we're going to improve our sexual relationship when we apparently can't talk about it. I hope that you piecers will be able to give me a little insight how to navigate in the world of "us."
so does this mean you are having intimacy but you just can't talk about it to make it better?
a prize eh? ok, i will take a prize, how 'bout dishing over some patience cause i don't seem to have a lot of that...
Along awaited Welcome I'm sure to piecing Zero. While I bave not followed your story too closely, during my travels on this bb, I have crossed your path several times.
Quote: There are several major issues that I'm concerned about right now. 1) How to communicate, when we've got so much garbage between us.
Since you brought up about the garbage, let me try this analogy. Try to let go of previous garbage. Bury it in a landfill and let it turn into the green hillside. Wipe the slate clean and start over (as you implied you're focusing on starting a new R) Now the trick is to avoid creating new garbage. Instead, look for ways to recycle the issues that come up so the outcome benefits the both of you instead of become another pile of rotting garbage.
Alright , that was just another long worded way of saying look for what you can do differently in your communication so what comes out is something recycled into a positive gain rather than allowing it to be considered one more thing being heaped onto the garbage pile. Hope this comes across clearly ... dealing with a headcold at the moment.
Quote: 2) How to be a couple when we're both very independent.
As long as the both of you wish to share time together and you both feel good about the time spent together, then being very independant outside of time spent together should not be a source of conflict ... unless there is an issue about the amount of time together. Is this what you were referring to?
Quote: 3) How we're going to improve our sexual relationship when we apparently can't talk about it.
OK, gonna need a little more info here. What improvements are you looking for? What are the hurdles encountered?
Thanks for the welcome.
, that was just another long worded way of saying look for what you can do differently in your communication so what comes out is something recycled into a positive gain rather than allowing it to be considered one more thing being heaped onto the garbage pile. Hope this comes across clearly ... dealing with a headcold at the moment.